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You are not one of us

You are not one of us

By who caresPublished 4 months ago 7 min read
You are not one of us

Three months have passed since my father died due to a gas leak in his workshop coinciding with the release of an electric spark from one of the plugs.

I do not deny that that painful accident affected me and the idea that I would never see him again, but that effect on you was to the extent that my mother's psyche was affected, as she could not bear the reality of what befell him until she was admitted to a sanatorium because of her hallucinations and delusions, and I also almost lost consciousness as a result Everything that happened, but I clung to all that was left of my consciousness, and it was fortunate for me that my grandmother came to take me to stay with her. If I stayed at home alone, I might have ended the rest of my life by force. I would share my mother's bed in the sanitarium, but I hadn't given up yet.

Here I am now in the back seat of my grandmother's car, heading to her house, which is located in a rural village. I had kept silent throughout our journey. I would not be disturbed by my staying in that state because my grandmother's car was very comfortable, as it was a classic German model that I maintained over the years. The years did not follow her, despite the many flocking to her, but she did not abandon her, as if they had a relationship of spirit. The place we are heading to now, the sun rises on it from among the mountains topped by snow masses that do not melt, but remain there throughout the seasons of the year, and set at a clear lake, the serenity of the sky without clouds. In fact, all this does not matter. I really do not know whether I am in a dream or in a coma, or am I awake. I do not know what I am thinking. I just peek out of the car window to see the trees pass quickly in front of my eyes and their shadows flocked to me while I lay down for a while. Moments later, my grandmother called me. She says, "Eva, here we come."

I went out with her to see my grandfather come towards me, shedding tears, hugging me, saying, "Everything will be fine, my dear. We are with you and will not leave you."

I did not answer him, but rather let him embrace me with warmth and tenderness, even though I was like a cold corpse. He carried my bags with me to my room, which my grandmother had previously prepared for me. That room is the same one that I used to stay in as a child when I used to come to visit, and she kept all the things of my childhood, most of them. I had drawings that I had hung on one of the walls of the room. It did not take me much time to arrange my things. The last thing in my bag was a picture of me with my parents that carried the most beautiful feelings in it. How happy and joyful we were. Look at myself now, how it has become. My father went on a journey of no return, and my mother went on a journey. Subconsciously, I think I will share the same fate with them, and I will go on a journey into the unknown without feeling. A few tears fell on the picture. Actually, I don't know what I was really feeling, as if I had lost the ability to feel, and those tears fell just involuntarily without any meaning. I put the picture aside, and the sunset from the window caught my attention, so I went to it to watch the last moments of that sunset. People see the sunset as a beautiful scene that enchants minds and chills the skin if you are in the right place to see it, but it seemed to me at that moment a sad scene, as if the sun was like it. A teary eye, and the lake is all those tears that I shed. Soon the sun set and darkness took hold, and the stars lit up the sky. I lay on the bed. It was a bit cold, but it didn't matter. I don't think anything mattered anymore. I fell into a daydream to see myself with my family, as if Nothing happened that was rather comforting

"Dinner is ready, Eva, come before it gets cold." My grandmother called me, and she woke me up from my delusions.

Charlotte! "I really know what you're going through, your eyes say it all."

She was just an animal but she looked to me from her eyes as if she understood every inch of the miserable painting inside of me, damn it! I think I'm mad, how pathetic I am, thinking that a being who can only meow can understand what I'm in for, how funny I really am!

I finished my dinner and went to my room and lay on my bed trying to sleep. I stayed in that state for two hours, but I could not continue my failed attempt. In a tone of gloom and pity: "She's really poor, she barely speaks."

To which she replied: "Aren't we poor too, Isaac? We lost our only son, just as she lost her father." And I think that after she uttered those miserable words, she began to cry, and my grandfather tried to comfort her, saying: "Let's hope he is in a beautiful place that enjoys peace and quiet." "

Hearing those words, I started imagining my father as my grandfather described him, and I delved into my fantasies until I fell asleep without realizing it, and woke up after a while and found myself sleeping on the floor next to the window, and the darkness was still there. Tree, do you think I'm imagining or is it real? Did he climb that tree and sit there so late at night?

Curiosity possessed me at that time, unless I could resist it, so I went down the stairs without making any noise, I made sure not to wake my grandfather, as they were in a deep sleep, and I do not think that one of them would allow me to go out at this time, so I made sure to remain calm while I sneak out of the house, but Charlotte chose a time other than Appropriate to appear and scare me. I was only hoping that she would not start meowing so that I would be exposed, but she did. I thought for a moment that she was doing that on purpose, but wait! What am I thinking, it's just a cat, and I was startled again by a strange sound, which turned out to me after a moment, that it was the sound of my grandfather's snoring, so Charlotte's attention aroused, and I followed him, so I sighed comfortably and left the house quickly, heading towards that tree towards that young man, but I did not find him. I thought at the time that I was delusional His existence is due to my difficult condition only, I felt depressed and then It occurred to me to climb that tree to see if I could see the window of my room, and that it was the one I saw from afar, so I climbed it, but with difficulty normally it would have been easy for me, but it was not because I had not exercised since that terrible accident, I managed to reach that branch that I saw that The boy was sitting on it, so I did as he did and breathed deeply, I lifted my head up and saw a plastic bag like the one used by the police in crime scenes. It was hanging by a thin thread that had something inside it. A place that cannot be seen unless you climb that tree, and that made me certain that what I had seen was not just an illusion, but rather a reality!

I went back to the house and left everything I found as it was in order for the boy to return to his place and meet him. He left many thoughts in my mind and a mystery overwhelmed me. I went up to my room and lay in my warm bed and kept wandering in my imagination until I fell asleep. .

personality disordertraumatherapyschizophreniafamilydisorderdepressionbipolaranxiety

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