Nat

Joined June 2022

0 stories

Bio

She/her/hers

writing about adoption, mental health, and relationships.

Stories (23/0)

4 Lessons from my mother
Watching my mother do it all by herself by choice has taught me so many life lessons. My mother was a single mother by choice. She decided to adopt me all on her own and it was extremely hard. I wasn't an easy child. I have learned a lot from her. My mother has always taught me valuable life lessons. I always appreciated the wisdom she has brought me over the years. I look up to my mother for many reasons. Here are a few of the lessons that she has taught me over the past 24 years of my life.
By Nat 10 months ago in Families
How Going no Contact Changed my Life
He was the kind of man you did not want to cross. He did not see stumbling as a natural process. Someone had to be to blame when his child slipped up and fell. Being his niece was hard. I learned a lot from him. Most of it, I wish I didn't. He wasn’t an easy person to deal with. He was mean and a drunk but if you get past that something was there. Something I guess he thought didn’t show but I could see he was afraid. Of what, I am not sure.
By Nat 10 months ago in Families
Leaving was the Easiest Thing I Have Ever Done
Sometimes it's easier to run. Leaving was the easiest thing I have ever done. I clawed my way out. staying there was going to be my downfall. I would have died trying to save the people and the place that saved me. At the time I thought that leaving would be the best thing that happened to me. Sure it was easy but it didn't hurt any less. It hurt a lot. It still hurts sometimes. I have a lot of regret about the way I left. I was thinking about what was best for me not about the people that I left behind.
By Nat 11 months ago in Psyche
I Know Nothing About My Genetics
I was adopted into a single-mother household at 19 weeks old When I was younger I rarely thought about it. As I got older and thought more about my genealogy, I just got sad. I know nothing about my genes. If I have certain genetic diseases I will never know endless I get genetics tested. That is the scary part the-not knowing. Even if I did know that there was a possibility of a genetic disorder I do not think I would want to know.
By Nat 11 months ago in Families
The Art of Pretending You are Fine.
If you look at me you will probably think that I am okay. I look pretty put together. In reality, I am far from okay. Sure I get up and go to work every day but I do not want to be there. I have a good life. I have a good family and I love my friends. I like my job and enjoy it but I would rather be somewhere else. Where that somewhere else is I do not know. I was always good at running away.
By Nat 11 months ago in Psyche
Running Away is the Easy Part
I've always been a runner. When something goes bad I run. It is what I am good at. Someone breaks my heart and I'm gone. I get bored I'm gone. Leaving is easy for me. Perhaps it's because I was left so many times I got used to it. I don't even have to think about it anymore. I pack my bags and I'm gone. For someone who is really good at leaving I am awful at goodbyes. I just keep thinking that there is no place for me here. I am used to being a certain kind of alone. I can never go back to who I was back then. I will not be that scared little girl again. I remember packing my bags while my boyfriend at the time was begging me to stay. Even after me telling him to come with me he wouldn't. His family meant more to him than it did to me. I guess I paid the price now. I do not really have any family anymore. I chose to leave no one was forcing me. I very well could have stayed and enjoyed my new slightly boring life of working and going home, but that was starting to get very boring. I don't regret what I did then but it hurts to remember that time in my life. Maybe I should have wanted less. I was always hungry for something more, something better. I was fearless at 18 but maybe I was just faking it. I was so young and I behaved like an 30 year old. Now I feel stuck at the age of eighteen. Stuck standing still.
By Nat 12 months ago in Humans
Survivors Guilt
Survivors' guilt is defined as a certain kind of guilt that develops in people who have survived a life-threatening situation. Some say that they feel guilty that they survived when others have died while others say that they feel like they could have done more to save the lives of others, And some may think that they shouldn't have saved themselves. Many people with Post-traumatic Stress disorder have some kind of guilt. I guess I am one of the unlucky ones that both think that I should have died and that I also could have done more to save the other person involved. I have so much guilt in my heart I do not know where to put it. I logically know that I did not cause the event. It was not in my control. I mourn what I lost that day. I mourn for the person who died and I mourn for a piece of me that also died that day. Just because I was lucky that day doesn't mean that it was my fault but it feels like it is. I have witnessed so many awful things that it doesn't feel real.
By Nat 12 months ago in Psyche
Having Lunch with my Ex Boyfriend taught me more than our whole relationship
We broke up years ago, it was really for the best. At the end of our relationship, we were spending the majority of our time-fighting. We always had problems. He cheated on me with an 18-year-old when he was 27 didn't help. I was angry for a long time. So when he asked me to lunch I was hesitant at first. My best friends were telling me that it was an awful idea. I decided that it would be a good idea to hear him out. He surprisingly let me pick the time and place. While getting ready I kept thinking if this was a good idea or not.
By Nat 12 months ago in Confessions
The Girl who Drove away
Going home is supposed to be a good thing but it's hard sitting in my mentor's living room sobbing about all of the things and people I’ve lost. I left my hometown right after I graduated and four months after my boyfriends of the times death. I never thought that I would be back in the city that broke my heart. I don’t know why I came back, my life in North Carolina was boring and quiet and I loved it but every time I thought of New York City my heart hurt. I guess my heart still hurts. Leaving home was something that I never thought was going to happen. I had a job waiting for me when I graduated but when he died my whole world stopped. It took me a while for me to act like a normal human after witnessing his death.
By Nat 12 months ago in Fiction
Growing Up With a Single Mom
I never had my parents fighting in the next room like all of my other friends. When I was a child I hated it. I thought that it was so strange that it was just me and my mom. I was confused, I did not understand why I did not have a father when all of my other friends did. Even my friends that had 2 dads understood. As a child, I never understood why my mom chose me. It took years of trying to understand what was going through her mind when she got that phone call from my biological parents that they had a 19-week-old baby for her, And she said of course. So a few weeks later I had a new family and I was thousands of miles away from what I was used too.
By Nat 12 months ago in Families
Connecting with Biological Relatives
I was adopted at 19 weeks old. For 24 years I was wondering about what could have possibly happened in those 19 weeks that made me so unwanted. My Bio parents were married when I was born so what could have happened. I grew up in a very happy family but I always wondered what happened. By the time I was 13 I made up my fairytale of what could have happened and that was okay. When I turned 19 I wanted to look up my biological parents.
By Nat 12 months ago in Families