Moral Injury and the Agony and Power of Love

This idea has been around for more than three decades, but side effects aren't fully understood. People are still debating what defines it and its side effects. Moral injury means that your worldview was shaken significantly in a moment of disaster. It can leave you feeling lost, confused, and more vulnerable in reactive emotions. It is not unusual for human beings to do this kind of thing. People often witness or are forced into life-changing situations that change their futures, which leads to crimes of passion, betrayal, and ignorance.

Though some consider moral injury a dimension of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it is not officially recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Despite some voices hearing moral injury as "just a universal human struggle that shouldn't be confined to mental health classifications," most mainstream experts agree that this condition has moved beyond an individual disorder and should be classified as a mental health condition instead.

Regardless of where one falls on the definition and categorization of moral injury, what is becoming increasingly clear is that it's relational in nature. PTSD is usually thought of as a stress response caused by certain physical threats, but moral injury can be created from mental & emotional things like the break of trust with self, society, or our worldview. Moral injury feels like it’s smothering you because of overwhelming experiences that were intense in the moment and make people think more about their lives, even if it’s problematic perhaps. Life-sustaining relationships can help to ease this crushing feeling and bring those back into reality with a smile on their face.

For example, a warfighter might have to make the choice of shooting at an explosive device in the field. If that’s discovered later on and they have to speak with their own children, it might be more difficult for them. An expert at this type of work might be so physically rattled by the experience that they can no longer form close relationships. They may think that the world is going to end, or things will never be the same. Not only do they feel hopeless, but they sometimes see people as outcasts too. There was a doctor at COvid-19 who had to make the tough decision of saving lives during the surge of patients when there wasn’t enough ventilators. Given that he had to play "God," deciding who lived and died, it is safe to assume he is not glad about it.

The Importance of Connection and Love

Connection is seen as necessary for communication and human well-being. Throughout time, people have made it a point to bond with others. Isolation is damaging to the well-being of victims. It negatively impacts mental, emotional, and spiritual health as minds become isolated from the support networks around them. Ethics are very important in the workplace, and it’s important that you maintain your moral values to protect your social identities and your own sense of self. Disavowing people who break moral rules by distancing themselves from them can make some feel safer, especially if they're experiencing abuse or fear. It allows us to distance ourselves and ignore the problem. This can be a double-edged sword because on one hand we get to avoid negative interactions, but in the long run it keeps us isolated. We use self-isolation as a way to protect those we love from harm.

Moral values are extremely important for all relationships, and there are certain aspects of our identity that make us who we are. As human beings, we need to acknowledge & be compassionate with others and have respect for their individual needs. The important things in life are the emotional bonds you form. Our worth isn't just something that exists in the world & whether or not it's violated; it's an aspect of what we are as human beings. Heals hearts require a process that reconnects us with our self-worth and the relationships that sustain us.

Conscience is the foundation of our reputation and our personal identity. It's also a source of agency in the world and it can help us make important decisions. When something guilt trips you, it compromises your sense of identity and causes emotional conflict. Its emotions are so powerful and destructive that facing them is akin to sitting in a consuming fire that threatens our very existence. Only when we can feel, acknowledge, and share our emotional pain with others by sitting in that fire, can we burn clean and rise from the ashes to find new meaning in life. The ancient Phoenix (a mythical bird) is a story of rebirth. An important lesson learned by those who triumph over their circumstances and come out stronger on the other side. With the moral injury, healing means integrating our devastating experiences for healing and guidance that enables us to maintain relationships with others, families and communities. The world's different now and new experiences can be empowering and a place of hope.

All of us experience difficult moral decisions in our lives. We err, break a rule or two, and get caught. It's that human part we need to remain accountable for and take the necessary steps in order to regain balance and move forward. Many with moral injury may not share their experiences with their families and friends out of fear that they may contaminate them with their own terrible memories. They may worry they will be judged and rejected, or that their anger will result in some negative situation. Either way, it's best for many to keep these buried feelings to themselves.

Relationships Essential Reads

Many people avoid talking about their moral injury for fear of being judged. This in turn can delay the healing process or even derail it entirely. Many people are afraid to tell their therapist about the moral injury they feel because they don't want them to diagnose, or evaluate it. Or they won't want to be seen as "crazy." Families may stop talking about the moral injury to their loved ones because they are afraid that it could make things worse.

Confronting difficult truths, helping those in pain, transforming ways of communicating and thinking, and strengthening moral integrity require the presence of trustworthy people that are empathetic even when words may be unclear. Moral injuries happen when someone fails to express remorse to another person explicitly and this can lead to a lot of anger, resentment, and misunderstanding. A trustworthy listener allows an individual to convey the experience in a safer environment and in turn enables them to heal. Peer specialist programs such as these are effective at being the first step toward healing. Fortunately, they're also readily available. A lot of military families also use parallel peer specialist programs to help them with their own suffering. These are there for other populations as well, like healthcare providers, social workers, clergy, law enforcement and abuse victims.

Moral injury can be integrated into a story in healthy ways, as it undergoes processing & can be talked about more frequently. When the process is complete, it's easier to share the stories & listen with compassion without re-traumatizing or traumatizing others. The mutual sharing of love in a relationship can create a partnership worth living into together. This process can provide strength and support for people who are struggling with challenges or have been hurt in some way. It can also help them be better equipped for life, which is something that will happen even if you're lucky enough to avoid moral injury.