Partially Bionic

Sunday – frozen up

No, no, no, no, no, what happened?? The muscle seized; I couldn't move my knee, couldn't walk - what happened? Please stop!

Hang on to the kitchen counter, scoot your feet, that's it. Open the freezer and get the ice pack. Now, grab the counter stool, sit on it, and retrieve an ice pack from the freezer. Apply it. Ten minutes of icing, okay, put the ice pack back into the freezer. How will I get to the couch? I can't walk properly; I must not fall. Ah! Use the stool as a walker, lean on it, push it across the hardwood (Thank goodness for hardwood floor).

He's not home; I can handle this. The left knee is seized and won't bend; the ligaments are tight and refuse to cooperate. Grab the counter stool, lean on it, and use your right leg to slowly and carefully move your left leg. Stop crying!

I wish my surgeon appointment were sooner. Two weeks is so far away!! Will they call with an opening tomorrow? It's Sunday; should I go to urgent care again? I have anti-inflammatory pills, Tylenol, and muscle relaxers – all used rarely. Plenty of ice packs, heat packs, and elevation tools. I don't know what caused this except overuse. Is the ligament torn, or are the muscles just seized up? I was standing when the muscle squeezed tightly, pulling the kneecap, tightening in increments, like a vise. At the same time, my mind frantically searched for a solution. Nothing. No answer or solution. Hang on to the counter.

Using my right leg, I can lift my left; lifting it on its own is painful. When the muscles contract, it causes pure pain. I fully relax the left leg onto my right and swing it up onto the couch. Pushing downward is easier, but pulling up requires using the thigh and ligaments around the knee, and they tighten more. It is like a tight band or vice squeezing my knee. I'm home alone; my husband went to the golf course.

It's Sunday. Will it feel better tomorrow? The neighbor says there are packages on the porch—deliveries on Sunday mean Amazon. I can't make it to the door anyway; it's not wise to wrestle with boxes.

Heat is beneficial for tendons and muscles, yet the knee is swollen, which suggests the need for ice.

The hip surgeon guaranteed that if I lived ten years after the hip replacement, I would need a knee replacement. I decided to prove him wrong. Next year marks the tenth year. Damn it all to hell. Fuck. Mind over matter is not working.

Forty-five miles of walking in Italy in April and then twenty-five in Switzerland in July have battered my knee. This poor knee that climbed trees, jumped rope, ran, rode bicycles, rode horses, ice skated, skateboarded, swam, did martial arts kicks, and walked so many miles for so many years. Arthritis is eating my joints, yet I continue on, and now the right one is bearing the pressure and starting to hurt. I have an aching left leg, with the bone spur shown on an X-ray crunching on my shin taken a week ago. Now I understand the horrible pain while walking during the trip to Switzerland. My knee warned me a year ago, and I ignored it and continued on. So here I am, lifting my left leg with my right, hoping that tomorrow this pain will be gone. I will elevate it and rest. Well, I have no choice.

Surgeries are miraculous, but the body is never the same. Original parts are the best. I hate the idea of being laid up, of requiring assistance.

I finally gave up and called to ask him to come home. I used Alexa to contact him because I couldn't reach the room where I left my phone. “I am home; I’m in the driveway.” He took me to urgent care, and he and a staff member helped me up onto the sidewalk. They told me what I already knew – ice, elevate, rest, pain meds; prescribed a short-term steroid and offered a new-fangled high-dose Tylenol shot, which I declined. Hubbie made dinner for us. I went to bed with an Ace bandage, a pillow under my knee, and a light blanket after taking Tylenol, Naproxen, and a muscle relaxer. All night, my leg ached.

Monday – the day after

My body again displayed its miraculous healing powers (with help from meds and rest).

I can walk on it slowly and carefully today. My left ankle and foot are slightly swollen. The swollen left knee won't bend fully, but it hurts less than it did yesterday, and I'm still keeping the walker nearby. I felt I could manage a shower. Carefully, I made my way, holding onto the door. Success! I got dressed and called the surgeon's office, which informed me that I need to see a doctor to get an MRI ordered and put me on the urgent waitlist. I called my primary doctor to get an urgent appointment to see if she will order an MRI. The nurse asked about my pain level; she said she understood the nature of knee pain. It gives sharp pain in the kneecap when not elevated. I don't want to wait another month for the surgeon's appointment to order the MRI. I'm trying to get everything lined up so that when I see him, he can tell me the options. Do I want surgery? NO.

I want to enjoy my life, though, and this pain hampers the quality.

I'm partially bionic: it seems that more parts are to come.

… to be continued

Copyright © 7/14/25 by Andrea O. Corwin

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