From Female Pattern Recognition to Empathy

Until recently, my understanding of women was like artificial intelligence.

In a documentary I watched recently, AI was described as pattern recognition presenting itself as an intelligent response. Rather than truly understanding language, it recognizes statistical patterns and predicts—or, dare I say, guesses—the most likely word or punctuation mark to come next.

It occurred to me that this parallels my own approach to women. I did not understand why asking, “Why are we having chicken and potatoes again?” would cause a blowup in which she perceived my question as proof of my lack of appreciation for her and her efforts throughout the day.

Memory updated. New rule: Don’t ask why about dinner. Ever. Saved.

I was a logical machine trying to navigate the intricate nuances of women’s experiences without understanding what was happening beneath the surface.

Until the last few years, that is. Only now, as a single father and caretaker of every aspect of my day-to-day existence, do I more fully appreciate the mental and emotional burden of domestic work that still falls disproportionately on women in our society, whether they work full-time or not.

Now, I don’t claim to understand all the hormonal and biological implications, but I am curious and will research the subject at times. I do, however, have firsthand experience balancing the load of homemaking, caring for children, and caring whether they grow up to not suck. It is exhausting.

Add in emotional dysregulation from adjacent adults who have no issue adding their burdens to your existing workload under the excuse, “You’re better at this than I am,” and you have a recipe for murder. I get the true-crime podcasts now, ladies.

While men may, on average, possess greater physical strength, we often seem remarkably unprepared to carry the collection of small, mundane responsibilities that keep civilized life functioning.

This pressure is felt deeply by the adult holding every little piece of the daily minutiae of civilized living. And you care so much! Not because it matters to you, but because it matters to those you love. You masochists.

A man may sleep soundly at night, physically exhausted by the strenuous labors of his day, but his pleasant slumber is also partially possible because he rests assured that all the peripheral tasks of his existence are being well managed by his female partner. Her sleep being disturbed by anxiety.

I miss that division of labor: providing financial stability while someone else managed the domestic machinery of life. But that exchange comes at a great mental and emotional cost for wives and mothers, taking a measurable physiological toll and potentially disrupting stress systems involving hormones such as cortisol.

The result? You feel like you are going crazy!

Yes, they sense it, and no, they don’t need it pointed out to them mid-breakdown.

So, on behalf of my well-cared-for fellow men, I want women to know that we appreciate you, even when we aren’t conscious of exactly why.

And I get it now. Jesse AI has gotten an upgrade. I no longer merely recognize your patterns. I can now empathize with the reasons why—like a real boy.

Author's note: To any who may perceive this as an attempt by me to placate to women and get attention... It is not, I do not have sufficient energy to manage my own nervous system and still do justice to a relationship. Also, my current empathy for women, and hard working and caring individuals in general, does not allow me to add the burden of my current load of responsibilities onto another human being. Plus, if you are interested in me that is an automatic red flag 😅.