Life of Invisibility
Deep feelings
No matter what I do what I try and no matter how positive and supportive I can be I still feel I get stabbed in the back and suffer and in turn I have to ask for help over and over in the end the only result there is; is me becoming invisible but it is understandable when it comes to your friends because who wouldn’t be tired of me or you always asking for help, it’s draining the life out of you. I even tell myself I will only be there for my friends from hereon. I will never ask for a favor or ask for help. But here we go again, can you help me? I am so fed up asking for help and it’s only because I tried helping other people I myself get burned. And I look at my life, and ask myself what did I do to deserve this? Because I try and I do my best to make my friend's life easier but here we go again. Why me? From the gecko of life it hasn’t been easy but I have fought the odds, and I tell myself I can be happy I do deserve this but over and over I get burned if it’s not my job it’s my personal life that gets hit hard. So what do you do when you are in a situation like that because if it wasn’t for my dog I would take my life and I say that because that’s how I feel, no matter how much I like to end it I know I would never do it because even if I get burned over and over I still have a lot to live for and so do you. It’s important to express yourself because then it won’t get bottled up. I have always been invisible for as long as I can remember, for example I post for help and I get 800+ views and not a single response not even words of wisdom or advice and not even a snarky comment, on top of that with my videos barely any view like three views, seven the most and that just tells me over and over how invisible I am, and writing this article why am I doing it because I know I am not alone feeling like this but why keep writing I only have 6 views for 1 of 3 or 4 articles, why waste my time to write if I am invisible? Because I lived in this invisible bubble for so long that now I am absolutely terrified of success. If it makes people cold and stabbing in the back, why would I want success? I would want success because I deserve it, because you deserve it. So I write this in hopes of lees invisibility. Now lets go again and for the best life, having faith in life is everything, if invisible at least make your life visible to yourself and make yourself happy regardless of others while still being good to others. Things we can do to express ourselves instead of bottling it up; Write and write, meditate, and go for walks and hikes anything that get us to release the toxins in our body and it’s important to find our self awareness because once we have that we can navigate our body better if it’s to eat healthy or just being able to express ourselves. Because even if we are invisible to others we are not invisible to ourselves and that is very important to remember because why shouldn’t you be happy, do what makes you smile and laugh and put it in your keepsake memory box so when we are sad we still have good memories that will beat the self doubt.
About the Creator
Carolyna The Rambler
My name is Carolyna the Rambler can follow me on FB and youtube too. I enjoy writing the truth, the reality and heartfelt stories by experience, so that is what you will get from me.
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Things we do for family
I was living in San Francisco, I had a job. I was humbled with a place to call home and on top of it I got to bring my dog to work, and on the weekends we go on hikes and road trips, I was living life to the fullest and couldn’t complain. My background is complicated. It's a life no one can really comprehend and even if I don’t want to admit it my background will always be with me wherever I go. I am married but once upon a time I had to flee for my life it was no fun no jk the abuse got to much for me, 6 months later he kills a drug dealer, yes he was battling mental health issues but that drug dealer could of been me, so I am blessed to still be here today and he is serving life in prison 45 years. I am still married to him because I feel I need to be there for my mother in law who is devastated that her son committed murder 1st degree. Because once I break the tie with a divorce she will no longer be family and as long as she needs me I will be here for her as I am truly devastated that my marriage ended up so chaotic as he was my one and only true love. I have not been in a relationship for 16 years and I'm turning 42 this year. It's kind of sad, but in my upbringing I was taught to care for others and that I wasn’t as important as long as other people who needed me were happy. So that’s my complicated background and even if I was couple of states over I always kept in touch with my mother in law, but the older she got she has come to a point where she needs family in her life or she will end it, of course it’s not something she says but it’s the actions she has taken in the past that worries me so how can I be there for her if she needs more than a phone call? That is when I decided the best course of action was to go on leave at my job but didn’t qualify so got fired instead. So me and my dog moved from the west to midwest and it’s scary because the west Bay area only has 3 seasons no snow, and it’s been 10 years since I experienced a cold snowy winter and it scares me to because when in a earthquake you can protect yourself, but here in midwest if there’s a tornado I have nowhere to go nowhere to protect myself from it and that scares the life out of me. On top of that my body can’t handle the cold. I become easily immobilized so it’s harder for me to function but I am here because of my family, mother in law needs me. So, the things we do for our family like picking up moving half way cross country it’s okay because at the end of the day I know it’s temporary. When I know she is good I can move back to the west. Point with this article is to share with you that you are not alone, because the things we do for love and family for us it’s worth it as it’s feeding our hearts with good. And even if we may not like the hassle or complication we can always remind ourselves that it’s just temporary. If we are young we have a whole life to live while our elders may not have that long as we do. If I can make someone's day I will and family is everything regardless of your situation.
By Carolyna The Rambler4 months ago in Confessions
The Longest Language Journey Back
When you have a godawful experience for years (perhaps French lessons) and need to write about it as part of the healing process and already you feel parts of your cognitive machinery trying to “clean it up” (guess it’s French lessons) for public viewing by default since it’s likely to make some toes curl up (sorry, but definitively French lessons.)
By The Dani Writer5 days ago in Confessions
The ‘Black Dog’
We had reached Saturday am , failing to take my anti depressants on the evening before I woke with a killer headache and felt as rough as a badgers backside. I climbed over a sleeping baby a coffee table barricade and wall of pillows to follow my morning ritual of a black coffee and a roll up in the garden to start my day.
By Teresa Bomparola3 days ago in Confessions
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