Maelyn  Jeffers

Maelyn Jeffers

Throughout my life, I have been through a lot of pain, and I want to share my stories because as bad as it was I survived. I AM A SURVIVOR!!!!

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  • Maelyn Jeffers
    Published 6 days ago
    Surprise Surprise Baby #3

    Surprise Surprise Baby #3

    I remember 2 years ago I was writing about my experience after having my second child Ayva. I talked about how things were so different for me because I was more mature, financially stable, married, and overall, in a good space despite the ups and downs that life already was giving me. At that point I knew that I was not going to have anymore kids until my daughter was at least 5 years old. Once my 6wks of postpartum was up I went to the doctor to get on birth control. The birth control I chose was the Skyla IUD which would be good for 3 years. I knew that at that point I would have excelled more in life and my balance on being a mom would have been pretty much perfect. However, in January of 2020 my life changed because I found out I was pregnant again. January 2020 was already starting off bad, at this point me and my family has lost just about everything and it seemed like nothing was going to give. Everything that I wanted to be better at seemed to get worse. I was financially screwed, I was not happy with my job, marital problems were an issue and over all depression. My kids could not tell how hurt I was on the inside because I could not give them anything but the minimum to survive. As time went on, I knew that something was off. My body just was not feeling right, I did not want to eat, I was exhausted, and just overall down. These symptoms seemed very familiar to me because they were the same symptoms that I had when I was pregnant with my daughter, but the fact that I was on birth control helped me easily excuse those symptoms for being everything but pregnancy symptoms. I remember telling my sister “girl if I weren’t on birth control you would swear, I was pregnant” because I am showing all the signs. After awhile my mind was telling me look, I know it is crazy but let us just rule pregnancy out so that you know for sure that this is depression you are going through right now. One random workday in January I was on my lunch break and needed to go to Publix to pick up some money that my husband sent to me at this point this was all the money that I was going to have until payday so there wasn’t any room to waste it. Once I took care of this deed, I called my sister as I was walking around the store and we started talking again about me possibly being pregnant. I went into the aisle of all aisles with the pregnancy tests and could not believe that I was even considering that I was pregnant again. I looked at the prices and shook my head because Publix in my opinion is expensive. I told my sister I could not afford to spend money on a legit pregnancy test especially if there was a big chance that I was not pregnant. At that time losing money for nothing was not an option, because I still had sometime left on my lunch I drove to Dollar Tree, in my mind I felt like ok this is more reasonable and I would only be wasting $2 vs. 10+. Once again, I approached the aisle of all aisles and picked up two $1 tests. When I got to the counter the cashier said would you like your receipt, I immediately said NO and she laughed. After this I went back to work and finished my day anxious to get home and finally put my mind at ease. As most women know waiting for the results of a pregnancy test are so nerve wrecking no matter the results. When I finally had some time, I went to the bathroom with my daughter following right behind me and took the test. Honestly, I just knew I was not pregnant, so I sat the test down, looked away and finished up using the bathroom. Finally, I looked up and my heart dropped, the test was 100% clear as day positive. I screamed “OH HELL NO” and immediately got my sister on the phone, we were both in shock. Of course, I called my mom next, I said “Ma what does it mean when the test is saying positive but I’m on birth control” she laughed and said Yanna that is positive you’re pregnant. After staying on the phone with her for a little bit I called back my sister, we were both still stunned because she was coming up on the last couple weeks of pregnancy herself. The next person I knew I had to tell was my husband. At the time he was a truck driver, so he was not going to be home for another week or two. I was so anxious, but I wanted to wait to tell him face to face so I took a deep breath and kept the news between me, my mom, and sister. After the overwhelming rush of shock passed, I started to become very nervous, scared, and anxious. Life was already seeming like a downward spiral and now I was pregnant with an IUD and no medical insurance. What the hell am I going to do was all I thought about until I closed my eyes that night. I remember holding my stomach thinking wow, just wow. When I got to work the next morning, I immediately told my boss I need to go to the emergency room because I tested positive for pregnancy and I was on an IUD for birth control. Nonchalantly she said we did not have anyone to cover my shift and if I could wait 2 days until they knew they would have availability. This is when I knew that if it is not happening to them some people can show lack of interest for what is going on in your life especially with work. I was so upset because I was terrified, looking up stuff on google constantly was freaking me out because I knew I was not supposed to be pregnant. There were so many risks and my job want me to wait till it is convenient for them for me to take off and see a doctor. It was hard trying to explain to someone that I was pregnant but on birth control because no one took me as serious. When my job finally gave me time off I went to the health department first and the lady I spoke with didn’t even know what to say because I was telling her I was on birth control but testing positive for pregnancy. I did not have a lot of options because I did not have money or medical insurance so despite the bill medical bill, I knew I had to go to the ER. That night when both my kids were sleeping, I told my mom in law I was not feeling well and needed to go to the ER, and she agreed to watch the kids. It was about 9:30 at night already, emergency rooms take forever and although I had to be up at 6am the next morning I needed to get this figured out. Fast forwarding throughout my night I surprisingly did not have to wait to long to be seen, I took another urine test and blood test. Once again, I spoke with the doctors and I got “this girl is wasting our time” vibes because no one seemed to be taking me seriously. After an hour or so the ultrasound technician came in and the next thing I hear is “there’s your baby”. It was so surreal I remember saying “omg I can’t believe it; I knew I was crazy”. I was a good 7wks into my pregnancy and did not even know it. Leaving the ER felt so different because I knew for a fact, I was pregnant it was official. There was still a lot of confusion and stress involved because I had no way of getting in contact with a doctor the ER doctor gave me someone to follow up with but because I didn’t have insurance I wasn’t able to pay for the appointment. This part of my pregnancy was so scary, I was that 1% who was pregnant with an IUD still in place. There were so many risks for my health and the baby’s. Everything that did not matter before mattered so much more to me. I was scared to walk, scared to jump, scared to play with my daughter because I did not want to make stuff worse. I finally got help 2 weeks later after coming across a clinic that could help me at no cost until my application for Medicaid was approved. When I saw the doctor, she immediately took my IUD out but warned me that there could be complications of a miscarriage. Apparently, my IUD was close to falling out on its own, so I guess that was easier access to being fertile and becoming pregnant. At this point I am like ok I am having this baby I know it is not the best time, but it is what it is. Hearing the word miscarriage made me so scared, I did not want to lose my baby. Unfortunately, my husband was not able to make it home when he was supposed to, so I ended up telling him I was pregnant over the phone and boy was he shocked. After a long back and forth talk we of course decided that no matter what we were going to see this pregnancy through despite how unfortunate our finances were. I had my ultrasound appointment to confirm I was still in fact pregnant and once I saw the baby I walked out with ultrasound picture in my hand like damn here we go again, but I was happy. Despite the risk of having an IUD in the earlier stage of my pregnancy I had an amazingly healthy pregnancy once it was removed. My daughter’s due date was Sep.1st and I had her Sep.6th, she was 8lbs and 4oz of perfection. The thing that gets to me is how crazy life is and it really makes you wonder why things happen. All my kids give me purpose and I believe that therefore I had my daughter she was giving me another purpose to live and be the best mom I can be. My experience with getting pregnant while on birth control is different from others but the fact is that it is possible. It is one of the most intense fears when your body reacts differently than even doctors have predicted. My journey of motherhood just got a little harder but being able to fall in love again with a life I made was so worth it.
  • Maelyn Jeffers
    Published 6 months ago
    Running Out Of Space

    Running Out Of Space

    My mind is running out of space
  • Maelyn Jeffers
    Published about a year ago
    Healing

    Healing

    Lately, I have been having a lot of things weighing heavy on my mind. Weighing in on the scale at one million pounds is my childhood trauma. When this weight takes over, I begin to think about how life never really gave me the chance to dwell on my pain because it does what it’s good at doing, “it moved on.” I started to think about how my sisters went through a lot of traumatizing things as well, and they never got the chance to dwell on the pain, we never got to heal. After other thoughts, I began to think about how people go through so many things in their lives. Whether it’s from your childhood or adulthood, and they never get the chance to heal from it. The process of healing takes time, whether you are improving alone or with a support system. Regardless healing must happen; one of the reasons I feel like it is hard to heal is because of life. Many different versions of life happen for people; some people’s trauma is distracted by moving away, new job, new additions to the family, new friends, or even new relationships. When all these things happen, the trauma is pushed back, and the wound is still open. In my situation, after my trauma was acknowledged a big move occurred for my family and me, then at the age of 16 only two years after my ordeal ended, I was pregnant with my son. All the horrific things I had gone through were pushed back, and although it was still affecting me every day, I was so busy I was never able to bring it up again. Another reason I feel like people push back their trauma is that other people aren’t supportive of their healing. Both family and friends have a role in the healing process. Being supportive starts with communication, reaching out to someone and asking them how they’ve been doing after various situations is a start. There are adults now that have been through things as children, and they never healed from it because family members or friends weren’t supportive of their healing. Their mother, father, grandma, or uncle, etc. never talked to them about things they’ve been through, so they felt like it didn’t matter. The process is even worse when you’re an adult because you’ve been carrying the pain forever and other’s might not take what you’ve been through as traumatizing as it was then because it happened so long ago. As an adult, I can honestly say if I would’ve got the acknowledgment of what I went through in my past from a healthy support system I would be more healed at this point in my life. It is not okay to hold in the things you’ve been through because you feel like it is a waste of time talking about it or it happened so long ago that it doesn’t matter. It does matter, any pain that you’ve experienced matters when you haven’t healed from it. Whether it’s trauma from abuse, neglect, losing a job, finances, being robbed, it matters. A lot of people push their mental health to the side based on how people react to what they’ve been through.
  • Maelyn Jeffers
    Published about a year ago
    Unless You've Been in My Shoes

    Unless You've Been in My Shoes

    There are many situations when someone has been through something, and as they are telling their story someone goes, 'well, I would’ve done this, or it couldn’t have been me, etc...' Although it doesn’t seem offense as it’s coming out the person’s mouth, it very much is, depending on the situation, especially when it’s something traumatic. Since the age of six to 14, I went through years of sexual, physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. A lot of the things I have been through are horrific and I wouldn’t wish these things on my worst enemy.
  • Maelyn Jeffers
    Published about a year ago
    The Torture Box

    The Torture Box

    When someone is determined to cause pain, they will use almost anything to succeed. During my childhood, I was on the other side of these painful selections. These selections still affect me to this day and add on to the PTSD that I already have based on my childhood abuse. When I was younger, my stepfather was into most of the things dads are into, which included his love for tools. My stepfather enjoyed buying tools and getting tools for Father’s Day; he was always putting stuff together.
  • Maelyn Jeffers
    Published about a year ago
    Bad Hair Day

    Bad Hair Day

    One of the things I stand against entirely is parent’s disciplining their children by giving them embarrassing haircuts. I feel this way based on experience, and the day I had to go to school with one of the worst haircuts ever. Even as I write about this experience, the feelings of embarrassment come back to me, and it hurts. I was in the eighth grade; I remember the day before the haircut like it was yesterday.