To Never Cross Paths Again

there was once a time I cared about people pleasing

what people thought of me

what i thought of others

but those days are over

i can write my own story now

i can breathe how i want

live how i want

say whatever, however i want

go where i want

i can step into who i am as a woman

however i want

however...

in my freedom

i feel the need to explode

to explain

to explode into a thousand little pieces

with freedom

especially as a woman

you become the villain in others stories

when you stop being the "yes" person

the no boundaries person

the "no, i don't feel like it" person

you. become. the. villain

i look at myself more as Maleficent though

i live my life with a purpose

a newfound one

not one of people pleasing or obligation

but one where i care deeply about others

but now i have added myself into the mix

you said i cheated on you when you looked me in my face and told me "no"

you were talking to someone new

you "didn't know" but still wanted me to stay

but i left instead and started a new relationship

but you say i cheated...

and then a girl started talking in the background

how ironic

i am the villain

and i will take the title happily because...

you were the one still talking to your ex

you were the one receiving pictures from your ex

you were the one sneaking around behind my back and then lying to my face whenever i found out

you were the one that so recklessly and carelessly destroyed the relationship you never built in the first place

i did

i picked up my life, got disowned from my own family, and moved to a place i never wanted to be in for you...

for us...

for a pity party-looking for all the time-man who is to immature and weak-minded and hearted to ever admit where he went wrong and how he needs to fix it

so he spends his life wronging those that actually care about you

and he'll never learn

blocked

deleted

for good

egotistical

i have watched as pride has ruined so many things in your life

and it will continue

some friendship...

the tears i cried for myself i will never get back

the agony

full body shaking i did to ween myself off of you was embarrassing

but i did it

i did it for me

for the child that was always treated the ways you treated me

she doesn't deserve false love

false friendship

anymore

she deserves better

good riddance

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i am still in love with people that don't deserve it

but i see that now

and i am closer to my womanhood

and my person

for it

i allowed you to toy with me

to play with my emotions

i hope when you hear songs you still think of me

i hope i no longer have to see you pass my door next year

or how blatantly obnoxious you are because you live for the validation of others

but i miss you

and if i could have just you i would gladly do it all over again

you were it for me

YOU

though

not the scared you

the people pleasing you

the "i'm obligated" you

i mean the mini glimpses of the you i got here and there

until you would be driving

until you checked your phone

until you needed to go home

until something was said

but i hope i am the villain in your story also

i hope you learned that you can't treat people like dolls

and neither can your family

i hope you're learning to be truer to yourself

just yourself

no one else

because believe it or not

at the end of the day

they don't matter

i hope you know what an absolute monster you can be

and i hope you never get in someone's face and yell at them

and then 5 minutes later get into their bed like everything is okay

again

(i should have called the cops...)

6 times

that's how many times i kicked you out of my house

my therapist told me i "disassociated" and asked me if i do it often...

nope

just with you

i feel so sorry for you

i hope you never go through a breakup and have to admit that you did it "again"

i hear songs and they remind me of what we could have been

if you weren't such a victim to life

your life

the damsel in distress look isn't cute on anyone

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i love my boundaries now

i hate the way i am always treated

the overly comfortable way people get around me to where they have no respect for me at all

i am that much of a challenge that respect is not needed in order to compete with me

i am too much

and i like it that way

i hope you look back and realize that life really didn't need to be this hard

and then look at your lives in the present moment and be proud of the growth you made

if not,

then please realize that you were never the victim in your story

but rather...

another villain

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May this end here

and may you never come back

never come back knocking on my door

May i finally let you go as i have with so many before

May you be successful

and gain everything that you ever dreamed for your life

May you soon become a distant memory in mine to never cross paths again