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Fun with Spammers

They provide so much entertainment!

By Cendrine MarrouatPublished about a year ago 3 min read
Fun with Spammers
Photo by Possessed Photography on Unsplash

I don’t know about you, but I love spammers. They provide endless entertainment!

Welcome to “Fun with Spammers”! In this mini-series, I will share the most outrageous and hilarious messages I receive in my inbox, as well as my answers.

(Be warned: I have a very weird sense of humor. 😜)

Episode 1: The One About Amazon and the Book Promoter

A short LinkedIn conversation with Nina (invented name)...

Nina: I am a professional Amazon book promoter. If you promote your book organically. I will promote your book to your targeted and the right audience. You can take amazon review if you want. If you wnat to promote your book, i will promote your book Than contact me, I am wating. Message me for more

Cendrine: If you are as good at promoting books as you are at writing pitches, I am much better off without your help.

Nina: Thanks

Cendrine: You are welcome!

(She tried to add me as a connection right after. She probably didn’t understand my reply. 😂😂)

Episode 2: The One About My Long-Lost Cousin and Gold

An email exchange with Alex. It's a very common scam, so there was no need for me to hide names.

Trigger warning: Some of the language is offensive.

Alex:

I am writing you this mail in respect of my late client that bears the same last name as you. My late client died in a motor accident whose relatives I cannot get in touch with because he did not put down anyWILL and he came to this country when he was a little child.

I am compelled to do this because I would not want the bank to push my client’s funds into the bank treasury as unclaimed inheritance and the amount involved is $14.5 million dollars and 250 Kilogram of gold deposited with the bank security department for safe keeping.

He died without any registered next of kin and as such the funds now have an open beneficiary mandate. Fortunately, both of you have the same last name so it will be very easy to make you become his official next of kin. If you are interested you do let me know so that I can give you comprehensive details on what we are to do.

Please send your response to my private email address :([email protected])

Best regards,

Mr. Alex Jacobson

Cendrine:

Mr. Alex Jacobson,

Thank you for your email.

Unfortunately, my relative worked with another lawyer beside you. He contacted me a few days ago, and mentioned $18 million and 500kg of gold.

I can only come to the conclusion that someone is lying. I don’t think it would be you, though. I feel that your concern for me is more genuine!

This matter needs to be resolved urgently. I hope we can come to an arrangement that is mutually beneficial.

I am not at liberty to disclose any information via this email address, as it is monitored by the FUS (F — k You Scammer) authorities in my country. But should you want to discuss things further, feel free to email me at [email protected].

Best regards,

Ms. Cendrine Marrouat

Alex:

This is the gold when it was rechecked in the bank before my late client depicted and I will show you the fund it want and if you are interested kindly let me know so that we will forge ahead since I have all the proofs for the fund and the gold and all information’s that will make this fund and gold enter your account hitch free.

(The two screenshots come from a video the scammer attached to his response.)

Cendrine:

Please show me everything.

But once again, I am not at liberty to disclose any information via this email address, as it is monitored by the FUS (F — k You Scammer) authorities in my country. But should you want to discuss things further, feel free to email me at [email protected].

(I’m still waiting for an answer. 😜)

That's it for today! I hope you enjoyed the two episodes above. And if you want to read more of the hilarious spam I receive in my inbox (and my silly, fictional responses), check out Bad. Pitches. Period. 30 Flavors of Spammy Emails.

GeneralWitSatireComedyWriting

About the Creator

Cendrine Marrouat

Writer & Author⎜Photographer⎜Artist⎜Co-founder of Auroras & Blossoms / A Warm Mug of Cozy⎜(Co-)creator of literary forms

"The Train: A Short Story" is out!

Website: https://creativeramblings.com

Donations: https://ko-fi.com/cendrineartist

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Comments (11)

  • Donna Reneeabout a year ago

    🤣🤣. I can tell you are having fun!

  • Leslie Writesabout a year ago

    Haha - Nice!

  • Phil Flanneryabout a year ago

    That was funny. Unfortunately I don't often have your sense of humour when these idiots call. Well done.

  • That was fun, excellent piece and hopefully a Top Story as well

  • Rebecca Pattonabout a year ago

    Haha, do they not read messages? You think they would stop trying after that clear hint! Thank you for showing us your sense of humor.

  • Gina C.about a year ago

    This is so funny, Cendrine! 😅 What a great idea! I love how you are putting your energy toward humor instead of annoyance with this spam 🤗 Awesome read!

  • I love how you find humor in one of the most annoying things on the planet. Great job! Thanks for this!

  • Ian Readabout a year ago

    I absolutely loved this! Reminds me of when are home phone was one number off of Domino's and my Dad would punk the stream of rude Domino's customers lol

  • Mackenzie Davisabout a year ago

    This is so fun, Cendrine! Reminds me of James Veitch’s antics. The back and forth of obvious and oblivious is hilarious to see, and these were perfect. 😆

  • Judey Kalchik about a year ago

    fun! I enjoyed your antics. I will want to refer to this for my own ideas later.

  • Dana Crandellabout a year ago

    These are fun, Cendrine. I love to mess with them, too. Since I run my own web and email server, I have some pre-written responses for email spam, too. When I block an IP address, I just select "block with message" and use whichever one fits my mood. 😉

Cendrine MarrouatWritten by Cendrine Marrouat

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