All Hail King Trump
Idaho celebrates the return of the once and future king
BOISE — In a move that has political scientists reaching for the whiskey bottle, Idaho has officially declared itself Trump’s Personal Playground following the Supreme Court’s ruling that presidents are above the law, common sense, and basic human decency.
“But no one is above the law!” cries Supreme Court Justice Sottovoce.
“Except the King!” whispers the voice of revolution past.
Meanwhile, Lady Liberty does a faceplant in New York Harbor extinguishing the light of democracy once and for all.
In preparation for the upcoming Presidential Steal — er, Election — Idaho’s Ultra-Mega-Super-Duper Extreme Right Wing Patriot Freedom Liberty Eagle Party (UMSDERIWPFLEPI) has kicked its freedom machine into overdrive.
Determined not to be hoodwinked again—all voting booths in red states are now run by the militia.
“We’re ensuring a fair and balanced election,” explained Militia Captain Gunther ‘Patriot’ Patterson, while adjusting his Trump 2024: This Time It’s Personal hat. “And by fair and balanced, we mean Trump wins or else.”
With the Supreme Court’s decision, Presidents Are Basically Gods Now, the UMSDERIWPFLEPI sees a golden opportunity to turn Idaho into a glorious preview of Trump’s America 2.0.
“Why wait for the national election when we can start living the dream now?” declared Governor Bucky ‘Lock-n-Load’ McGunson, while christening the new state capitol building — a 50-story gold-plated replica of Trump Tower.
As the rest of the nation watches in slack-jawed amazement, Idaho barrels full-speed ahead into a brave new world where alternative facts reign supreme and the Constitution is more of a gentle suggestion than actual law.
State Senator Cletus ‘No-Dewey-Just-Do-Me’ Packerton fresh from his appointment as Idaho GOP Education Minister declared a national Trumped You day. In a press conference held atop a monster truck, Packerton announced,
“Idaho has always been Trump Country, but now we’re upgrading to Trump Kingdom!”
Anxious to be officially recognized as Trump’s Personal Playground, the Ultra-Mega-Super-Duper Extreme Right Wing Patriot Freedom Liberty Eagle Party of Idaho (UMSDERIWPFLEPI) has implemented a series of increasingly questionable policies.
- All residents must now dye their hair Trump Orange™ or face deportation to California
- The official state dance is now “The Mar-a-Lago Shuffle,” a curious mix of golf swings and hamberder eating
- A 50-foot gold-plated Trump statue will be erected atop every mountain, because why stop at just one?
- All schools will now teach “Alternative Math,” where 2+2=whatever Trump says it does
“We’re just getting started,” cackled Speaker of the House Ivanka ‘Wannabe’ Jr. Queen, while adjusting her Make Nepotism Great Again tiara. “Next, we’re replacing all traffic lights with Trump’s mood rings. Green means go, red means go faster, and orange means ‘You’re fired!’”
As the state descends into a fever dream of gold-plated authoritarianism, some Idahoans are expressing concern.
“I love freedom as much as the next guy,” said Joe ‘Six-AR-15s’ Smith, local potato farmer and militia enthusiast, “but I’m starting to wonder if maybe we’ve gone a tad too far. I mean, do we really need to rename potatoes ‘Trump Tubers’?”
His concerns were quickly drowned out by the sound of bull horns screeching the national anthem (now just the word Trump repeated for two minutes) and the rumble of monster trucks painted to look like Trump’s hair.
As Idaho barrels headlong into its brave new world of consequence-free Trumpism, the rest of the nation watches with a mix of horror, fascination, and a sudden urge to invest in spray tan companies. Will the Gem State become a shining beacon of authoritarian freedom, or will it collapse under the weight of its own alternative reality?
Only time, and the next tweetstorm, will tell.
In a final act of fealty, Idaho officially changed its state motto from Esto Perpetua (Let it be perpetual) to Esto Trumpetua (Let it be Trump forever).
God save the King. Long may he reign. And may his tweets be ever in our favor.
About the Creator
Gael MacLean
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Comments (28)
Trump all the way!
If this weren't injected with good doses of humor, I would be terrified. Well, I know what I will be doing in November. I will definitely be voting and I certainly will not be voting for trump. Whoever his major opponent is I will be voting for them, no matter who they are.
Excellent work😍😍
'The official state dance is now “The Mar-a-Lago Shuffle,” a curious mix of golf swings and hamberder eating' 😅 Great writing full of bizarre moments that better not ever materialize or I'm definitely moving to Canada...
If it wasn't so fucking terrifying this would be hilarious...
Fabulous!! I love the trademarked color and the militia manning the polling. Spot on! 🤪😂 well deserved TS🎉🥳🥳🥳
If Vonnegut and Burroughs started a band with Lou Reed... Outstanding stuff. I loved every brilliant line.
Why do I feel I’m reading a future news article…. Well said and scary. I like the little drops of humorous lines you added
beautifully penned،impressedme a lot congratulations on TS
Keep it up😍😍😍
Very good read- both humorous and horrifying! Though, as an Idahoan, I don't think it's quite THAT bad (then again I could be a potato being brought to a slow boil)
The apocalyptic false profit of Satan comes in many shapes and sizes...I figured he would have chosen a more 'eye candy' form. Ah well, to each his own. Finally you actually profit from the T man. Kudos TS.
Congratulations 🎉.A favourite tag for your writings.
Ah, the royal highness of humor strikes again! "All Hail King Trump" - passing the crown or just his Comb-over Majesty? Gael's article reigns supreme, blending wit and wisdom like a majestic jest-palace. In this kingdom of laughs, Trump's antics never fail to entertain. Bow down, for the jesters have spoken!
This was a very good laugh and I love how you put this together! Great work! :)
Move over, peasants! All hail King Trump, ruler of hand gestures and tan lines! This article had me chuckling so hard, I almost spilled my royal Kool-Aid. Gael really hit the nail on the head with this one. Long live the king, may his hair forever defy gravity!
All hail King Trump, the ruler of memes, tweets, and covfefe-induced confusion! Gael's article hilariously captures the chaotic reign of the orange monarch, leaving us pondering whether to laugh or cry. Long live the satire that makes us question reality while providing a much-needed comic relief from the political madness!
Forget the crown jewels, it's all about the golden hair! This article had me rolling on the floor laughing as it hilariously depicted the reign of King Trump. Gael truly knows how to mix humor and satire like a master bard at a medieval banquet. All hail the king... or should I say, jester?
Well, well, well, look who's saying "All Hail King Trump"! Gabriel, you cracked me up with your witty take on the royal treatment for the former president. With a twist of humor and a sprinkle of satire, this article is a riot. Who knew politics could be this entertaining? Keep it coming, Gabriel!
This is a wild ride! The satire and humor in this piece are spot-on. Idaho as "Trump's Personal Playground" is both hilarious and thought-provoking. Well done, Gael MacLean!
All hail King Trump, the ruler of memes and mayhem! This article is a royal decree of laughter and satire fit for a jesting jester. Aymeric has certainly crowned Trump as the reigning king of comedy gold! Long live the humor, and may puns be plentiful in the kingdom of chuckles!
The sharpest invective is the wittiest satire. Jonathan Swift would be proud.
The fact that Canada is always a few years behind the US in most political developments genuinely terrifies me. Still looking south and hoping the Yankees make the right choice, before the CAF comes knocking, looking for conscripts to stem the tide of "Freedomites" from the formerly United country to the south
🤣 🤣 ROTFL 🤣
Exactly!! My story of the day agrees.