Parody
The Pompous Post Welcomes Harold Hindsight, Our New In-House Medium
Here at The Pompous Post, we are proud (and somewhat nervous) to introduce our newest member of the team: columnist “Harold Hindsight, Medium and Overseer of the Enlightened.” Harold claims to see beyond the veil of time itself. According to Harold (and Harold alone), he has already helped thousands of brothers and sisters reach their “best selves”. Though none of them could be reached for comment. His résumé includes healings of mysterious ailments and horoscope readings so accurate they could have been copied and pasted from a fortune cookie. The locating of “lost relatives” (most of whom happened to be at Applebee’s), and regular chats with the dearly departed.
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
AI is Stealing Our Jobs, But It Can’t Fold a Fitted Sheet...
I. Prelude to the Apocalypse (Laundry Edition) Every generation has its defining fear. The Victorians worried about fainting couches and tuberculosis. The Cold War generation stockpiled canned peaches in case Russia sneezed too loudly. And us? We’ve been told that Artificial Intelligence will soon steal every job, write every poem, and possibly date every one of our exes.
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
D.E.A.R MARGARET
I've written and deleted this letter forty-seven times. I know you said you didn't want to hear from me again, and I'm respecting that, this letter is addressed to you, but I'm not sending it. I'm leaving it here, on your porch, in a waterproof envelope, with explicit instructions on the envelope that it should only be opened if: (a) something happens to me, or (b) you find out from someone else first, at which point my explanation will at least be on record. So this is not me trying to contact you. This is me creating plausible deniability while also ensuring you know the whole truth. I'm sure your therapist would have thoughts about that.
By Aarsh Malik6 months ago in Humor
Regarding my husband's behavior at Lady Thumpton's champagne social . Runner-Up in Sorry About That Challenge.
My dearest Hortense, I must begin this letter with my most sincere, ardent apology. The events that took place at Thumpton Manor this Friday last have left me plagued with an embarrassment so profound that I fear for my very life. Do you recall when we were girls, how Mr. Haggleby fell into the punch bowl at your confirmation and summarily perished? (They said it was the dysentery that took him but I always knew it to be the shame surrounding his most ungainly tumble.) The worry that I should share his fate dogs my every thought!
By Daniel Bradbury6 months ago in Humor
The Unwritten Rules of Grocery Store Parking Lots...
Prologue: Lo, the Battlefield Lo, do I see before me, a kingdom of cracked asphalt and faded paint. A field where the strong prey upon the distracted, where carts roll like tumbleweeds across the prairie, and where no mortal leaves unscathed. This, my friends, is the grocery store parking lot… the true crucible of modern society.
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
Concerning recent Umbrella Events (Which I regret, mostly).
I want to begin by saying I’m sorry. Truly. If I could rewind the morning to a point before everything became… unexplainably entangled, I would. I understand now that my actions were disruptive, and that the neighborhood is still processing what happened.
By Antoni De'Leon6 months ago in Humor
The Dead Plant
I tug my suitcase up the stairwell, of course, today was the day that the elevator broke. I have to take breaks in between the staircases. I take out my water bottle and give myself a break. I continue tugging my suitcase, and I finally make it up to my apartment. After three months of living from a suitcase, it was nice to be home. I unlock the door and pull my suitcase in, and my roommate Janine is standing in the mudroom looking unsure of herself.
By Adrianna M. Braun6 months ago in Humor
