All I Ever Wanted Was You

All I ever wanted was you.

I was 14 when we met. Still a kid, just learning who I was and what I wanted out of life. You, 15, going through your own things. Dealing with family, friends, also figuring out who you are. You made me laugh, every single day in science class. You had so much energy, you were so kind and funny. But I was into the whole “bad boy,” “must fix him” thing and even though I knew I loved you, I tried not too. I knew you loved me. I mean, you told me. Trust me, I didn’t want to break your heart. You meant more to me than anyone else that we knew. But I tried not to show it. I wanted you to want me, I wanted to seem cool and like I was “out of reach.” Fast forward and that bit me in the ass. I hurt you and you moved on. You fell for someone else. Someone who wasn’t good for you at all. She hurt you, she made you someone you weren’t, she broke you. Despite this we stayed best friends. Secretly in love. Others saw it, we both denied it. We lied to everyone and ourselves. You were the one person I never wanted to leave my life and I did my best to ensure you wouldn’t. I became friends with your girlfriend and tried so hard to make sure you wanted to be my friend. You will never know how hard I tried to keep you around me. Everyday you were the first person I looked for at school and the last person I wanted to leave each day. But I knew there was a distance between us because I had hurt you. Plus the girlfriend. I wanted you to be happy and if that meant you had to be with her well so be it. But I wanted to make sure I was there too. You could have her but you had to still deal with me. Even if I was second place in your life. It was better than not being in any place at all. I loved you. I searched for you. I dated other friends thinking that, maybe, just maybe they could fill the void I was looking for in you. None of them worked out. They weren’t you, they couldn’t even start to replace what I was missing from not having you.

When you left for good with her you broke my heart. Worse than anyone else has ever broken my heart. I was shattered, in pieces for years without you. But you said you were happy and that you loved her. You showed it all the time at school before you walked away. You really seemed like you loved her and I realized I would never take that place. You wanted her and I had to deal with that. You, my love, were the one who got away. Not only as a lover but my best friend. My soul mate in more ways than one was gone.

I cried, I tried to understand and move past it. But I never did. I watched from a far. Asked around about you, creeped your social media to make sure you were okay. I could tell you weren’t. No one really believed me. Mutual friends said you were happy. But we both know I always knew you better than them. I could see it in your eyes, even in pictures you weren’t happy. Again it wasn’t my place. Years went by, I never stopped thinking about you. But our lives went on and I never thought we would talk again. I thought I would have to come to terms with how things turned out. And I started too, I really did. I stopped looking everywhere for you when I was in town. I stopped looking at your social medias all the time. I stopped thinking about you every day and even every week.

Funny enough though I still tried dating someone I had gone to school with, in hopes he could be that best friend too. We both know how that turned out…

Then, boxing day 2016. I was sitting on my couch at home, watching Netflix when my phone went off.

It was you.

Your life had taken a turn and that girl was gone. I was the first one you thought of knowing you had to get back in touch. I was thrilled. I was terrified. You broke my heart once before, but I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t even be mad. I just fell right back into my old ways of wanting you so bad. To like me, accept me, to love me. Quickly we became best friends again, like those three years never happened. Like we were 17 again. I wanted to be with you every day. We talked every waking moment.

Here we are, three years after that, two and a half years of dating and you are the one I hope to spend my life with. We have a son and you are a wonderful father. Everyday I think I am so lucky because for years you were what I wanted. I got you. I am terrified to lose you. Maybe our past makes us stronger. All I know is that you are all I ever wanted. The one to hold me when I’m sad. The one to make me laugh everyday. The one I fight with and make love too. I hope that this never ends. I don’t know how I could handle losing you twice in one life time and I pray every day that I will never have to find out.

I get to live every girl's dream of falling in love with their best friend. Our love is like a romanic comedy and I am so happy each day to look at you and know that you are my forever.