All I Ever Wanted Was You
All I ever wanted was you.
I was 14 when we met. Still a kid, just learning who I was and what I wanted out of life. You, 15, going through your own things. Dealing with family, friends, also figuring out who you are. You made me laugh, every single day in science class. You had so much energy, you were so kind and funny. But I was into the whole “bad boy,” “must fix him” thing and even though I knew I loved you, I tried not too. I knew you loved me. I mean, you told me. Trust me, I didn’t want to break your heart. You meant more to me than anyone else that we knew. But I tried not to show it. I wanted you to want me, I wanted to seem cool and like I was “out of reach.” Fast forward and that bit me in the ass. I hurt you and you moved on. You fell for someone else. Someone who wasn’t good for you at all. She hurt you, she made you someone you weren’t, she broke you. Despite this we stayed best friends. Secretly in love. Others saw it, we both denied it. We lied to everyone and ourselves. You were the one person I never wanted to leave my life and I did my best to ensure you wouldn’t. I became friends with your girlfriend and tried so hard to make sure you wanted to be my friend. You will never know how hard I tried to keep you around me. Everyday you were the first person I looked for at school and the last person I wanted to leave each day. But I knew there was a distance between us because I had hurt you. Plus the girlfriend. I wanted you to be happy and if that meant you had to be with her well so be it. But I wanted to make sure I was there too. You could have her but you had to still deal with me. Even if I was second place in your life. It was better than not being in any place at all. I loved you. I searched for you. I dated other friends thinking that, maybe, just maybe they could fill the void I was looking for in you. None of them worked out. They weren’t you, they couldn’t even start to replace what I was missing from not having you.
