Dear Alcohol

To my longest and most toxic relationship,

I've lost count now how many times I've broke up with you, only to take you back a few months later. Out of all the relationships I've been in through out my life, you've been the hardest one to let go. You have told me the most beautiful lies I have ever heard, and in the same breath have betrayed me in ways that nothing else has. You've made me addicted to the highs and lows of this relationship, I feel myself craving it sometimes.

You've become the center of my world for so long, the crutch I've always leaned on to get through any situation in life. Because you have made me believe that I need you to survive. That without you I'll never be able to feel the calmness and happiness you so kindly temporarily bring me. What you've always failed to mention is those temporary feelings come with grueling consequences. I guess if you warned me though, I would have never fallen for you in the first place.

It's been 19 days since I last saw you, and for the first time I can confidently say I don't miss you. In times I have left you before I counted each day, and some felt almost impossible to get through. Then your beautiful lies would pop in my head as if to say if I just make it through these few months, the next time we meet I'll be able to control myself this time. So that would be the light I would use to get me though. Looking back I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. But they say love is blind, and I can attest that I truly was. I see now that you kept me in your web of lies, because you knew if I saw the truth I would no longer need you. Your ego is fed off someone needing you.

Truth be told I am finally angry at you, ashamed that I allowed you to take so much of my life from me. I want to beg you to give me back the moments you stole from me, memories you caused to go black, words I said to people out of anger and sadness that I wouldn't normally say. Give me back all the mornings you stole from me because I was to sick to get out of bed due to the horrible side effects you cause. It's impossible for you to give any of this back to me. But moving forward I will no longer allow you to rob me of moments, and make me into someone I am not. I will no longer be your puppet.

Like most relationships I have been in it's not just me that you're lying to. You lie to everyone that comes across your path. In my experience your favorite people are the ones that are shy, have low self confidence, are chasing a dopamine rush. Truth be told though you don't discriminate, you're happy with anyone you can grasp onto. You'll suck the life out of them, control the narrative until they have no choice but to depend on you.

You come to all of us in different forms, so sneaky and in beautiful packaging. As to mask the truth of what you are which is a literal poison. I hope that all the people you've lied to can finally see the truth of what you really are. That they can no longer give you the power you crave so badly. I hope they realize it before it's to late, before they are unable to recover from the brutal effects of you.

F**k you alcohol I don't need you anymore.

Goodbye forever,

K