To The Person I Accidentally Got Drunk Last Christmas.

It wasn't me, it was the Christmas Cake!

It told me to pour the whole bottle of sherry into it! Or, did it say 1/4?

I can't remember!

Anyway, about last night.

Yes, yes; I know. You spent all night over the toilet throwing up last night; but the point is, you said you needed a new toilet.

You ran out into the snow, naked. Then, you stood beside the Snowman in your garden. I tried to call you back inside, but you told me that you were the Snowman's wife, and now I have a problem;

Your husband thinks that all of your kids belong to the snowman!

I tried telling him that it wasn't possible, but you flashed your ring and he too was drunk, so he didn't believe you were married to him.

When we got over that polava; we went back inside.

I put your kids to bed because you both didn't think they were kids, you thought they were cats crawling up the stairs.

Poor kids; You almost made them eat cat food for supper, you drunken elves, you!

You both didn't get to bed, instead you decided to try and sleep on the Christmas tree, because you thought it was your bed.

You even tangled yourselves in the lights, and as I tried to untangle you; you both told me off, thinking they were blankets!

I chose to let you sleep it off but in the morning,

What a sight!

You were both screaming for help because you slept in the Christmas tree, and now you were in a tangled mess between the tree and the lights on the floor!

I rescued you, and you asked me what had happened.

I recited the following to you;

Drunk! drunk!

Drunk as a skunk,

The scourge of Christmases,

Great big trunk!

You got spangled,

And now you're tangled!

It wasn't my fault,

You were drunk as a skunk!

You both looked at me as if I was mad!

However, to this day, I reclaim my innocence.

After all, I'm not the cake you ate!

Oh, and to the husband.

Last night, your wife snogged me, and it was the best snog I ever had. She thought I was you.

Hey! Blame the cake, not me!

Anyway, I'm not sorry that you were drunk, that is your fault!

After all, you chose to eat the cake!

I didn't throw it down your throat!

I really didn't mean to but after that snog? (wink!)

Let's face it, at least I'm not a snowman, and your wife does have tasty lips!

Any way I didn't mean to get you drunk, or did I?

Hmmm...I wonder!

Maybe there was more to adding all of that Sherry to your cake than just wanting to have a good laugh at how silly you two could be!

But...

It was worth it, just to watch you squirm, and to snog your wife!

Just call me the misbehaving Miss Santa!

Well, I hope that you enjoyed your night as much as I did.

Whatever else happened with your wife remains a secret, but it's a legal affair, so don't try taking action against me!

I didn't mean to, or did I? (wink)

Maybe, I wanted to misbehave with your wife for one night, you know friendly, intimate girly stuff!

I didn't hear her or you complain, or were you too far gone to even try thinking about it?

Oh well!

Merry Christmas,

And next year;

We will do it again, including myself snogging your oh-so-gorgeous wife.

Don't blame me!

The truth is, I meant to do it, and I wanna do it again!