The World Filled With Magic

The world was filled with magic when I was a child; it was wherever I dared to look.

Elves and goblins lurked in between the trees of forests at the edge of the school’s park, watching from the brambles and the brush as I’d try to play with my classmates.

In the flower garden, or the toadstools in the yard, were the fairies who always fluttered just out of sight, elusive to the gaze of human eyes.

Empty buildings and crumbling stones were ancient ruins and castles abandoned by their subjects’ eons ago, containing secrets and treasures for those who were brave enough to dare explore them.

Witches and warlocks walked amongst the common man, granting blessings to the kind-hearted and cursing the fools who scorned them.

The world was filled with magic…until one day it wasn’t.

I could never figure out when the world around me changed; when the magic died out and the colors became duller, almost colder.

Was it when I started being mocked and bullied in middle school for anything perceived as a flaw?

Was it when I felt like a stranger in the home of my aunt; an aunt who clearly showed no love towards me?

Perhaps when my heart was broken by someone who I thought cared for me, only to realize that they just used me?

Or maybe, just maybe…it was when I was told to grow up? Yes, the times when I was told magic wasn’t real, that dress up and make believe was stupid, and that I should take life seriously for once.

It wasn’t that I didn’t take it seriously, I just wanted to find some sort of happiness within the world around me. Of course, that didn’t matter anyway. They only saw a young woman with her head in the clouds and feet off the ground. Who would take someone like that seriously?

So, I stopped.

I stopped looking up at the clouds to try finding the shapes of creatures and instead kept my eyes to the ground to watch my step.

I stopped dressing for the person I wanted to be and focused on comfort, on practicality.

I stopped finding joy in drawing characters and writing stories for adventures that would never see the light of day.

I stopped finding awe in the smallest of life’s beautiful miracles and stopped looking for the magic in the world.

I stopped being the child that saw magic in the world, and instead became the child my parents hoped for: smart, responsible, and hardworking.

Until whatever spark in me almost burnt out.

Soon, I stopped even doing the most basic of things. I had no drive, no energy, no hope.

I stopped living…

I almost stopped wanting to live…

Until one day, either by the assistance of the YouTube algorithm or maybe the world seeing just how far I had fallen into the depths of depression, I found a video…

A video made by a lovely woman that went by Mo Mo O’Brien.

The video was just about her sharing an adventure she got to experience in Chicago called “Chronicles of the Realm”, a collective live action roleplaying experience where people dressed up, made believed, and just had fun being people they’re not.

As soon as I finished that video, I found myself going through her channel looking for more. It was like a need took over my very being, the need to dig through those videos of adventures I had once dreamed of and longed to experience.

The need to rekindle my spark.

It was surreal, the feeling that stirred within my heart. With every word, every costume, with every explanation of where she was then, I found something that was lost long ago.

The inspiration to find magic in the world once again.

It started with small steps, as much as a part of me wanted to rush headfirst into the fray.

I would have Mo Mo’s videos in the background as I worked on projects I had long abandoned; projects about characters from worlds filled with magic and even maps of those worlds.

I worked on expanding out of my room into the world around me and trying to make friends.

I would start wearing outfits that healed my inner child, from flowery blouses with puffy sleeves to skirts that flowed like water when I twirled.

I started healing again, and finally feeling that spark I had when I was a child.

I now have friends who support me when the darkness tries to sink its claws into me.

I have a group that listens to my rants about my characters, the same group that comes together to play Dungeon’s and Dragons and creates our own adventures.

I have a loving boyfriend that never fails to make me smile and laugh, a boyfriend who I can’t wait to meet and finally be in his arms.

I have finally understood what was missing in my life.

There was magic in the world when I was a child, and for the longest time I thought it had faded along with my spark.

But it had never faded; it was just waiting for me to see it once more within the people around me, and within myself.

Author's Note:

I wanted to add here a special thank you to Mo Mo O’Brien. I don’t know if you’ll ever read this fully, but I want you to know just how much you inspire those around you. Your videos bring so much happiness and hope into the hearts of those that watch your videos, and to those you meet in your adventures around the world.

Not only have you inspired me to chase my spark again, but you’ve inspired me to try going out of my shell and try going on my own adventures. Although I doubt my adventures will be as grand as your own, and I doubt I’d ever get to thank you in person, I can smile now that I know I’m not the only one who saw the magic and light within the world.