Childhood
California Closet Make-Over
A mother’s love should be boundless. But it’s not. A mother’s love might be selfless, but it shouldn’t be. But a mother’s love should ensure safety and healing. Sometimes it doesn’t, because it can’t. Sometimes it’s conflicted, painful and manipulative. Sometimes it breaks you in two.
By Cathy Schieffelin3 years ago in Confessions
A Love I Didn't Expect...
Dear Love, Wow. Where do I start? At this point in my life, I feel like we have such a toxic relationship. On the one hand, I can't stand you. You are such a bitch. I mean when I was little all I ever wanted was to be loved and accepted for who I was, every single part of me but other than a couple of members in my family, I never really got that. More importantly, I never got that from the one person that mattered the most to me, my mother. I was a lacking girl. You left me in the cold; all I had was myself and God's love covering me in warmth. I've felt so betrayed by you and stabbed in the back. The very one that gave me life taught me to hate myself. Then, you gave again. I received Jay, my beautiful perfectly imperfect first love. My heart was so codependent at this point due to not only my mother but the judgments I received and the strict morals I was expected to live by enforced by my mother, stepfather, and my father. Jay, too, had grown codependent over the years from both his parents. Together, our hearts are bound in a way that cannot break easily. Some may call it a trauma bond. We were each other's escapes until we realized that we needed something deeper that the other couldn't give and then that too ended. You're such a cruel mistress love. You give and then you take. Your many limbs twist and weave in a way that no one person could ever figure out on their own. Your ways are complicated and yet simple. After Jay, I fell and I fell hard. His name is not important. At first, I fell so I wouldn't feel the pain of losing Jay. Also, I didn't yet know how to trust and love myself; how to rely on me and me alone. Or God and God alone I should say. That relationship started so blissfully. I was finally being taken care of for once in my life. For once, someone was putting me first. However, it was a trick, wasn't it? A smoke show until the truth came out. Soon, he started treating me like his slave. I was there to take care of the children, clean the house, work, and please him when he wanted it. If he was doing anything out of place or anything I was concerned about, sure at first we could discuss it but slowly it became he would do whatever he wanted to do regardless of my opinion. That ended terribly. He, too, taught me how to hate myself. As it turns out, that was never love because someone who can teach hate doesn't love truly. I spent a while recovering and as it turned out, my first love still loved me but not enough. It never has been enough has it, love? Have I ever been enough? I know now that I have. You have not given me a partner which is something I have always longed for but you have given me something else which is perhaps even more beautiful...
By Lindsey Altom3 years ago in Confessions
Dejanelle
A true Queen will adjust another Queen’s crown. Women who pick up other women in adversity, in question, in fear, in jealousy; even if you dislike a woman or disagree with her there is no need to tear another woman down. In a world where women have been subjected to the world of men, at the hands of men, at the look down upon by men; it can be hauntingly concerning and scary. It is not easy being a woman. It is not easy being a man either but both of us suffer at the hands of other men’s decisions and desires.
By Cadma3 years ago in Confessions
Eternal Gaze
I still think about that moment on the jungle gym with him almost 40 years later. Deep within the recesses of my mind, there exists a moment that continues to resurface, a memory that holds a special place in my heart. It was a fleeting encounter, one of those instances that I find myself revisiting every now and then, even after all these years. It may seem obscure to some, but its depth and significance remain etched in my soul.
By Jennifer Lancaster @jenergy173 years ago in Confessions
Tomorrow is My Birthday
Hi everyone! I just wanted to get on here and make a quick update. Sorry for being MIA most of this week. Mentally I just couldn't find the strength to write much, and now I think that I am coming down with a cold. Regardless though I am going to try to make the best of my birthday tomorrow, and the important part is I am still sober! Monday will mark one whole month since I last had a drink and I am so proud, but still taking it one day at a time so I will celebrate that on Monday!
By Kimmiekins43 years ago in Confessions
A Caged Bird. Top Story - March 2024.
Even on my best days, when I try to write, my brain speaks to me in a lexicon I fail to understand. The words of a story remain trapped, and I cannot direct them to the blank white page before me as I sit in this park. I watch a mother hug her little girl. Her arms wrapped around her like wings of protection, soft and warm like feathers. Her daughter's tiny face pressed against her heart. Then I remember you, sad, lonely, hurt, misunderstood. I knew you wanted to, one day, stretch your wings wide beneath the sun's warmth; you yearned to take flight. There were no limits. You would reach for the sky, breaking through the walls of that suffocating cage.
By Ali SP3 years ago in Confessions
Love: From the Perspective of the Unromantic. Top Story - March 2024.
When reduced down to stereotypes, I've noticed that there is a harsh gender line regarding experiences of love and romance. Women are expected to have a stronger connection to and capacity for love. Love seems to play a more central role in a woman's expected life's narrative (i.e., fall in love, get married, have children). For men, love seems more often regarded as a secondary aspect to the narrative (i.e., achieve an aspiration, secure a wife along the way). I think this is part of the reason why girlhood gets lumped with romanticism in a way that boyhood never seems to be.
By Bri Craig3 years ago in Confessions
Dear Alcohol
To my longest and most toxic relationship, I've lost count now how many times I've broke up with you, only to take you back a few months later. Out of all the relationships I've been in through out my life, you've been the hardest one to let go. You have told me the most beautiful lies I have ever heard, and in the same breath have betrayed me in ways that nothing else has. You've made me addicted to the highs and lows of this relationship, I feel myself craving it sometimes.
By Kimmiekins43 years ago in Confessions
Violet Skies and White Fields
Violet skies and white fields. We cross a parking lot covered by a thick blanket of snow. Everything seems otherworldly – the concrete jungle of the city’s outskirts hidden beneath a white coating. Concrete jungle is a term I use with a poetic license, here. This is not NY. Not even remotely that important. It is a town, too mediocre to be called shitty.
By M.3 years ago in Confessions
