recovery

Your illness does not define you. It's your resolve to recover that does.

  • Jenna Malin
    Published 4 months ago
    Perfect Hell

    Perfect Hell

    It’s 2016. I’m nineteen years old, a full-time student, and a part-time pizza princess at Costco. I’ve recently survived a failed suicide attempt no one noticed and am faced with an ultimatum: check into a treatment facility or leave home.
  • Lucia
    Published 4 months ago
    How Soulcycle Became my Safe Haven
  • Briana Marie
    Published 4 months ago
    I Was Baker-Acted, Twice.

    I Was Baker-Acted, Twice.

    On August 4, 2019, I was baker-acted at the age of 17. In the state of Florida, in which I live, if someone exhibits signs of being mentally ill, that person can be involuntary held for a period of 72 hours in a mental health facility.
  • Anna Papaioannou
    Published 4 months ago
    Everything you ever needed, has been inside of you this whole time

    Everything you ever needed, has been inside of you this whole time

    Change. The dreaded word. It gets thrown around a lot but when push comes to shove, how willing are you to actually change?
  • Kayla Stejskal
    Published 4 months ago
    I survived, for now

    I survived, for now

    Not sure how to do this. Just saw this site, and I got a little excited and thought I’d see if anyone would even hear me. Im Kayla. I’m 24. I have GAD, PTSD, and panic disorder. My life has me a little messed up, but I’m still here!, just holding on by a string., everyday is a struggle for me. I’m gonna start with a summary of some of my life and and i can get into more stuff next time, in hope That people want to know more. My life has been nothing but trauma since literally the day I was born. Born in BullHead, Arizona. I was a premature baby, was born addicted to meth, & I wasn’t breathing for the first thirteen minutes, and had to be flown to another hospital. And that’s the only Information I have from my birth. So sad because I don’t have any other information. My birth parents were very abusive and very much hooked on drugs, in and out of jail, Dad was an alcoholic, mom was addicted to meth, all of us were homeless, staying in a car to random people’s houses or trailors. I lived with them till I was 5 or 6. I had a sister at least, a year and half older than me, and she took care of me when our parents weren’t. Which was all the time and I would have died if I didn’t have my sister. Our dad tried to suffocate several times. He would chock us and also put a pillow over my face. And they would beat the crap of me and my sister, very often, with anything they could find. From being choked to almost death, to our mom pouring boiling hot soup on our heads, to all the unheard of abuse in between. Last day I saw my birth parents, me and my sister were walking home from school and we saw hella cops, an ambulance, fire truck, and then we see my mom coming out in handcuffs so I ran so fast to her because I knew she was getting taken because they were always taking her away from me. But a cop snatched me and my sister right up and put us in the cop car. And our dad got us out of the car and took us to his friends house and our grandparents came and got us the next day and took us down south with them,to find somewhere else to live. So what happened was my mom stabbed our roommate in the back with a very large knife , all because the girl wouldn’t give my parents more time to pay rent. And my mom was extremely high. So she tried to kill the girl. Her name was Bobby. I really wonder if she ever lived 😔 one of the many questions I have about my life. Last day I saw them. So our grandparents had us, but wanted nothing to do with us really. But she had to figure out something. So my one sister went to our aunts house, my other two sisters stayed with my grandparents,... while they sent me to live with strangers . They chose me to move around, because I was “extremely well behaved, never complains, the best kid, etc”. I got put with families because I went with the flow and adjusted to my environments very well and did anything I was told...then another family, then another, all abuse nightmares, then to foster care. Which I wanna tell in another story, next time I write a story, if this even gets read?. All of them, the home’s I lived in when I was younger, were abuse stories that have so much to them and could really help someone & I just pray this gets read:I just wanna be heard for the first time in my life. And I wanna help someone. I want to be to someone what I needed growing up that I didn’t get. Which is love and acceptance, and a friend, a family, support, a safe place to go, all that. In life.. i just wanna help people. It’s the only thing that gives me happiness and peace., the only thing, making others happy. All I wanna do in life. I have a lot more I want to share. Feels like I could go on and on, but I don’t wanna waste anyone’s time. Hopefully I get some feedback. I’m here for you!! -to whoever needs to hear that! I’m here to help. Just wanna love people. It’s nice getting some things out. Thankful. And just thanks for reading if you did, seriously... thank you 🙏
  • TEE PAIGE
    Published 5 months ago
    Perfection kills

    Perfection kills

    When harmless cleaning routines, hygiene and list making behaviours once deemed to be positive implementations into life, turn into the catalyst of unhealthy, ritualistic and life threatening behaviour...
  • Gabriel Nieto
    Published 5 months ago
    The arduous but sweet journey.

    The arduous but sweet journey.

    So it all started with a bit of curiosity that me as a good kid began following through my instincts in something I could not ignore. I found a love that I knew I couldn’t pass up. I was in high school with my mind geared towards a bunch of political and historical interests. In a time where history was being made it was hard for me to keep my feet on the ground. I was growing up with two siblings (one brother and one sister) in a 3 bedroom house. I carried throughout my days with what I could say was a very active mind. You could imagine late nights with hardly any sleep to carry myself with the next day. I remember it took me hours in the morning to wake up before I was fully awake. A funny habit I kept through my high school years that I found later to actually be taking adverse effects on my grades and body altogether. I was a quirky individual who liked to dress to impress. I had braces and as you could imagine and was very prone to falling into different scenes. I was a dancer who took to nightclubs and parties to show off my moves. The realities around me slowly began colliding and as you know I began experimenting with drugs as a young teenager.Not the healthiest choice but the funny thing about is that I always told myself I would never fall to this type of negativity. But my thoughts then were somewhere along the lines of; hey what do I got to lose? Except a few brain cells. But anyways the point is that I myself could not believe that I somehow fell into these drugs that were pretty mad now that I think of it. I was taking MDMA/ecstasy about every month with major events. As a side note I always kept the strange truth floating in my head that MDMA was the first drug I ever tried and it being one of the strongest too. (Talk about a leap into the deep, BIG.) Carrying on, I was big into the EDM scene. I had caught a fever for the music and dancing altogether. Along with it the drugs followed. I and my friends had gathered a group of dancers who surprisingly became internet famous through our dancing aka shuffling. That was rare back then and boy was I happy to know we had caught steam. Our videos were gathering thousands of subscribers and even more viewers from all over. But the beautiful thing about it was the fame itself opened my eyes to what was truly happening. In my heart I knew I had to be responsible about what was taking place. It was drugs, music, and a whole lot of temptation that I luckily had caught onto. I wasn’t a heavy user at all in fact I was the least subject of focus amongst my friends. Altruistically, I became the leader of our dance crew sort of the eyes of the group and what we called the “Main Head” of EIU. One of the most talented crews in all of OC. You can even look us up on YouTube our videos are still there. Everyone called me Acidoser which is funny because I never tried acid in my life and still to this day I haven’t touched the substance. Moving through the years from where this started to when it ended between the years of 2011-2014 now aged 17 at the beginning of 2011.I found myself in one of the happiest state of minds I had ever been. I made a ton of friends and met tons of people through my days and everyone knew my name. It was strange times for me. Imagine walking out in public and having dudes and girls alike calling your name out. This was very striking to a humble person like me. It was like the world was screaming for me to break out of my shell. One side would scream dancing and drugs and the other half of me still trapped would say no stay down. Guess which one I chose? It payed itself in respect down the line but further down that road I started trying other drugs to go along with what I called “experimenting”.
  • Richard L
    Published 5 months ago
    Anxiety: 5 Notions & 1 Hunch

    Anxiety: 5 Notions & 1 Hunch

    Definition of notion (1): an individual's conception or impression of something known, experienced, or imagined (2): an inclusive general concept Definition of hunch (3): a strong intuitive feeling concerning especially a future event or result
  • Cindy Gust
    Published 6 months ago
    Stress and Relapse

    Stress and Relapse

    Stress is the biggest trigger for me when it comes to relapse. It’s one of the most shaming experiences about addiction to go through, in my opinion. Having to be honest when I relapse to the people who care about me is difficult. I want so much for things to be better for everybody, not just myself. To hear the disappointment in their voice or to see it in their face gives me feelings of failure and hopelessness. And when I saw my counselor today we agreed that I should not have to start counting my days over. Because, for me, having to start over gives me a good excuse to get a case of the “f*** it’s”. I know from past experience with other addictions I’ve had, having to “start over” gives me permission to continue on a relapse.
  • Anna McGhee
    Published 6 months ago
    Overcoming Sexual Triggers

    Overcoming Sexual Triggers

    While unfortunate, the statistics around sexual harassment, rape, and sexual assault are staggering. More often than not, the people you come in contact with have suffered some form of sexual trauma. The list goes on with ways to reduce and improve these statistics, and it can certainly be argued that sexual violence survivor rights have a LONG way to go before anything gets much better, but what can we offer ourselves as sexual trauma survivors now? In my time of healing, and sharing experiences with other survivors I have found that sex after trauma can physically and mentally hurt, become a coping mechanism, become nonexistent or hyper-existent, and may or may not trigger the feelings and experiences of sexual violence. Many painful years have inched along, and I am finally ready to write my process on overcoming my sexual triggers. Everyone's experiences and pain is different, but I do hope that something within this article resonates and further aides you in your personal healing.
  • Christoph W
    Published 6 months ago
    Almost Conquered

    Almost Conquered

    Here we go again, another relapse. Why is it so hard to be good and so easy to spiral out of control. 8 months after going to my first Holiday Inn rehab, 28 days, really? Just an extended vacation to curb the withdrawal and start mixing the concrete that you will use for your foundation and then graduation! The excitement of being whole again, the gratitude for friends and family. Inspiration comes back, laughter comes back, and what is this..... Emotions..... why does it feel so good to cry and why are they so elevated? Why am I all of a sudden this easily read open book to whomever would like to read it? Actually you know what, I don’t care because this is my fresh start, my new beginning. I was once a prisoner in hell that suddenly escaped and now I am running as fast as I can away from it all.
  • Jocilynn Craig
    Published 6 months ago
    The Girl in the Mirror

    The Girl in the Mirror

    I could’ve sworn I was sitting in the middle of her murder scene. Her blood painted the marble bathroom tiles and the pills were scattered around like they were party confetti. I watched the cold blade run across her thighs like her skin was a sheet of ice and the blade was just skating along as it pleased. She promised that she was okay and that she had it under control, but her eyes told a different story. I could’ve taken one look at her and known that she wasn’t okay. Her makeup ran down her face, her hair looked like a tropical storm had plowed through it, her voice was raspy and shaky like she’d been crying and screaming all day, and she was covered in bruises from the shoulders up. I watched her legs shake as she struggled to stand up off the tile. As she walked out of the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of her in the mirror. That is when I realized that I no longer knew the girl in the mirror.