What’s the “Situation” With Modern Love & Heartbreak?

During my high school and college tenure, the word "situationship" hadn't yet been popularized, but the concept certainly was. If you're unfamiliar with the term, it might be because the idea is ambiguous in and of itself.

Boiled down, it largely refers to a vague situation where two potentially romantic partners try to navigate the complex nature of a relationship with very little commitment. Its purpose is to essentially let each person "feel the other one out" before committing (or not committing) to a real relationship. It's nothing more than a Venn diagram where "single" and "taken" are the circles and the overlapping piece is the situationship. It's both, yet neither. It's exploratory-providing freedom in exchange for security.

The term itself just names a circumstance that has existed long before younger generations openly acknowledged it.

However, despite the new name, the situation remains as murky as ever.

Perhaps it is in these unclear lines where the thrilling excitement and hope takes place. But it is also in these shadowed corners that insecurity and non-commitment fester. Depending upon a variety of factors, the outcomes can be drastic. There is potential for real connection (love) or sudden dissolvement (heartbreak). It's as reliable as flipping a coin.

On the positive, the undefined connection is what makes them so exciting. It's something that makes us feel special in the eyes of our "partner" —almost like a secret rendezvous. It has all the spark and excitement of the beginning of a romance movie, where unspoken desires and intentions provide gratifying satisfaction. The ambiguous nature adds a certain je ne sais quoi.

Unfortunately, situationships are not all roses. As stated, risk is involved. The lack of clarity and definition between the pair can create confusion, disappointment, and ultimate heartbreak. The vagueness of the situationship itself leaves anything possible-bad or good.

If a relationship doesn't manifest, the situation becomes difficult. At best, a lack of connection is felt mutually and fizzles out naturally. At worst, an abrupt ends-before-it-began saga takes place. Intended to provide more freedom, the situationship also poses real risk if the outcome is undesired. And the lack of something owed can leave the dumpee feeling robbed without knowing why.

When these "situationships" don't develop into real relationships, the lack of true intimacy can leave a person wanting more. The very definition requires holding something back: vulnerability. The lack of substance is insufficient long term.

The resulting halt of those relationships that fail to develop can be as sudden as their meteoric rise-and doubly as painful.

Because there is little to no commitment, there's frequently little to no closure. No matter the emotional connection formed over the weeks/months of the situationship, they often end suddenly without satisfaction. And the lack of responsibility to the other person leaves a gaping hole behind. The concept is a Russian roulette of the heart. You either end with love or heartbreak.

In the age of instant gratification, these low commitment relationships are all too irresistible. They provide all the excitement with very little risk. Yet, they easily blur the lines between love and heartbreak. The lack of commitment or authentic connection makes the excitement quickly transform to unrelenting anxiety and a lack of security. The simple situationship becomes complex and confusing.

As Barbie so aptly put it, the "long term long distance low commitment casual [girl/boy]friend" has become the norm. It's the standard for how many people begin almost all of their relationships.

Coinciding terms like "failed talking stage" emphasize just how regular and disappointing this is. Without vested interest, we're already mixing lack of genuine connection and future heartbreak into the equation before we even give the relationship a chance.

The popularization of this term, "situationship," and the acceptance of the concept, shows just how our ideas of love and heartbreak have developed over time.Rather than prearranged marriages, committed courtships, and one partner for life, the idea of situationships are better received.

It’s Never That Simple

The changes brought by these situationships are not all for the bad. Though it may set people up for heartbreak with its one-foot-in-one-foot-out ideology, it also provides a level of agency and autonomy that was nonexistent in the past.

Yes, commitment may be harder to find, but once discovered, it can yield a deeper more meaningful relationship with a better fitting partner. The abundance of caution when it comes to emotional intimacy — if not physical — has led to a changed dynamics in relationships. People are more comfortable with, and free to walk away from, “ships” that don’t benefit them.

The combination of all of these factors make the breakdown of situationships as complex as the idea itself. Though they certainly pose risks-and prepare users for disappointment-they also provide a new level of freedom and agency.

Love and heartbreak will always exist, often hand in hand. There are no modern or ancient inventions that can be used to avoid this. Yet, the rise of situationships show how new generations are finding their feet.

As they navigate the waters of love and heartbreak, they are discovering their own ways to date, break up, and cope with the romantic world all on their own. Is it for the best? Who can say? But one thing situationships have managed to create is a mutual community among men and women about the honesty, complexity, and difficulties of "dating" in the modern world.

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