I don't want to speak for everyone in their early twenties, but trying to figure out if you want to be in a relationship or not is a tough decision. It's a completely different decade than 40 years ago because we're not being pressured or forced to marry someone and buy a house all before the ripe age of 26. Women are independent creatures now too, not to say we don't like having a man to fix the sink or get something from the top shelf for us, but we are making something for ourselves these days. We have the choice to choose a career we are passionate about and are able to make enough money to be financially independent. However, what if there's that little voice in the back of your brain saying "you need a man" or "it would be a lot nicer to come home to someone?"
I’m a rather average person. An average looking girl who lives a rather average life. I’m not someone you would actually notice. As a matter of fact, I went throughout my entire school years as someone you wouldn’t really notice. If you did notice me, however, you either talked shit or thought I was a mean person due to my resting bitch face. I was fortunate enough to hang with folks that I called my “friends,” but you know how that goes: once school ends, all the people you called your “friends” rarely contact you and vice versa.
When your older sister who has been with her seemingly perfect husband for 16 years asks what you want for your 30th birthday and then suggests maybe a boyfriend...ah, jokes. But the thing about my family, and please remember that I love them dearly, is none of them have ever been single for any length of time. Ever. When I say I prefer to be single or when I say I am totally fine on my own, doing my own thing and answering to no one, they all nod sympathetically while I can only imagine they’re thinking to themselves how lonely I must be. That’s the look I always get. I am the one who jokes that my Christmas gift to my mom will be getting myself a boyfriend. It would make her so happy, and maybe one day it will make me happy, but so far, this has not been the case.
I live in London, in the centra of rush hour. I've lived here for the past two years, probably having quite a normal "Londoner life." I go to uni, I live in a house with my mates, I have a part time job in Notting Hill, I go to the gym and yada yada, you get the picture. But I haven't always lived here, before London I lived in Australia for two years and before that I was being brought up in Sweden. An amazing journey if I could say it myself but here comes the problem:
One of my most unredeemable qualities is my inability to move on. While it’s not as bad as it used to be, up until high school I used to love people feeling bad for me whenever I went through hard times. I wanted to hold grudges for everyone who had wronged me growing up so that I could chastise them in my writing and artwork. If I were lucky and got famous enough to be on a talk show or win an award, the plan was to definitely make the point of calling them out on national television.
I've been single for a good eight years now and there's a reason for that. I guess you could say I wasn't really ready for a relationship, even though I've been in a few throughout high school, and in my early 20s. I always thought being in a relationship would make me happy. I was engaged at 20 and that was a rocky relationship. But I was young and dumb at the time. I wasn't in love with her. I was in love with the idea. But that's another story.
I'm going to be straight—I'm 32 years old, and in my 32 years of life I've never had a long-term relationship.
Is it just me, or has it become increasingly difficult to be a confident man these days? Now before you read any further this isn’t a sob-story of how no one understands me or some incel fantasy manifesto. I am just saying that in today’s current climate of political correctness and gender identity, I feel like a Mercenary in a mine-field. If you are a male in your 20s to currently above the expected norm for male lifespan and you aren’t easily insulted by the expressed thoughts of a random stranger through an electronic medium then keep reading.
*Sigh* It really hurts. I can’t tell whether or not he really likes me. He seems to like her… They seem way too close to be just coworkers. I’ve seen them hug before as well as I’ve seen them rush to the back by themselves.
After I got the news about Sofia and Ellen, I was devastated. We ended up hanging out at our mutual friend's place and a good friend of mine. Peter wanted me to come with him to get some food for our friends. We went to Wendy's, I was barely hungry so I just got a drink and some french fries with our orders and since it was a big order, we had to wait in the parking lot. I told Peter about how I was having feelings for Sofia and how I was holding up with the news, then he told me that he was having feelings for her too.
May 28, 2015: A day I just can't forget no matter what. I was on the floor with a hole in my chest surrounded by people who got the same news as me except I wasn't happy, so I look at the ceiling hoping that I'll wake up from this nightmare but I'm still awake and this pain is the only thing I have right now....