Fun with Spammers - Part 4

I don’t know about you, but I love spammers. They provide endless entertainment!

Welcome to part 4 of “Fun with Spammers”! In this series, I share the most outrageous and hilarious messages I receive in my inbox, as well as my answers.

(Be warned: I have a very weird sense of humor. 😜)

Episode 8: The One About "Unique & High Quality Contents"

Victoria: Hello,

I found your website through Google and I need several posts on your website.

I have team of USA writers and I will provide you 100% unique & high quality contents related to your website.

Please tell me how much would you charge per post?

I am waiting for your reply !

Regards

Victoria Young

Outreach Consultant

Cendrine: $5,000 + another $5,000 for wasting my time.

(This is one of my favorite spam emails to respond to. 😂)

Episode 9: The One About Split Personality

Angel: Hi,

This is Angel Ross from and I represent one of the leading online marketing agencies. The reason I am reaching out is because we have identified a problem with your website.

The Problem

Improper use of Meta tags, lack of H1 tags, missing image alt attributes and that is us just scratching the surface. Your website is currently losing out on a lot of potential visitors by not being listed appropriately on Google, Yahoo and Bing’s search result pages.

Our Solution

SEO is a not something that can be done by following a bunch of blog recommendations and leaving it up to search engines to figure it out. We have been working with companies like yours to enhance their rankings and eventually their sales by tapping into sources of web traffic which are currently not being leveraged.

Interested in learning more?

We’ll start with a free of cost no obligation SEO audit report for your website followed by a free 15 minutes’ consultation call to teach you how you can take control of your website SEO and not leave things to a chance.

Reply to this email and one of our consultant’s will be in touch.

Best,

Angel Ross

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Sarita / Angel: Hi [email protected],

Reading the mail and ignoring it as a mere sales one? That’s fine I didn’t take that by heart!

Just kidding! 🙂

I was wondering if you are interested in our free of cost audit report for your website.

Best,

Angel Ross

Cendrine: Hi xxxxxxx,

Signing Angel Ross and using a different name in your email address? Split personality? That’s fine I didn’t take that by heart!

Just kidding! 🙂

I was wondering if you could stop spamming my inbox. It's free of cost.

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Had that spammer not sent the second email, I would have never answered. Not sure who advises spammers these days, but they certainly don't have the appropriate qualifications for the job. LOL!

Episode 10: The One About Love

Jessica: Hello ,

My name is Jessica XXXX and I fell in love with your blog, http://socialmediaslant.com.

I am currently a ghostwriter and guest poster on several fashion blogs and I was wondering if you would accept one of my guest posts.

I love to write on all topics regarding fashion, accessories and trends and, to make it worth your time I have a few suggestion of possible topics that I think would fit your blog like a glove:

• Mind Blowing Tips I Learned from Other Fashion Blogs
• Stand Out Pieces Each Woman Should Own
• Myths About Louis Vuitton Brand: Busted!

I am open to writing on other subjects related to fashion so if you have something else in mind, please let me know.

A sample of my current guest blogging work can be found here: XXXXXXX

Thanks for your time,

Jessica XXXX

Cendrine: I read somewhere that love makes people blind. That's probably what happened when you saw my blog.

What would fit my blog like a glove is a post that is actually relevant.

(NB: Social Media Slant was a blog about social media marketing and strategy. I ran it for years before moving on to other things.)

More episodes in my series below:

• Part 1
• Part 2
• Part 3

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That's it for today! I hope you enjoyed this latest instalment. I plan on sharing more of my hilarious exchanges with spammers in the near future. Years ago, I ran a blog that featured the most outrageous ones I received in my inbox. I will bring some of my favorite to Vocal!

In the meantime, if you are interested in reading a (very representative) sample, check out my book Bad. Pitches. Period. 30 Flavors of Spammy Emails. You will be glad you did. 😉

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Cendrine Marrouat is a writer, photographer, podcaster, blogger, anthology editor, and the co-founder of Auroras & Blossoms and A Warm Cup of Cozy. She has authored and co-authored more than 40 books, including The Train: A Short Story (2023), In Her Own Words: A Collection of Short Stories & Flashku (2022), After the Fires of Day: Haiku Inspired by Kahlil Gibran & Alphonse de Lamartine (2021), Rhythm Flourishing: A Collection of Kindku and Sixku (2020), Walks: A Collection of Haiku (2019-2020), and In the Silence of Words: A Three-Act Play (2018).

Cendrine's work has appeared in many publications. She is the creator of the Sixku, Flashku, Sepigram, and Reminigram; as well as the co-creator of the Kindku, Pareiku, Vardhaku, and Hemingku.