You Need To Put The Fire Out!

I was wearing a pair of 'Flamin' Hot Pants,' and it didn't take you long to notice them, even though you were supposed to be taking notice of what I was saying to you instead.

I wonder

Did you miss my words, because you were too busy staring at my flames?

Hmmm, such a rude way to start a conversation, don't you think?

I asked you why the sky was blue, and the grass was green, and all you could do was say,

"Pardon!"

You thought that I had told you that my pants had gone up in flames!

I had to check a million times, because I felt hotter than hot in them because of what you said. So, I stood there for at least an hour, looking like a pratt checking for smoke coming from my pants.

Crazy!

You would have thought that I'd have called the fire brigade instead.

Though I smelled very sweaty, and I was scorching, I didn't see the point if there was no smoke.

I mean, I could smell the fire in the air, but I thought that was coming from you, not my pants. Besides, maybe if I just stood there and let them burn, then maybe you would buy me a new set.

Look, I'm still standing here, having this argument with you, while my skin is bursting from my body, and I can feel my face peeling.

Why are you shaking your head?

Am I supposed to just burn up, just like this argument? I am going to combust you know.

Don't look at me like that, I'm telling the bloody truth, man!

Yes, I know you can handle the heat, but I'd like my beautiful face, body and hair to stay in tact.

I spent five hours brushing my hair this morning, and another five doing my make up, then another six hours working out on the treadmill.

I did not waste all that time, just so you could burn me up!

What d'ya mean my pants are burning?

You're the one who said they were.

You can't even smell the shit burning off your own pants?

Well, okay; Imma just gonna stand right here and watch you burn too, then. After all they say you've gotta be cruel to be kind.

Don't tell me that you're always kind. You're not being kind right now, are you?

God, did someone throw a match at the sun?

It's way too hot out here.

I'm going to dry up like a fish sunbathing on a beach, soon.

Uggg! Scales on my face? I have no moisture cream. You need to wet my face?

What do you mean, you don't have cream? You always have plenty on you. You package it well!

You, started this you know!

I do not want to stand here in this heat, arguing with you all day. I am tired of burning and I need my bed.

No, I won't burn the bed. I'm the one who is on fire, besides I've ran out of matches!

What?

You knew that you were gonna start this, yet you forgot to bring the ice, knowing that you were going to set me on fire?

What kind of wise man does that to a good girl?

Look here!!!

This argument's getting very boring now, and I'm tired of burning.

I'm sure as hell that I don't have a fever. I haven't sneezed on you yet, and I hope that you brought some hankies, because I'm going to do that....NOW!

Listen!!!

You need to put that fire out, if my pants really are on fire!