Self help, because you are your greatest asset.
It's a well known fact that the world is in a bit of a mess right now. We started the year afresh with a herd of loonies breaking into the US' capitol building, rumours of Kanye having an affair with Jeffree Star, TikTokkers deciding to go to the Bahamas during a world wide pandemic...
I remember sitting in my room wishing to die. Praying to God every day for years that I would simply just not wake up the next morning. I came to a place in my life that was centered on pain and regret. I was driven to feed a beast that was always selfishly hungry no matter how much I gave in.
Through the many months in lockdown, and the countless surges of COVID-19 cases, my thoughts of the future is somewhat fading away. In lockdown, the distractions around me are also innumerable. These things caused my time to disappear into thin air.
“Oh Jim I need to go.” “Darling you don’t need to go, you want to go. I get it. You want a break. But, why don’t you go to the beach where it will be warm and you can drink cocktails on the beach? Why go to the mountains in the winter where it will be freezing. It is freezing right here in the Midwest. That seems crazy.”
This is Why Your Life Sucks So, who begins a sentence with so? Apparently me. Today I decided to start a blog. Why? Well, mostly I thought “What the Hell, maybe someone will read this, and if they don’t, they don’t, and I’ll delete it and pretend it never happened.” I may very well be doing that. So, if you are someone that got the great pleasure of reading this before I took it down, congrats and I hope it made you laugh at my lack of grammatically correct sentences. But for anyone that read and it helped you the slightest bit. That’s why I wrote this. For you. To preface I will tell you, I’m not taking the nice route on this, it’s some tough love, but if you decided to read based on the title, and based on what you’re going through, you might need it.
How well do you know yourself? In case you're similar to the vast majority, you most likely have a conventional thought regarding your very own wants, qualities, convictions, and sentiments. You have a personal code that you pursue that dictates whether you are being a "good" person.
Since 2015 I have been choosing a word to help me be reminded of resolutions, without actually setting any really detailed plans to get myself overwhelmed. My word for 2021 is Compliance. It has become an anchor in this unsure and stormy world, which was always that way, but as we can all agree, our ships have sailed on calmer waters with fewer leaks and many more crewmates.
Too many a times have I made resolutions for a better me, only to see them crumble within the first few days of the year. Lol, just pitiful. As I was thinking about my new wellness resolutions, my mind drifted. I thought about setting myself up to drive again. I thought about my first car, an '88 Honda Accord. The car appealed to me because I was the only one who knew how to drive it. You see, the gears were shifted by one, so Drive was Reverse, Reverse was Neutral, etc. It then hit me to think in Reverse, not what i will do, but what i won't do. I'm sure this time it will stick. I mean, why not?
I walk along this shadow of self. Searching for the truth within myself. I look to find any proof of existence. Proof for myself to be. Guiding others is what’s my power is. To change negatives to a positive. Like a magnet that only connects to its opposite, I never see the palatine of itself.
I have a couple of cozy spots, but the best one in my home is my bedroom/bathroom. They are attached, so I'm pretty sure i can go ahead and count them as one. Let's just agree that it is allowed lol.
If you are trying to get in a more positive frame of mind, or just need some reminders on how to encourage yourself, here is a list of affirmations that you should think to yourself daily to encourage cultivating a healthy process of thinking towards yourself.
We all have dreams and nightmares. For the past two months, I've been having nightmares about dying children with one child in particular. After talking with my therapist, I finally understand what my dreams mean. I'm still in awe of how I can have unconditional love for someone without knowing them. My niece saved my life. Before she was born, I was experiencing depression, anxiety, and having suicidal thoughts.