A Formal Apology to the Gruffs

To the Gruff Brothers,

We didn’t meet on the best of terms, and I’ll openly admit that I am entirely to blame. I am deeply sorry for my behavior. I shouldn’t have startled you the way that I did. I can explain, though.

My name is Trevor. I am a civil engineer for the Traffic and Roads Organization (TRO). I have been tasked with inspecting the bridges and roads in your local area as the TRO Local Liason, or as my name tag states:

I was inspecting the roads and bridges in your area for just over a week when our encounter on the bridge occurred. Up until that point, I was very much enjoying your pleasant community and all of its wonders.

Before starting my day, each morning, I had the delight of visiting your bakeries and cafes and enjoying a bit of banter with the locals. It truly was welcoming. I told them I was only here for a short while to inspect the bridges and roads.

Soon enough, and in a playful manner, the local townspeople began greeting me as “Trevor the Troll”. I have been to many communities in this role, and everywhere I go, I am eventually known as Trevor the Troll. I have fun with it and pretend to be a big, scary troll to give everyone a laugh. Everyone needs a little joy in their lives, right?

~~~~~

On the day I went to inspect the bridge near the Green Valley, I found many deficiencies and decided it was in the best interests of safety to spend a few extra days inspecting it.

My new friends at the cafes and bakeries began to joke that I had taken up residence there. It was quite humorous, indeed.

“There’s the troll that lives under the bridge!”

On the final day, I was in a particularly silly mood and thought I would have a bit of fun with my new friends. Assuming everyone was aware that I had been inspecting the bridge, I would call out to those passing above and pretend to be a nasty troll.

‘Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?’

Bringing about laughter to passersby only encouraged me to lean into the role further.

People began to play along with my character. It was getting to be a lot of fun. Passersby would return my calls with silly things like,

‘It’s only me. I’m only going to look for some grass to eat.’

Who eats grass, I thought? Ha! This is getting to be a lot of fun.

‘Oh no, you’re not!” I said, “I’m going to eat you for my breakfast, lunch, and tea!’

‘Oh no! I’m just Little Billy-Goat Gruff. Why don’t you wait for my brother? He’s bigger than me and much tastier.’

‘Oh, all right!’ I thought this was getting good! They are pretending to be a goat! I can work with this.

Upon hearing the next passerby, I really got into character, ‘Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?’

“It’s only me. I’m following my brother, Little Billy-Goat Gruff, so that I can eat the sweet grass.’

Another grass-eater, I thought. This was great fun. More people were playing along. My job is so great sometimes!

‘Oh no you’re not! I’m going to eat you for breakfast, lunch, and tea!’

“Oh no, Mr Troll, you wouldn’t want to eat me. I’m not big enough to fill you up. Wait until my big brother comes along. He’s much tastier than I am.”

‘Oh, all right!’ I had a little giggle to myself and continued with my inspection.

~~~~~

Not long after, I heard another passerby from above.

‘Who’s that trip-trapping over my bridge?’ I boomed.

With a bit of a challenging tone, I heard, “It’s me. Big Billy-Goat Gruff. Who do you think you are?”

‘I’m the Troll, and I’m going to eat you for breakfast, lunch, and tea!’

‘Oh no, you’re not!’

‘Oh yes, I am! You’ll see!’

I figured by this point, the larger-sounding passerby had been the heavy-set baker. I planned to jump out from under the bridge with my scary troll act to give him a good laugh.

Upon my jump, I found myself facing what must have been the largest goat I had ever seen. Not only that, a talking goat! The charge you gave me was by no means mild, and I am now on the mend with several broken ribs. Luckily, your aim was good, and I landed safely in the water below. A few more feet and I would have found the rocks.

I apologize again for startling you and causing your family distress. Moving forward, I will be more aware of my audience when playing jokes. Also, you will no longer have to worry about my presence anywhere near the Green Valley, as I have completed my inspection report and have no reason to return.

My sincerest apologies,

Trevor

Traffic & Roads Organization Local Liason (T.R.O.L.L.)