Is The Date Interested? How To Tell In Just 15 Minutes

When we meet someone new, especially on a date, we’re often anxious to make that good first impression. If we are also drawn to them, we’re likely to wonder whether they like us, too.

Often that is difficult to assess, because most people tend to be nervous, shy, or introverted. Being reluctant to reveal their true feelings, there is likely to be a lot of pretence to impress each other. Everyone also expresses their interest differently, but there are some key non-verbal cues and subtle indicators that can give a very good idea of someone’s interest within a short time. The trick is to look for clusters of these signs, rather than just one sign in isolation.

Again, no method of knowing is foolproof, and 15 minutes is usually not a long time to assess whether someone likes you or not, but if you are instinctive, or observant, you can sense almost within the first five minutes how that date is going to turn out, and whether you might wish for a second meeting. However, for those who need clearer signals, there are six things which show that the other person definitely likes you.

First they smile a lot from the moment they see you. People who are not too happy will frown, scowl or look sombre. They won’t find much to be cheerful about. But when we like someone it gives us a warm, glowing feeling of happiness, and we simply want to giggle or smile for no reason. Everything looks good and sounds good, no matter how trivial it is. Smiles come not just through that specific moment, but through the thoughts of the potential of what is possible between the couple. If the person cannot stop smiling, despite perhaps feeling nervous, it is a fair bet that they like you more than they might care to admit.

Being Expressive

Second they are very expressive towards you, especially in their body language, to show that they are focused and engaged in the moment. They will subtly lean closer to you when you’re speaking, showing you they’re interested in what you’re saying and want to connect. In fact, they will try everything to be close to you, to ‘accidentally’ touch you on the merest pretext, and to engage eye contact. These are often their tests for physical comfort. They will offer to do things for you, no matter how simple, to have the opportunity of having some contact or connection. Seeking to move close and touch you is a clearest indication that they would like more of you.

Third they try to mirror your behaviour. Whatever you do that they can mimic, even without thinking, they will do it to completely align with you and make you feel more comfortable. For example, they will unconsciously adopt some of your posture, gestures, or even speech patterns. This is a strong sign of having rapport with you and an attraction for you. The main aim is to heighten your feeling of comfort and pleasure to help you to warm towards them. Mirroring activities is very important to achieve this, to make you feel that you are among friends, at least.

Fourth, when it comes to actual conversation, they will be genuinely curious about you, tending to ask questions that need more than a “yes” or “no” answer, and to actively listen to your responses. They are likely to remember little details too, perhaps recalling something you said earlier in the conversation (or even from your dating profile) and bringing it up again. They also tend to react positively to your stories or jokes, even if they’re not particularly hilarious! Any compliments they pay you are likely to be genuine and specific: Not just “You look nice,” but something more direct like “I love your sense of humour” or “That’s a really interesting opinion you have.” They will also volunteer personal stories, or vulnerable details about themselves, showing that they feel comfortable with you and want to build intimacy.

Fifth, they’re constantly staring into your eyes and your face. The eyes tell a lot within those first few minutes, because when we really like someone, we tend to drink in their presence with our eyes. We tend to stare at their face, way beyond their physical presence, to savour the possibilities. Or we might even feel bashful and self-conscious and cannot look at them properly, in case they guess how we feel. We don’t seem to have enough of them and are almost mesmerised by them. They will usually hold your gaze longer than is strictly necessary, especially when you’re speaking. It should feel warm and engaging, not creepy. If their eyes occasionally shift from your eyes down to your mouth, it’s a good indicator of a subconscious desire to kiss you. In fact, their whole face, especially the area around their eyes, lights up when you smile or say something that engages them.

Nervous Energy

Finally they seem happy and contented with you, and might even show some nervous excitement, like fiddling with a drink, a napkin, or jewellery - a positive sign of being engaged but not sure what to do. They’ll want to prolong the date or meeting as much as possible, by introducing more ideas and activities. If you were only supposed to have a drink, for example, that will likely turn into having a meal, then perhaps a walk afterwards. In essence, they will be keen to talk about doing something with you in the future (like “We should check out that new cafe sometime,” “You’d love this band,” etc.). This is a clear indicator of wanting a second date; any excuse to prolong the company and the experience.

Once I went on a date which was only supposed to be for a drink to see how we got on with each other. Within 10 minutes of meeting he was asking if I would also like to have lunch, leaning as close to me as possible, and smiling broadly in anticipation. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as keen as he was, so I did not mirror his actions by moving any closer to him. I stayed on my side of the table, and showed my appreciation of his offer with a warm but detached smile, and politely declined. By my actions I was showing that it wasn’t mutual. I made some excuse about having to be somewhere else shortly after the date, leaving sooner than I had planned. While he was obviously disappointed, at least we both knew where we stood.

The key takeaway from this post is to look for a combination of these cues because it is not really difficult to tell if someone likes us. Often when we miss the signs, it is because we’re too nervous and fearful ourselves to see them. Essentially, if they’re making strong eye contact, leaning in, asking questions about you, and generally mirroring your positive energy, those are excellent signs. Trust your gut feeling, too, and ask yourself these questions:

• Do they seem genuinely present, or are they distracted (like checking their phone and looking around blandly)?

• Are they contributing equally to the conversation, and making an effort to keep it flowing?

If the answers are positive, and it feels like they’re enjoying themselves and seem interested in you, they probably are!

If all else fails, and you’re still not sure, the best thing to do is to be honest and actually say something like, “I think I like you, but how do you feel?” while being prepared for that person to agree, as well as to disagree. Honesty is always the best policy.