A Note on Toxic Femininity

When it comes to the subject of gender, the subject of toxic masculinity and its detrimental effects on individuals in society is rightfully given a lot of attention. However, it is equally important to shed light on another aspect of gender dynamics, inequality, and equality: toxic femininity. Toxic femininity refers to the adherence to harmful gender norms and stereotypes that enable and continue the subjugation, oppression, discrimination, and inequality of women, often at the expense of their well-being and the well-being of others in society.

What is Toxic Femininity?

Toxic femininity is the adherence to and perpetuation of harmful gender norms, stereotypes, and behaviors that restrict the agency of women, reinforce patriarchal power dynamics towards women, and undermine both the individual well-being and gender equality efforts in society overall. Toxic femininity encompasses a wide range of behaviors, beliefs, attitudes, and practices that reinforce traditional, discriminatory, and unequal gender roles and expectations imposed on women, including:

1. Passive Aggressiveness

Rather than expressing themselves directly, people (especially women) exhibiting toxic femininity may resort to passive-aggressive behavior, such as gossiping, backstabbing, bullying, or manipulation, to exert control or assert dominance over others.

2. Hyper-Focus on Appearance and Looks

Society often places extreme emphasis on a woman's appearance, leading to toxic femininity manifesting in extreme preoccupation and shallowness with physical beauty, to the point of negatively impacting an individual's mental, emotional, and physical health.

3. Dependency

Toxic femininity can perpetuate the idea that women should be dependent on others (particularly men, for example) for validation, protection, and financial stability, thus reinforcing power imbalances in relationships and everyday life.

4. Competitive Comparison

Women may feel pressured to compete against each other based on societal standards of success, beauty, love, financial freedom, or desirability, thus leading to jealousy, insecurities, covet, and unhealthy rivalries and comparisons.

5. Silencing and Invalidation of Emotions and Feelings

Women, at times, can be socialized and influenced to suppress emotions and feelings, including anger, assertiveness, and ambition, due to invalidation, gaslighting, being ignored, bullying, and emotional and mental desensitization. As a result, this type of behavior silences, enables, and continues to spread the stereotype of women as passive, overly sensitive, dramatic, emotional beings rather than capable and empowered individuals in society.

Why is Toxic Feminity a Problem?

Toxic femininity not only limits the individual freedom and agency of women but also continues and enables harmful stereotypes that undermine gender equality and contribute to broader social issues regarding women. It can have many profound negative impacts on women's mental health, self-esteem, and relationships. Additionally, toxic femininity reinforces patriarchal structures that oppress women and restrict their opportunities for personal and professional growth in their lives.

Negative Impacts on Women and Communities

1. Mental Health

Toxic femininity can lead to anxiety, depression, trauma, and low self-esteem as women internalize unrealistic gender standards and expectations from society.

2. Interpersonal Relationships

Toxic femininity can take away trust and solidarity among women, thus practicing competition and mistrust rather than collaboration and support among women.

3. Professional Advancement

This type of impact includes gender expectations that are associated with toxic femininity, which can hinder women's career advancements and successes in their lives. As a result, women are discouraged from asserting themselves or pursuing leadership roles.

How to Spot Toxic Femininity

Recognizing and unlearning toxic femininity requires an understanding of the underlying gender norms and stereotypes that encourage and enable harmful behaviors and attitudes coming from toxic femininity. Signs of toxic femininity include (but are not limited to):

• Engaging in passive-aggressive behavior, such as gossiping, bullying, and undermining others.
• Prioritizing physical appearance, thus conforming to rigid and unrealistic beauty standards.
• Relying excessively on others for validation and support.
• Women comparing themselves to other women in toxic, unhealthy, competitive, or judgmental manners.
• Suppressing emotions or conforming to toxic traditional gender roles.

Examples of Toxic Femininity

1. Body Shaming

Body shaming includes criticizing or judging other women based on their physical appearance.

2. Gatekeeping

Gatekeeping includes excluding or marginalizing women who don't conform to traditional and toxic gender norms or expectations.

3. Internalized Misogyny (AKA Self-Misogyny)

Internalized Misogyny (or Self-Misogyny) includes women continuing, acknowledging, accepting, and conforming to sexist beliefs or stereotypes about their gender, such as dismissing the abilities of other women or policing their behavior, for example.

How to Combat Toxic Femininity

Addressing toxic femininity requires collective effort and a commitment to challenging harmful gender norms and stereotypes. Some strategies to combat toxic femininity include:

1. Education and Awareness

Promote education and awareness about gender issues, including the harmful effects of toxic femininity, whether through workshops, discussions, essays, class lessons and programs, or media campaigns.

2. Empowerment

Encourage women to assert themselves, pursue their goals, and support each other in breaking free from restrictive gender roles.

3. Challenge Gender Stereotypes

Challenge societal expectations and stereotypes that encourage, conform to, and enable toxic femininity, by authentically promoting diverse representations of women in media and advocating for gender-inclusive policies and practices.

4. Cultivate and Encourage Emotional Intelligence

Encourage emotional expression and intelligence, and provide support to help others develop healthy coping mechanisms and communication skills.

5. Promote Solidarity

Build communities and networks of support where women can uplift and empower each other, thus promoting solidarity instead of competition.

Types of Resources for Individuals Impacted by Toxic Femininity To Seek Out

1. Therapy or Counseling

Seeking professional support can help individuals navigate the emotional and psychological impacts of toxic femininity.

2. Mental Health Support Groups

Connect with others who have experienced the challenges as you can provide validation, support, solidarity, and guidance.

3. Feminist Literature and Media

Reading articles and books and watching TV shows and films that explore feminist and gender-equal perspectives will help individuals learn more about gender dynamics and equality, thus empowering them to challenge and combat toxic femininity in society.

4. Women's Organizations

Many organizations offer resources, advocacy, and support services for women experiencing gender-based discrimination, bullying, or violence.

Ways for People Who Have Practiced Toxic Femininity to Unlearn Toxic Femininity

For individuals who have practiced toxic femininity, unlearning toxic femininity and promoting gender equality in society involves a combination of personal reflection, education, advocacy, and collective action. Some ways to embark on this journey of unlearning include:

1. Self-Reflection

Take the time to examine and reflect on your beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, practices, and routines shaped by societal gender norms. Identify any internalized biases or harmful stereotypes you may hold about yourself or others.

2. Educate Yourself

Seek resources, including books, articles, documentaries, and podcasts that explore gender issues, feminism, and intersectionality. Engage with diverse perspectives and amplify the voices of marginalized individuals.

3. Challenge Gender Norms

Challenge traditional toxic gender roles and expectations and question them, including in your personal life and broader social contexts. Encourage open discussions about gender with friends, family, colleagues, peers, and authority figures to challenge stereotypes and promote understanding.

4. Support Gender-Inclusive Policies

Advocate for policies, legislation, and initiatives that promote gender equality in workplaces, schools, and communities, including advocating for equal pay, parental leave, and anti-discrimination laws.

5. Amplify Marginalized Voices

Make space for marginalized voices, particularly those of women of color, LGBTQ+ individuals, and people with disabilities, by listening to their experiences, sharing their stories, and amplifying their perspectives.

6. Challenge Sexism and Misogyny

Speak out against sexism, misogyny, bullying, and gender-based violence in all its forms. Interrupt harmful jokes or comments, call out discriminatory behavior, and support survivors of gender-based violence, discrimination, and bullying.

7. Promote Consent and Respect

Advocate for comprehensive sex education that includes discussions on consent, healthy relationships, and respect for boundaries. Foster a culture of consent and respect in all relationships and interpersonal interactions.

8. Support Women's Leadership

Encourage and support women's leadership in all areas of society, including politics, business, academia, fine arts, science, and activism. Recognize and celebrate the achievements of women in these diverse fields.

9. Challenge Media Representations

Critically evaluate media representations of women and challenge harmful stereotypes perpetuated in advertising, film, television, and social media. Support media that authentically provides diverse and authentic portrayals of women's experiences and supports and represents women and gender equality.

10. Engage in Allyship

Become an active ally to women and marginalized genders by listening, learning, and taking action to support their rights and amplify their voices. Use your privilege to advocate for equity and justice for all.

By actively unlearning toxic femininity and promoting gender equality in society, individuals can work towards building a more inclusive, equitable, equal, and just world for people of all genders.

Conclusion

Addressing and creating more awareness about toxic femininity is necessary to promote gender equality and foster healthier and more inclusive communities. By challenging harmful gender norms and stereotypes, supporting women's empowerment, standing in solidarity, and unlearning toxic feminity, everyone in society can create a better world where all genders in society can thrive and grow free from the constraints of toxic femininity and toxic masculinity.