Some point in his mid-twenties, a man gives up the illusion that his penis is Seabiscuit incarnate, and warms to the idea that, on occasion, it’s going to get tuckered out. For those without penises, I’d like to tell you how this happens. If it is not a result of health or old age, there is a catalyst: a thought that goes something like this:
This lovely story is about my second trip to Jamaica (if you haven’t read the first one, go catch up, it’s called “Ten Men Waiting for Me at the Door? Send One of Them Home, I’m Tired” which was incredible to say the least) and a bit about a few friends that can't be taken for granted. On this trip, I went to Jamaica with a girlfriend that I absolutely love but never traveled together before. I’m very particular about travel buddies (I can’t travel with just anybody and actually be myself. Not everyone can tolerate me and vice versa). I’m going to call this friend “Crown Royal.” I met Crown Royal at a business event and we became close friends shortly thereafter. I must say it’s a blessing getting to know her. It’s been 7 years since we have known each other and we are closer than ever (especially after this trip)… I can tell her anything and I mean anything!! She judges sometimes, but that's okay because she is the real deal. Just like me! Big smile! She is my person I call on the daily and will most likely answer . You don’t get those types of friends in your life too often.
The internet never stops surprising me, especially social media. The female figure has always been of interest to me. One because I am attracted to the female figure and the other because of the Body Positivity movement. 10, 20, or 30 years ago you could argue that having a phat ass was not a public point of interest. I remember having a big ass was something to be ashamed of, or be ridiculed about. It was always the Hip Hop movement that reinforced having a big ass was nothing to be ashamed. Fast forward a few years from the hit release "I love Big Butts" by Slick Rick, now everyone loves a big butt, wants a big butt, and will do anything to get one. How times have changed but I am not complaining in this article.
A lot of stuff has made its way up my butt. I grew from a curious boy with a bag of marbles to a sharpie-toting teenager to an adult roaming the oh-what-do-we-have-here aisle of various sex shops. That all changed when I found myself up on a surgical table, held down by four nurses, having that part of my anatomy sliced open.
If you’re reading this and you’re a man who refuses to go down on your partner, you suck.
I saw a tweet recently where a woman asked the Twitterverse for some advice:
I get in these moods to hunt sometimes. No not hunting animals, never! I mean hunting humans. Haha! Let me explain. One night I went to my infamous bar and it felt like I just walked into a shit show. I walked into way too many bar patrons that I have ultimately fucked in the past under the same roof. Holy fuck! Do you want to know how many past fuck buddies there were? Not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, and not 5, nope there were 7! Seven? Holy fuck, is this an intervention was the first thing that came to mind. The 7 have been cut off in the span of the past 5 years and they make is obvious they think about me. The entire night, they came by one by one to say hello (I was actually there with my laptop typing and inconspicuously hunting for fresh meat). They talk small talk and try to test the water and get some pussy. I politely reject, say I’m working and next, another one comes along trying even harder. I didn’t like my options so No was the word of the night.
Hollywood lies about sex.
Have you ever been in a situation where you fucked up so bad beyond any return of dignity? This has happened a few times in my lifetime. Usually because I was sloppy and messy and didn’t really care about anyone’s feelings. Let me explain….
I had heard all the stories about how big he was. And I don’t mean his height. I mean, I was told he had a whole horse between his legs. I have never rode a real horse, now I’m attempting to ride a whole man horse penis. Can you say, “young and completely dumb”? I also don’t know what in hell even made me want to find out for myself. I was a virgin! Yep, I said it, a virgin. But that was all about to change, or so I thought!
About 12 years ago, I met this guy at the store. He had some physical qualities I really like in guys, so when he approached me, I was like “heeeeeyyyyyyy”. We exchanged numbers and began to talk on the phone practically everyday. He asks me out a few times, but I was hesitant! I don’t know if it was my “cukie” radar was off or what, but made excuses for about a good two months. So here comes month 3 and I was becoming more comfortable with dude so I was like sure. We did the movie and dinner thing and back to my place.