Once Upon a Time, People Whistled to Communicate

Once upon a time, someone asked; if we whistle in a forest but are all alone, can anyone hear us?

Whistles are interesting actions. They used it back in Paleolithic times to communicate, try to trick animals into being hunted, attract birds, and probably as mating rituals as well. Would the bride-to-be select the most melodic one to pick her suitor? Or would the strongest win the challenge? Some may have made a complete song out of it. I know I would. I will not let myself be beaten. Not whistling anyway. Wrestling is a different story.

I digress…

Whistles could serve as a call between friends that only they would recognize, and during times of war, I'm sure they were constantly used. It’s funny because it’s not a language, and despite that, it is. An entire conversation even, maybe. The possibilities are enormous.

But I confess, since I can’t risk being called a liar. I can’t whistle. Not if my life depends on it. I can do the basic, loud ones with two fingers inside the mouth, which I stopped doing because I freaked out for sanitary reasons. I mean, bacteria central, right? So, I don’t do it any more; hence, I’m a useless whistler. What are we going to do about it?

We should invent a vocabulary similar to morse code that can be understood by everyone universally. Perhaps it could be the new way of communicating. After all, we talk too much…

I’m sure most of you would agree.

Only the most important subjects should be told with a simple whistle. If you need to say something more grandiose, you’ll have a problem. Philosophy is out, obviously. Who needs it, anyway? All the difficulties we have in the world today are because we whistle, er.. talk… too much. Complicating things when we don’t have to. Whistling would solve that problem. Don't you agree?

The mating method is what I find most practical. The best whistler wins the prom queen. Imagine that! That’s fantastic. And once it became mainstream, kids would practice better renditions all day long to get the girl of their dreams. Think about that!

Girls would wear no metal as earrings because that would distort the sound. They would go to whistling-identifying academies to distinguish a good from a bad one, and no more excess ear wax either. That could complicate the judgment ability to hear a good whistle.

Good contenders would marry the girl of their dreams just because of their ability to use great whistling seduction tactics. Professional whistling coaches introduced a new technique that became so popular that everyone wanted to book sessions to learn it. It was the profession that made the most dividends per capita in the world of the most profitable careers. Coaches, influencers, and method instructors all jump on the money wagon as these "teachers" would pop out of the woodwork.

After the fact...

More work was available, and a new economy. Wow! It was a win-win situation for everyone, and people were happy. They walked around with confidence and purpose. They felt good about themselves, all sexes, the families to whom they belonged, and believe it or not, the governments. Warmongers, not so much, but that was to be expected. They don't get to sell arms, so it's time for them to find a new occupation. But if we speak about society at large. It was a definite winner.

People talked less and did more. People found the right match from the get-go, so marriages lasted much longer. Incredibly, all because people started whistling to one another.

Of course, the birds were having a party watching these spectacles of humans trying to imitate them, and many of them joined in on the action.

Everyone whistled; confusion and misunderstandings were a thing of the past. We literally were living in a world of reconciliation and harmony.

Peace reigns in the world. Finally. No more wars. No more arguments, no more violent dissent. Everyone was wondering why haven’t we thought about it before? The evolution of mankind depended on a good, well-intended, and healthy whistle. That’s the way it should’ve been from the start. Whistling Homo sapiens for the win!

The End (or was it the beginning)?