Magda Kay: From Party Girl to Tantra Teacher

You’re on the rooftop of an elite bar and club in one of the most chic areas of Milan, Italy. The DJ is spinning a beat that just makes you want to move. Hot, and I mean HOT, men are all around you, in every direction you turn. The shots are getting poured in an endless stream and downed just as quickly. It is a blur of sweat, desire, excitement, frenzied chaos that feels like the dizzying bubbles of champagne coursing through you.

It feels almost like a scene in a really good movie, you know what I mean? The epitome of “making it.” The ultimate aspiration of what we’re all meant to work towards and want.

Even as Magda Kay explains this vivid scene from her twenties, her time living in Milan after graduating from the best business school in Poland, I know, just as well as she does, that this isn’t the true dream it’s cracked up to be. And even still, I can’t help but feel my heart rate speed up, can’t help myself from wanting to dive into it. It’s as if the empty promise of what can be found through what we’ve been taught and shown as “living your best life” might still offer the satisfaction it never has until now. But, maybe, just maybe, the next time it will offer what we’ve thought it always would.

“It’s so enticing, isn’t it? It always seems to draw you back in. Until it just…doesn’t,” Magda says with a knowing smile.

Magda Kay, with or without the party scene unfolding around her, is a vivacious well of deep wisdom and hands-on experience in the world of dating, sexuality, and all things intimate. She is an Intimacy Expert, Tantra Teacher & Conscious Relating Coach, author, and founder of the School of Intimacy, an online academy that teaches what we all wish we had learned about relating and intimacy, as well as working 1:1 with clients, and publishing regular videos on her much-loved Youtube channel.

Extroverted by nature, striving towards career success, having a large net of friendships, a schedule filled with excitement and adventures, checking the boxes of “success” was never a struggle for her. But something else was. Maybe earlier than most, Magda explains she had her “midlife crises” in her late twenties, from having attained all of what she thought she wanted and it still not being enough.

It was after a deeply painful breakup that Madga finally let herself actually feel the immense loneliness she had felt for so long, how much she had strived and still felt unfulfilled. It was after that breakup that her whole life changed.

“I stopped partying. Completely. The last time I drank alcohol was when I was 27, so that was a decade ago now. I realized that everything I had been trying to find – happiness, connection, love – I had been working so hard to find in people outside of myself. I never understood that I wouldn’t be able to access those things if I didn’t first know how to feel them on my own,” Magda shares vulnerably.

After being so deeply depressed post-breakup, a friend recommended she go see a healer. Never having done much in the realm of personal development or spirituality, Magda was hesitant. But, given the state she was in, she ultimately agreed to go.

Magda shares, “That one session changed my life. In it, I was able to see how I was causing my own suffering, how I was choosing to feel this low and could, therefore, also choose to change it. Getting to understand the way in which my inner experience affected my external experience set me on a path I would never have gone on otherwise.”

Desiring to understand more deeply how to go from “outsourcing” her experience of life to “insourcing” it, Magda found her way to Tantra, an ancient form of spiritual practice that originated in India. She spent time in an ashram there, delving into this mysterious science, as well as spending time in other centers around the world that specialized in Tantra as well.

“Tantra showed me how to find what I was looking for by going inwards. I had always thought what I wanted could be achieved by going out and doing more, you know? Pushing to the next level in my career, having a bigger group of friends, more fun, more adventure...I’m grateful that so early on in my life I saw how that actually didn’t work,” says Magda.

And it’s not that Tantra keeps her from engaging with her external world, by any means. Magda works with clients to experience a depth of connection with their partners and lovers like they never have before. “But it comes from going within, first, and that’s the part that has been missing,” she shares.

Spending time with Magda you know there is truth to her words because with whatever she has done to gain expertise in “insourcing” her capacity for intimacy and connection one can’t help but feel that hopeful sense of possibility for themselves, that maybe, we too, can experience the same in our lives as well.