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Fun with Spammers - Part 2

They provide so much entertainment!

By Cendrine MarrouatPublished 12 months ago Updated 11 months ago 3 min read
Top Story - June 2023
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Fun with Spammers - Part 2
Photo by Hannes Johnson on Unsplash

I don’t know about you, but I love spammers. They provide endless entertainment!

Welcome to part 2 of “Fun with Spammers”! In this mini-series, I share the most outrageous and hilarious messages I receive in my inbox, as well as my answers.

(Be warned: I have a very weird sense of humor. 😜)

Episode 3: The One About Spotify and Céline Dion

A private conversation I had with Enrico (invented name) on LinkedIn.

Trigger warning: Some of the language is offensive.

My go-to resource to annoy spammers and sex maniacs who hit me up in private messages on social media? GIFs of Céline Dion. (As you will see, they work like a charm.)

Unfortunately, GIFs seem to disappear within 24 hours from direct messages on LinkedIn, which explains why some of my answers are blank. But I will include examples under the screenshots, so you can re-use them.

(I love using Giphy to find the most hilarious GIFs.)

Enrico: Hello, if you are looking for a professional Spotify music promotion We will promote your music to the proper audience and at the proper time. Our marketing consultants can drop your music to Social Media and make sure you will get huge engagement for your music...

Cendrine: Hello. Do you even do research on the people you contact? (I am not a musician.)

Enrico: Yes

Cendrine: Maybe you need glasses?

Enrico: Hahaha, no

Cendrine: So how much do they pay you to spam hard-working people?

Enrico: What do you mean? Spam?

Cendrine: You know exactly what I mean. Stop playing dumb.

Enrico: Link to Fiverr profile / Link to Link.tree profile

Cendrine: I didn't ask for links. I asked a simple question: "how much do they pay you to spam hard-working people?"

Enrico: Image containing his fees to promote "my music" on Spotify.

Cendrine: GIF of Céline Dion.

Enrico: I am a professional digital marketer, this link provided its

Cendrine: Professional is in the eye of the beholder.

Enrico: There is organic audience

Cendrine: There is also organic food.

Enrico: Are you jooking

Cendrine: Are you jooking yoorself?

Enrico: Sent

Cendrine: Sent too

Enrico: Stop f✬✬k

Cendrine: Stop f✬✬k too

Enrico: F✬✬k u

Cendrine: F✬✬k u too

Enrico: Stop f✬✬k

Cendrine: Stop f✬✬k too

Enrico: I'll f✬✬k your p✬✬✬y

Cendrine: GIF of Céline Dion.

Enrico: Deeply

Cendrine: GIF of Céline Dion.

Enrico: Stop f✬✬k

Cendrine: GIF of Céline Dion

Enrico: My panis is Big and long do u want?

Cendrine: GIF of Céline Dion.

Enrico: Stop message.

Cendrine: GIF of Céline Dion

Enrico never bothered me again after that. I have Céline to thank!!

Episode 4: The One About Mark Zuckerberg and the pandemic

The message below comes comes from Lisa (invented name) on Instagram.

Lisa: MR Cendrine Marrouat I am (Lisa) by name, I was authorized by the CEO Mr.Mark Elliot Zuckerberg and the Board of Directors of INSTAGRAM/ FACEBOOK social Inc. concerning the on going online Pandemic promotion.

Cendrine: MR Lisa, I am Cendrine Marrouat by name, I was authorized by your parents to tell you that you are grounded.

Those random messages always give me the giggles. I imagine the spammer typing from their bedroom in the basement of their parents' house, thinking the recipient will believe them and be enthused by their proposal. It is very helpful when I need to come up with appropriate answers.

--------

That's it for today! I hope you enjoyed the latest episodes in my series. I plan on sharing more of my hilarious exchanges with spammers in the near future. Years ago, I ran a blog that featured the most outrageous ones I received in my inbox. I will bring some of my favorite to Vocal!

In the meantime, if you are interested in reading a (very representative) sample, check out my book Bad. Pitches. Period. 30 Flavors of Spammy Emails. You will be glad you did. 😉

WitSatiricalSarcasmGeneralFunny
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About the Creator

Cendrine Marrouat

Writer & Author⎜Photographer⎜Artist⎜Co-founder of Auroras & Blossoms / A Warm Mug of Cozy⎜(Co-)creator of literary forms

"The Train: A Short Story" is out!

Website: https://creativeramblings.com

Donations: https://ko-fi.com/cendrineartist

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Comments (29)

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  • Kenny Penn9 months ago

    Hahaha I love stories like this where people piss spammers/scammers off. Great content!

  • Elisandro Pedro12 months ago

    Spammers are funny but sometimes they are the worse.. kkkkk

  • Chloe Gilholy12 months ago

    My panis is long too. The Celine Dion gifs makes this better.

  • Heather Hubler12 months ago

    Bahahaha!!! This was fabulous!! I loved how quickly that first one went south and those gif's were great. I had so much fun reading, thanks for the laughs. Congratulations on Top Story :)

  • Fateen Khan12 months ago

    Yeah it's entertaining 😅

  • My panis is big 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I love your responses and Celine Dion GIFs! You're hilarious! Thank you so much for sharing this!

  • C.Z.12 months ago

    Haha I love messing with scammers too 😂 my go-to is to call them increasingly weird dessert nicknames. Sugar escalates to raspberry cannoli pretty quickly.

  • David C. Connor12 months ago

    💯

  • Doc Sherwood12 months ago

    Loved this! I had an email phishing scam in something like 2021, and replied: "Do you live in a cave?" but sadly received no further word from him. Now thanks to your article I want to strike up conversations with every one! The US Army veterans who need to transfer funds might be a big rough-tough for me, but I'll expect nothing less than regal loquacity from that African prince.

  • Heather Lunsford12 months ago

    I love this so much. I may copy your genious gif idea. My husband has been a legend in our household since he handled a collection agency that kept calling even though he told them they wanted the person who used to have the phone number by only repeating the phrase "I like hot dogs". Thank you for sharing.

  • MARIE ODEMS 12 months ago

    GREAT WORK 💜

  • Mackenzie Davis12 months ago

    Yessss, another one! This was fantastic. The GIFs are *mwah* perfection. And I love how you copy their style. “I was authorized by your parents to tell you you’re grounded.” 😂

  • J. R. Lowe12 months ago

    Bahahahah oh my gosh you handled that perfectly. Love your work 😂

  • Leslie Writes12 months ago

    Lol - these guys have no idea who they’re messing with. I’m going back to read part one now.

  • Kendall Defoe 12 months ago

    Do I laugh or cry about this one? Absolutely brilliant take down of a creep! Great TS!

  • Congratulations on your Top Story❤️😉💯❗

  • Ian Read12 months ago

    Another day fighting the good fight! 🤣 Well done and congrats on TS!

  • Cathy holmes12 months ago

    Congrats on the TS

  • KJ Aartila12 months ago

    🤣 Hilarious! Love the idea of sending the Celine Dion GIFS. - that would drive me crazy! 😍

  • Matthew Fromm12 months ago

    This is the energy I need to fight back against the spammers!

  • Hahaha…GIFS are good. Such a brilliant piece of work. Actually this happens to me on my Snapchat. I receive request from account promoting only fans girls. 😒 this is annoying. Too much annoying.

  • Some people are unbelievable, the descent into compete git was very quick, thank you for sharing

  • Denise E Lindquist12 months ago

    🤣🤣🤣

  • Donna Renee12 months ago

    Omg sending the gifs is brilliant 🤣🤣🤣

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