How to become a Cactus

Is life stressful?

Do responsibilities suffocate you?

Does everyone expect too much from you?

Here is the first tutorial to turn yourself into a Cactus and live happily ever after!

First of all, to become a Cactus you have to train yourself to sit still and conserve energy.

You don't need to scramble at work or around the house.

You won't have to go to the gym or get up at dawn to go for a run.

Instead, you'll be sitting still for a long time, so take a deep breath and begin to relax.

Start observing the world around you and try to understand what your ideal position would be.

Better to find a place in the sun, it can be in the home garden, on a balcony, or even in a sunny room.

I do not recommend the workplace. We don't want an envious colleague to slowly kill you by dousing you with cleaning products.

So choose a place in your house, in a corner where you don't get in the way. Please don't choose the windowsill!

You will need to be a cactus large enough to place on the ground. I recommend choosing a terracotta pot, heavy like those of the past, in this way they will think twice about moving around the house and for sure you will not fall to the ground when they bump you by mistake.

In your new life, you will soon realize that nothing is asked of the cactus, no duties, and no commitments. You will be able to enjoy life without doing anything.

But remember, you'll only have to rely on your cactus strength.

If no one remembers you it doesn't matter, because when you are a cactus you will survive without water for a long time. You will not be hungry or thirsty.

The others will be able to go on vacation without you and won't feel guilty, on the contrary, they will think that you are an independent and fantastic plant! Maybe they'll even tell their friends about it!

If, on the other hand, there are too many people or animals around who try to touch you, you will be able to have beautiful thorns at your disposal to keep a safe distance, you will see that they will soon get tired!

If you need some attention during the year, you can give vent your imagination and make beautiful, multicolored flowers bloom. If nothing else, they'll remember you're not made of plastic and maybe they'll remember to water you.

Don't worry, the flowers won't last long, just a few days to receive everyone's admiration for a while, they can even take some pictures and you could end up on Instagram. Then the flower will wither and you can return to your solitary life.

You can bloom once a year, or once every two years. Or never! You will prove that, when you want, you can be beautiful, but only on your terms.

When you're a Cactus, you won't have to worry about birthdays or anniversaries. No one expects gifts and good wishes from a cactus. Of course, you won't get them either, no one will remember when you became a cactus and how long you've been in that corner.

At Christmas, no one decorates a Cactus, so you can sit quietly in your corner. Don't be jealous of the Christmas tree, it's true that it gets a lot of attention, but it's usually made of plastic and lives most of the time locked up in the attic.

Occasionally you may come across a real fir tree, tall and magnificent, sometimes a little superb, who will boast of its beauty, its Christmas decorations, and its power over the inhabitants of the house.

Don't worry, despite all the attention from humans, it will still end up dried up or burned in the fireplace as soon as January arrives.

Instead, they say a cactus can live between 10 and 100 years.

Happy cactus life!

Thank you for reading!