The new Star Wars movie had just been released, and was playing on the television when my mother called from Durango, CO to tell me my father was in the hospital, and that she would keep me updated. I began packing a suitcase while the Italian man I was living with was in the shower. I was afraid of him but could not get away because he wouldn't let me work, have a car, or have my own money. So, I stuffed everything I could in a suitcase and shoved it under the bed, then lay down and pretended I was sleeping.
He went ghost!! Four months have passed, no calls, no text, no reply. This behavior is classless! Not like him at all.
I dreamt about you before we even met.
Unfortunately, the majority of us have been through a breakup. The good, bad, and the ugly. We have been on the giving and receiving side of it, and have gone through the stages of wallowing, accepting, and moving past it (which typically includes copious amounts of junk/comfort food, some solid hours spent solo Netflix-ing until you’re ready to invite some friends to join, and lots and lots of angsty music). Eventually, you’re over it—you move on, you meet someone new, you continue the cycle.
Time. That’s what still fucks me up about my ex. I didn’t know how little time we had. I, like a lot of people in love, foolishly thought we would be together forever. He said he wanted to marry me. We had all these grand ideas about what our future together would look like. Thoughts of where I went wrong and what I should’ve done instead used to flood my brain until it was all I could see. For months, I ached with remorse. His absence and the loneliness I felt stung, but the regret burned white-hot. It couldn’t be soothed or rubbed out. It blistered and bubbled up. I felt every inch of it.
When you're in a toxic relationship, you don't always see how toxic it is, especially when it comes to a narcissist. This is a list of things I should've realized long before I actually broke up with my narcissistic ex-boyfriend. Mind you, I had my rose-coloured glasses on for two years prior to realizing these things.
I should have seen it coming right from the second she said yes, but my emotions blinded me. One thing you must learn when it comes to love and relationships is never to beg someone to love you or date you. It is not something you beg for, it is something that is given to you, even when you don’t deserve it.
As I sit here, in our old coffee shop, a flood of emotions have emerged. I’m in the heart of our beautiful town, that I made into my home, but it now just feels like a place I’m visiting since he left.
What broken-hearted people need to hear, from someone who has experienced it all.
Hardest part of a tsunami-ed life isn't the wave when it hits you, though that part is pretty rough. Like I imagine with the natural phenomenon, the hardest part is the aftermath, the clean-up and the rebuilding. You spend days, maybe even weeks in a daze of "What just happened?" Perhaps you go through the motions of life; going to work, eating, sleeping, planning a funeral, looking for a new job, all the things that keep life normal.