The Secret to Lasting Love According to Science

Camilla was telling her relationship coach James about her new lover.

"It's exciting and fun, but when I need him, he's not there." I feel like I can't tell him anything that's going on in my life because he tunes out. I guess it irritates him when I talk too much." She said with a sad face.

"What's the matter, James?" Am I too needy? "I feel like I'm pounding my head against a wall."

"Well," I remarked, "it sounds like you are pounding your head against a wall."

The fact is that some guys are like walls.

They're not looking for an emotional connection. They want a relationship just for fun.

And if you want the same thing, that's OK.

But if you're like Camilla, wondering whether you're wrong to want more, if your need to feel emotionally close to him makes you desperate...

Then there's something I want to tell you.

What you're going to discover is one of the scientifically-proven secrets of long-lasting love for life.

If you've ever felt lonely in a relationship, chances are you were lacking this essential ingredient.

Ready to find out what it is?

What keeps you together forever?

Let's start with what it isn't.

The key to long-lasting love is not chemistry.

It's not compatibility.

It is not a set of common values.

All of these attributes are great, and they may lead to you walking down the aisle.

They will not, however, get you through the ups and downs of life together: the difficulties of raising kids, dealing with hardship, managing sickness, and becoming old.

There is only one specific component that holds you together when life's stresses threaten to pull you apart.

It's emotional connection.

Specifically, a type of emotional connection known as a safe haven.

A Relationship that Provides a Safe Haven

When you have a safe haven, you intuitively reach out to them when you are distressed.

When you are in pain, they will drop everything to be with you.

You feel held by them.

They are not afraid of your compassion, pain, or vulnerability. They may feel weird and uncomfortable, but they show up for you because that's what partners do.

They are emotionally available, responsive, and involved.

They try to match your energy: they are sad when you're sad, smile when you smile, and modify their energy to match yours.

When you think to yourself:

"Is this person available to me when I need them? Do they think I'm important?"

…You already know the answer is yes.

Obviously, your partner cannot always be available to you. He will occasionally be unavailable or insensitive.

But, deep down, you know that your partner will be there for you as best he can when you are in need.

When You Don't Have a Relationship That Provides a Safe Haven

There are three things you can do if you don't feel like your relationship is your safe haven yet.

1. Discuss it with him.

Share the idea of a safe haven with him if he's open to it. Ask him what his thoughts are about the idea. Is this something that you'll could work on together?

You might approach the subject more subtly by asking him, "Who do you think is the absolutely perfect couple?"

Then dig deeper by asking him, "Why is their relationship so wonderful?" "What do you like best about it?"

Find out what type of relationship he fantasizes about. Is he seeing a relationship in which you prioritize each other and can rely on each other? Or does he envision a casual and fun relationship?

2. Match his emotional investment level.

It doesn't always matter if he isn't the guy you want to spend your life with. You can continue in the relationship if he's enjoyable and you like his company while getting your emotional needs satisfied by friends or family.

Of course, this is not a long-term solution. However, it may work in the short run.

Meanwhile, keep your heart safe by emotionally engaging in him only to the extent that he emotionally invests in you.

3. Look for a partner who can be your safe haven.

Not every man seeks a safe haven relationship. They do not want a partner who is emotionally dependent on them.

If you keep getting those guys, you might want to reconsider what you look for in a partner.

Look for someone who is grounded and consistent rather than focusing on chemistry and compatibility. He cares about how you are feeling. He shows up for you.

When you start looking for these characteristics, you'll start seeing them in unexpected places.

A person may not be flashy or charming, but he checks in to see how you're doing. Not every woman would notice, but you will. You'll smile, knowing that this may be the beginning of something wonderful.

But guess what... there is a way to 'trigger' a man's emotional desire. It really is quite simple. If you want to learn how to fascinate a guy who thinks he's not ready for relationship, then get this FREE eGuide here