The Wedding vs. the Marriage

It’s better to have a $30 wedding and a million dollar marriage than to have a million-dollar wedding and a $30 marriage.

We see this all the time. Famous and wealthy people spend astronomical amounts of money to have fabulous wedding ceremonies but then the marriage only lasts a few months or at the most a few years. On the other hand, we see people go to the courthouse and/or the Justice of the Peace and end up being married for a lifetime. How is this so? Marriage is not about money. You can have all the money in the world, but if the two individuals are not compatible and mature, having much wealth won’t even matter. As the adage says, “Marriage is for grown folks” or should I say “mature” folks.

For the marriage to last, both parties should be willing to compromise, adjust, forgive, and honor their commitment vows. Most importantly, the excitement must go beyond the wedding ceremony because it’s after the honeymoon that the real responsibilities and duties will kick in. Oftentimes those things are tedious and mundane not fun and games, but they are necessary for maintaining a healthy marriage. In addition, there are several other elements pertinent to a successful marriage- oneness/wholeness and adjusting to two main transitions.

Let's start with "being one" (oneness) and being whole "wholeness". Here is a quote, "And the “two” shall be “one”". This is a well known, famous phrase. How in the world can this happen? The best way to make one whole (1) is to have two equal halves (.50+.50). When two people are completed halves, then the marriage is normally going to flourish and last. However, when this doesn’t occur, for the relationship to last, one party will have to make up for what the other lacks. Here are few ways a couple can arrive at being one whole (1) without two equal halves-.60+.40, .70+.30, .80+.20, and .90+.10. As you can see, this becomes very strenuous for one but easy for the other. This scenario is the explanation for why so many marriages are failing. Often, the couples are starting off with each partner being his/her complete half, but then somewhere down the line, someone stops working and making up his/her half. Both parties must commit to working as a team and each player playing his/her role completely and consistently. Now, I know at times you have to "take one for the team" as they say, but this can't be a prolonged situation.

Next up is "adjusting to two main transitions". Two main changes that will occur are in the physical appearance and treatment of each other. I quote myself, "After time passes your spouse is not the same person you married." Do you ever take the time to reminisce over the early years of your marriage? Do you recall how beautiful and sexy she was? She had an awesome figure, her smile was one to die for, her hair was always nicely styled, she possessed a pleasant personality, and most of all, she always wanted to be with you.

Do you remember how handsome and muscular he was? His stomach resembled a six-pack. His biceps, triceps, and chest were perfectly sculptured. He kept his hair cut or trimmed neatly. Most importantly, he was very romantic, and he gave you quality time and attention.

What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. You lost the courtship and dating aspect of the marriage. Since my wife and I enjoyed such a great honeymoon, in the past I would always tell engaged couples and newlyweds, “Stay on the honeymoon”. Since I have recently discovered many people have horrible experiences on their honeymoons, I have adjusted this phrase to saying, “Remain boyfriend/girlfriend”. Take a moment and think back to your time of dating and courting, and the first few months of your marriage. Everything was normally fantastic for most couples.

In summary, if you want the former things restored, go back to the wooing mode. Vie for your partner’s attention and affection. Win him/her all over again like you once did. And by all means, make adjustments to accommodate the new person he/she has become.