The 'Golden Chick' Dramedy

If you're familiar with Golden Chick, you know it's not a terrible spot to grab a casual bite.

That wasn't the case for me last week when I received this $20 box of wings that I ordered for pickup online. (Which is ridiculously expensive, by the way.)

You're probably wondering: "What's wrong here?" Well, when I opened it, I found this:

I know what you're thinking: "That's a lot of seasoning" and you'd be right. These things were overly seasoned with their "zing" spice.

So much so that on a scale of 1 -10, they were completely inedible/10.

Not because they were too spicy, I love spicy food and unlike the average scribe, I can actually handle an ulcer or two in exchange for a kick of flavor.

...These wings were supremely salty.

To better illustrate, they were saltier than your ex when you moved on to greener pastures.

By the time I discovered this atrocity, I couldn't go back and have them remake the order anymore. I was miles down the road, plus I was on the clock for work.

Thankfully, because I'm mentally unstable please send help a creative archetype, I had a wild idea... And it was inspired by the salt packs found in ramen noodles.

So, I turned these inedible 'Zing Wings' into what I've now dubbed "Dragon's Blood Soup".

Follow me along this awesome journey.

First, I had to practice. So I bought a bowl of ramen noodles and instead of using the seasoning pack, I used the wings to create the soup.

Next, you can see I laid the wing just on top of the water before heating it up. Eventually, I ended up adding two more wings because the soup needed a little extra color and spice.

After testing it out with one wing and basically "rinsing" it in the soup, this is what I ended up with.

The difference is very clear and the wing that was in the soup was now actually edible. It was still a little spicy but, thankfully, it was no longer a mouthful of salt like before.

I then thought about adding some pieces of wings to the ramen as you can see below. Don't let the picture fool you - this was actually kind of decent.

It went from completely inedible to about a 3 out of 10. Still needed some work.

The challenge was the level of spice and the lack of ingredients. Although I was able to sip on this with the noodles, it was still a bit too much for me. (Suprisingly.)

Despite all of that, I basically was able to successfully test my theory with the ramen.

Now, I decided to pack the rest of the wings, bring them home, and turn them into a hearty, spicy soup.

This is where we really get creative.

I took all of the wings and dunked them into a big pot of water. Took about 30 seconds to get the salt/spice out of them. Believe it or not, all of them remained crunchy and I could've easily eaten them just like this.

This should give you an idea of just how much seasoning they were covered in. I was able to make a spicy broth AND the wings below were still packed with flavor.

Now, there was a problem. Since I transferred ALL of the heat and salt to the broth... It basically became pepper spray. It was INSANELY spicier than before now that it was in liquid form.

I had to figure out a way to "cool" it down.

The solution? Wash-your-sister sauce. (Worcestershire)

To my surprise, it actually worked in balancing out the heat to the point where I had edible broth and edible wings. But I didn't stop there.

Next, I tore the wings apart and decided to add them to the broth.

Once I tore them all apart, I added a few other things to the broth including some scallions, potatoes, parsley, tomatoes, and a few other things that I'll list below. The real MVP was Amish egg noodles instead of ramen.

The end result was a supremely flavorful soup, hearty to the brim, and no longer too spicy or too salty.

Moral of the story? Don't go to Golden Chick unless you know how to turn bad wings into great soup.

And where there's a will there's a way.

And don't waste food.

Here's the "recipe" with no exact amounts because this will probably never be done again. Or who knows, maybe you end up in my situation and I just inspired you to try something new.

Enjoy?

- 17 Zing Wings

- 10 Cups of Water

- Healthy Amounts of Worcestershire. (Approx. 1/4 cup)

- 4 Limes, Squeezed

- A Handful of Parsley, Chopped

- 2 Scallions, Chopped

- 4 Yellow Potatoes, Cubed

- 2 Roma Tomatoes, Cubed

- 8 oz. of Amish Egg Noodles (Approx.)

- 1/2 Cucumber, Cubed

- 1 oz. of Culinary Witchcraft