People often ask me why I am single.
Spoiling Yourself for Valentine's
So you're going into the New Year single. Although being apart of a divine union is beautiful, some have not been as fortunate in this area. From being newly single or habitually running into the wrong energy and not seeing the lessons we tend to stop appreciating what we have in front of us.
I find myself 30-years-old, picking myself up after yet another failed relationship attempt, and realizing, in these moments, that my heart feels divided. There is a part of me, the part I am most familiar with, that has always been certain I wanted my prince charming, a baby or two, and roots. But a strange and unexpected thing has started to happen to me. As I look around at my friends who are getting married and buying houses and having babies, I only kind of envy them.
So, after being single for a few years, I am finally in a relationship (let the church say "Amen"). Since I have been in a relationship, my eyes have been further opened up to the different conversations of what a Proverbs 31 woman should be like or what a Boaz-like man should be like. People who come up with every definition of who a man should be to his lady, who a woman should be to her man, and what people should be to this world. Like other single folk, I have gone through countless lectures of how I may be too much or not good enough, and that I need to change. Everyone has a say on how I should speak, eat, think, interact, feel, and live in order to be considered attractive or worthy for a man. It seems that everyone is an expert.
We live in a society where people are expected to be coupled. There's a growing acceptance that the heterosexual married couple with kids isn't the only form that couplehood can take, but there are still people who will think that something's not right if you're single.
I guess it's journal day! I know I shouldn't stress about my first kiss, and I'm really not, but is it really a big deal? No, right? I've told myself so many times that it's not a big deal, and it shouldn't be. But why do people always freak out when I tell them. Is it weird that a 22-year-old girl has never had her first kiss? Some of you might be saying "yes," others "no," maybe a few "who cares?" Well, I don't care.
If you ask me what my “ideal man” is, I’d give you my well polished answer “I’m looking for a strong, "Viking" type guy, tall, with tattoos and a beard."
One of the Wiktionary definitions of curmudgeon is "an ill-tempered person full of stubborn ideas or opinions." According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, it's a "crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man." I'm not a man, and I'm not particularly old, either, although at just shy of 40 I'm pretty old by societal standards to be single and never married. But does that mean I'm too old to ever be consciously coupled?
This is a human experience that is very near and dear to my heart, particularly in recent months. I went through a difficult breakup with my partner of six years, who I still love and respect as a dear friend.
When it comes to dating, Paris and New York are like two famous men: both come with reputations that precede them. On one side of the Atlantic we have have the elitist Frenchmen, self-proclaimed ardent lovers who, paradoxically, reject the entire concept of “dating” as a restricting endeavor where romance goes to die.
Being a single is horrible. Not because being single is awful. Being single is an amusing and amazing time. It gives you the opportunity to relearn yourself and to determine who you want to be. Many high school kids didn't get that opportunity, either dating all through high school or trying to fit in all through high school. Being single in your twenties is awful because of all the people who tell you that you shouldn't be single. Being single in your twenties is horrible because of all the weddings you go to where people ask where your date is. Being single in your twenties is horrible because every birthday someone reminds you that you're "running out of time". Being single in your twenties is horrible because your friends won't stop trying to convince you to join Tinder, again. Being single in your twenties is horrible because suddenly, trips to the bar with your friends turns into them trying to get you to flirt with the guy across the room who you have zero interest in.