It Takes a Village

As a mom there is a lot that you need to worry about. What your kids are eating, how they are learning, if they are growing fast enough etc. etc. Being a mom today, in the electronic age we are in, might be the hardest of all times to be a mom. Okay, it can be argued that it was harder before modern healthcare, but with all the judgement going on around us constantly, I think I have a pretty good argument.

Not only do we have all the general things to worry about, you know, keeping our kids alive; but we also have to worry about the constant ridicule from others around us. If our kids are having a tantrum in the middle of a grocery store, we can't just leave and have those who saw it judge. Why? Because all of those people have phones. They can easily take pictures and videos, and if they don't do that, they can easily text or call someone right then and there to let them know what a shitty job we are doing as a parent. We can't have off days, because EVERYONE is watching. We can't have fights because people are watching. You can't post online to celebrate your child's developments or successes, because there is always someone who is judging the picture, and seeing your messy house in the background.

I know what you're thinking. Well the easy solution to at least the latter problem is to not post pictures of your children online. Many people choose this route. Many people do not. You cannot judge someone's parenting based on if they choose, or do not choose, to post online about their children. You also cannot judge someone's parenting based on what you see, or do not see, in those pictures.

There is an old saying "you don't know what goes on behind closed doors." This saying needs to be said, and said again. You do not know what you do not know. Yet everyone believes that they can judge one another, and they assume that they are a better parent based on what they see online (or the lack of what they see).

It is unfortunate because we all need help. Moms need other moms. We are the only ones that can know in any way how other moms feel. We need a community, people to lean on, and to help us through the diaper blow outs, sleepless nights, and the insane questioning of whether we are good enough. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and it is true. Yet because of all this judgement, and feeling like no matter what we do someone will judge or someone will call Child Protective Services, or someone will think we are bad moms, we don't reach out for help, and are raising our children alone instead of relying on the village.

Being a mom is hard, we don't need to make it harder for each other.

Women have come so far in many ways; however I think a lot of you will agree that we haven’t come far enough in the judgments of mothers and mothering. If you’re a working mom, you don’t love your kids, if you’re a stay at home mom, you’re lazy. If you breastfeed you need to cover up, if you bottle feed, you’re not feeding your kids the best. No matter what moms do, someone has something to say. It’s disappointing, because all we are trying to do is raise decent humans. I think a lot of people forget that others are allowed to have different parenting styles than you do. It doesn’t make them bad parents, just different. That’s a good thing. If we all were raised the same way, we would all have the same issues lol. That’s something we don’t want...

Things that are right for one child and one family may not be right for another, and we cannot be on the outside looking in and make judgements on things we don’t know.

Instead, as moms, let’s support each other. Offer help with judgement. Offer love and support. We all need it. We all need to feel like we can lean on each other. Let’s stop thinking we know it all, and instead focus on our own kids, and be happy for the accomplishments others make.