Dear Mom, Aunt Dot didn't take the pain relievers from the medicine cabinet. It was me. I know, I bore the guilt for 36 years, and believe me, there were many moments when I was about to tell you the truth, and then...
The Rapped Gavel
Dear Mom, It's over for me, for you, and for us. As you know, I have been holding on to this since I was five years old. Knowing all this time you never wanted me to make a fuss. Despite being raised to be kept under control, I recall moments when I was bold. I tried to understand your choices but my disappointment and the distance I kept were rooted in being self-righteous. Every time I thought I was going to discuss it with you, I would fold.
Hello, It Wasn't Nice To Meet You.
Hello Angel, I have been thinking about this letter for a very long time, and of you for even longer. I suppose it's strange to be hearing from me. I know I must have left a lot of chaos in my wake and I'm sorry for that. I hope we can meet up this Mother's Day (kinda poetic don't you think?) and sort everything out. I've attached the following address for a nice coffee shop near here. My contact information is also below. Please, I hope you will give me a chance.
Right Time, Wrong Mother
Dear mother, I wish you weren’t the one who raised me. The painful nights crying myself to sleep, hoping and praying for a better time, a better love, a better caregiver. The screams and shouts resonating through the walls of our small house, every slamming door causing me to flinch as if I was swung at with a baseball bat. The clinking of empty beer and wine bottles rolling across our white tile floors as you wailed for a better life, ignoring your only child as she too wished for that better life you so loudly wept about. The empty hollow eyes of your husband who wished death more than his own marriage to work.
Once I Held You Nearest
Mother Dearest, Who I once held nearest, you were my teacher and friend. You taught me how to sing to the chickadees and hold seed in my hand so still that eventually they would land in my palm. You taught me how to look between the shells and rocks to find seaglass overstepped by countless beachgoers. Little gems hidden in the endless grey. You taught me to be gentle with my actions because not everyone is greeted with kindness. And from that I also learned how to care.
Mother’s Day Confessions
Hey Mom, As your author-to-be daughter, I needed some merit in my writing career, and Vocal just happened to be doing this event. Not sure if I’m allowed to break the fourth wall like that but we’ll give it a try.
Dear Mom, It's been 32 years since I entered this world and our relationship began. Poverty, pain, and panic attacks have littered the road, but we've made it! I often reflect on the time we have spent together and the rocky path we have walked to arrive here.
Are You Watching?
Mom, there are a few things I’ve never shared with you before. I’ve never shared that on my eleventh birthday, Dad threw me the best birthday party ever. He invited all of my friends and we spent the evening painting our nails and doing facials. He even bought a special cake that was my favorite color- pink. He worked so hard, and I still get emotional when I think about it.
Mom - At 87 You Became a Punk Rock Fan?
Oh Mom. I knew it was your last Christmas with us. In the uncanny way I have of knowing when people are going to die, I knew this was it. And I was going to cherish every moment with you.
Mom, I never told you this because at first, I was ashamed and was not even really sure why I was. And then it was because I blocked it out for so long. It took me a very long time to realized what had happened and even longer to understand. I was taken advantage of... Mom I was sexually manipulated and assaulted. When I finally understood that I was again scared and ashamed to admit it. I have not told anyone else except for Chris. I know you would be upset and maybe even heartbroken if I ever worked up the courage to tell you. It was that first job I had; do you remember? The one at the Halloween and costume shop. I would go after my college classes and work until close. They ended up firing me because they said I was unprofessional, and I always said it was not true. Well, that was because the one manager that they fired before me had taken a liking to me. He was one of the 3 managers; he would talk to me and a few of the other girls and was very friendly. He would offer to massage my neck and shoulders when I had those tension migraine headaches, I got a lot back then... the ones that made me hold my neck at weird angles and cause me so much pain. Well, he eventually found me in the back room because it was quiet and dark and offered to rub my neck and then he was so close, and he turned me around and kissed me. I of course being the sheltered person I was, got confused and did not know how to react. When another coworker came back, I left and tried to avoid him, but he tried convincing me he liked me and me being the stupidly naive and innocent girl I was kind of fell for it. He tried instant messaging me, and I eventually learned he was married and got freaked out and then I got fired because of him and I just kind of blocked it all out. I am sorry I never told you I did not know how to since it has been so long since it happened and by time, I had fully come to understand what had happened.... I know some will say what happened is not a big deal and I myself sometimes feel like I am blowing something minor out of proportion but another part of me knows that what happened was wrong and was a manipulation of power and was sexual assault. I have struggled with whether I should tell you and when I saw the contest that said to confess a secret, I have to you this was my first thought. To tell you I was taken advantage of. And I do not know if that makes me messed up or if I am being ridiculous to try telling you through a contest prompt but here, I am typing this out for a contest I probably will not be able to enter because I do not know if I can. I mean I cannot even tell you how am I going to submit this for hundred maybe thousands to read? I guess I am ridiculous but here my secret. Mama I was sexually assaulted when I got my first job by my manager. I am sorry you would find out this way, but I hope you can understand why I have never told you. I am still not sure this will ever find its way to you but hopefully one day I can find the courage to tell you.
Dear Ma, Where do I start- oh yeah- you’re the reason why I secretly started therapy last year. Remember my anger issues? Of course you do. Remember when you beat me into suppressing my feelings? No? I figured you don’t, but I do. Every time I have my tantrums, you would always bring out the belt. You thought you did something. Well, you did. You taught me that my feelings don’t matter and you wonder why I gatekeep all my secrets from you. You wonder why I don’t want to spend time with you. You wonder why you’re the last to know about everything going on in my life. You always overreact to everything. Remember when my sister first brought a guy home? You don’t? That’s so funny, because I remembered you embarrassed her by telling him that he could do way better than your own daughter! Really ma’am? Congratulations! We’ve already decided to put you in a nursing home.
My happiest memory.
On March 21st, 2012, I became a mom after almost 39 hours of active labor and 4 hours and 12 minutes of pushing. My son was my miracle baby. I was in an abusive marriage where intimacy was hardly existent. I became pregnant after one time nine months prior when I was at the lowest point of my life and prayed that the next time my husband hit me, he would kill me and end my existence. My prayers have been answered with a different outcome, and I was blessed with this baby boy who saved my life and gave me a reason to fight for a better future.