Maelyn Jeffers
Bio
Throughout my life, I have been through a lot of pain, and I want to share my stories because as bad as it was I survived. I AM A SURVIVOR!!!!
Stories (24/0)
My Top 6 Worship Songs
Six Worship songs that have helped me during a hard season Jireh by Elevation Worship & Maverick City – This was the first worship song that I ever downloaded on my phone. I was sitting down watching Steven Furtick, a pastor at Elevation Church and the choir was performing this song called Jireh for the first time. I sat on the couch with my coffee in my hand, heart heavy, and immediately was taken aback by two of the performers Chandler and Naomi. I began to feel a presence over me as I heard “I’m already loved, I’m already chosen” At this point, I was going through a really hard time, so to feel loved by a presence higher than me was overwhelming, but something shifted in me. I decided that I was going to make worship music the special time that I connect with God the most because that was where my new bond was made. Another part of the song that stuck with me was “I will be content in every circumstance”. Once you put your trust and faith in God no circumstance can tear down the shield that is already built for you. Hold on tighter if you must but don’t give up is something that always stuck with me since then.
By Maelyn Jeffers10 months ago in Motivation
Her Fairytale
What version of a fairytale are you willing to keep feeling love? Who are you willing to sacrifice to keep it alive? I will tell you about a woman who risked everything for a prince far from a fairytale love. Once upon a time, there was a woman named Ella who had 3 beautiful daughters, she loved her daughters so much and held them close especially after their father had died in a terrible car accident. She leaned on her family to help her raise the girls and always did the best she could even through her grief she still, however, longed to love again. One day she met a man named Scott who swept her off her feet. It felt like the universe had put them together and her life was now complete. How could I be so lucky? She thought to herself often, everything seemed right. Ella finally had a man that could be a father figure to her daughters, she never wanted to let this go. Ella’s family lived in bliss for years despite issues with her now husband’s past, he had 8 other children by other women and currently wasn’t present in their lives. Ella felt like she was a queen bee to those women because she was the only one, he’d married so she believed the stories he’d told her that the woman was just jealous and out for his money. He’d tell her that all the women had him on child support so he could only do under-the-table jobs, which led him to stay home more with the girls and Ella working more outside the home. This seemed odd to Ella for a moment, she always believed the man was supposed to carry the household does not stay home, especially with her girls but she didn’t want to put up a fight, so she carried multiple jobs throughout the years leaving her barely home. Ella’s family was still thriving or so she thought but deep down something so dark and hellish was going on behind the doors she left every day. One night Ella was returning from her night shift, she had to walk home some nights because the car was having issues, she didn’t enjoy it, but she knew it was what she had to do. As she walked into the house everything was quiet, she could hear the faint sound of the tv on in the living room and turned the corner but didn’t see her husband. Casually walking into her bedroom, she noticed he wasn’t in there either, she frowned thinking well where could he be? She made her way down the hall and noticed that her eldest’s daughter’s door was open but not her younger two. The door was closed shut and suddenly an empty, eerie feeling hit Ella’s stomach. Why would he be in their room at this time of night? Out of all the rooms the girl’s one. The feeling was so overwhelming as she grabbed the doorknob. It was locked, OH NO she thought, please please this can’t be happening she thought. She knocked on the door and she could hear shuffling and then rather than the door opening Scott talked through the door and said yes? Ella said, “What are you doing? Scott replied just talking to the girls. At this time of night, it’s 3 am, Ella said calmly. Yes Ella, they couldn’t sleep Scott replied. Oh ok, well I’ll be in bed, Ella said. As Ella turned around her stomach turned, and her eyes began to fill with tears. Flashbacks of her time with Scott ran through her mind, all the time he’d spent with the girls alone all these years. The hallway was longer than before as she got into bed and laid down. This can’t be true; this can’t be happening to me. Not my husband, she decided that night, a decision that would determine everything. She chose to turn a blind eye to what she knew in her gut that she had witnessed. I don’t want to be alone; I don’t want to lose him; I want my fairytale to work. After that night everything was so much clearer, she noticed the way Scott looked at the girls and she noticed the way the girls treated Scott. The girls waited for him hand and foot and she caught moments when they were rubbing his back and feet, but Ella never said a word. There were several nights when Scott wouldn’t make it to bed before she fell asleep because he was spending time with the girls. If he’s happy then I won’t lose him, she selfishly thought. Years passed and at one point she felt like she had completely lost Scott, he stopped showing her attention and barely touched her. The gut feeling that she tried her best to ignore would come back because deep down she knew but she ignored it thinking, I don’t want to lose him, if he’s happy he’ll stay she thought. Fast forwarding into the future all her worst fears were revealed. After Ella’s daughter spoke with a family member Scott was arrested for molesting the 3 girls along with abuse and other horrific incidents. All the time Ella turned a blind eye to her daughter’s suffering. I just wanted my fairytale life, I just wanted my prince, she told her daughters. I turned a blind eye because I didn’t want to lose him was the last thing she spoke to her daughters not knowing that that would one of the last things she would say for a very long time.
By Maelyn Jeffers11 months ago in Psyche
The Tree Shook That Night
Tonight, of all nights I decided to leave the barn, I wanted to see more, to smell, more experience something out of my comfort zone. The barn was where I felt calm, the smell of the hay, the calmness when all the other animals were calm. The constant reminder of how amazing life is when a new life is born. I wanted to go to sleep as the sun came up knowing I experienced something else. As I began to fly out of the barn the air was still, the sky was dark. In the distance I spotted a tree full of leaves surrounded by trees with no leave at all. That spot would be my spot tonight. This night felt different, it was like this tree was meant for me to spend dusk till dawn on. The wind blew through my wings with ease. It was a feeling I enjoyed way much more than I had ever before. Who knew this was tree was going to be so peaceful? My eyes began to fall until I felt the branches begin to shake and voices follow right after. The first voice was a little girl and the second was a man. The night was getting old, so I was surprised a child and man were still up. As an owl this time of night was normal for me, but not for these two. The girl was crying as she struggled to get up from the bushes beneath the tree I was resting on. The man was telling the girl to hurry up and get back over the fence. My eyes were glued, I felt hopeless as I watched the man picked the girl up and threw her over fence like trash. I felt hopeless knowing that I was only a part of nature at this point rather than a stranger that could help this child in despair. I watched again the child climbed back over the fence in tears. She then stood still as the man approached her with a formed fist, she fell to the ground in pain. My wings flickered imagining how that must have felt. I instantly wanted to make a distraction, but it was not noticed. The girl continued to be beaten, she was hopeless. She was in pain and being treated with no mercy from the man. Just as fast as the girl could get up, she was picked up and thrown against my tree so hard that my once full of life tree began to shed tears in the form of leaves. Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo I began again, and she looked up and stared. Startled she looked briefly and caught a glance, I am so sorry, I am so sorry I tried to form the words all that came out to her was hoo hoo hoo hoo. Once again, the man instructed her to get up and she did. Once the girl got back over, the fence the man pointed to a spot a little bit out of my view. What is he doing now? I wondered. Frightened the girl walked to the spot and stood there. Now it was her chance, Now is your chance I screamed Run! All that came out was hoo hoo hoo. I watched the little girl stand in that same spot until I noticed the sun waking up. I could not believe what I witnessed, I felt sorrow for the girl. As the sun came up, I prepared to take off, I took off with such force that I shook all the leaves remaining on the tree off. The girl looked over one more time and stared. I could feel her longing to be me, longing to be an owl with wings. Wings that would help her fly away from the pain and misery she was living through day to day. I made it back to the barn that night and I had never felt so hopeless in my life.
By Maelyn Jeffers3 years ago in Psyche
Surprise Surprise Baby #3
I remember 2 years ago I was writing about my experience after having my second child Ayva. I talked about how things were so different for me because I was more mature, financially stable, married, and overall, in a good space despite the ups and downs that life already was giving me. At that point I knew that I was not going to have anymore kids until my daughter was at least 5 years old. Once my 6wks of postpartum was up I went to the doctor to get on birth control. The birth control I chose was the Skyla IUD which would be good for 3 years. I knew that at that point I would have excelled more in life and my balance on being a mom would have been pretty much perfect. However, in January of 2020 my life changed because I found out I was pregnant again. January 2020 was already starting off bad, at this point me and my family has lost just about everything and it seemed like nothing was going to give. Everything that I wanted to be better at seemed to get worse. I was financially screwed, I was not happy with my job, marital problems were an issue and over all depression. My kids could not tell how hurt I was on the inside because I could not give them anything but the minimum to survive. As time went on, I knew that something was off. My body just was not feeling right, I did not want to eat, I was exhausted, and just overall down. These symptoms seemed very familiar to me because they were the same symptoms that I had when I was pregnant with my daughter, but the fact that I was on birth control helped me easily excuse those symptoms for being everything but pregnancy symptoms. I remember telling my sister “girl if I weren’t on birth control you would swear, I was pregnant” because I am showing all the signs. After awhile my mind was telling me look, I know it is crazy but let us just rule pregnancy out so that you know for sure that this is depression you are going through right now. One random workday in January I was on my lunch break and needed to go to Publix to pick up some money that my husband sent to me at this point this was all the money that I was going to have until payday so there wasn’t any room to waste it. Once I took care of this deed, I called my sister as I was walking around the store and we started talking again about me possibly being pregnant. I went into the aisle of all aisles with the pregnancy tests and could not believe that I was even considering that I was pregnant again. I looked at the prices and shook my head because Publix in my opinion is expensive. I told my sister I could not afford to spend money on a legit pregnancy test especially if there was a big chance that I was not pregnant. At that time losing money for nothing was not an option, because I still had sometime left on my lunch I drove to Dollar Tree, in my mind I felt like ok this is more reasonable and I would only be wasting $2 vs. 10+. Once again, I approached the aisle of all aisles and picked up two $1 tests. When I got to the counter the cashier said would you like your receipt, I immediately said NO and she laughed. After this I went back to work and finished my day anxious to get home and finally put my mind at ease. As most women know waiting for the results of a pregnancy test are so nerve wrecking no matter the results. When I finally had some time, I went to the bathroom with my daughter following right behind me and took the test. Honestly, I just knew I was not pregnant, so I sat the test down, looked away and finished up using the bathroom. Finally, I looked up and my heart dropped, the test was 100% clear as day positive. I screamed “OH HELL NO” and immediately got my sister on the phone, we were both in shock. Of course, I called my mom next, I said “Ma what does it mean when the test is saying positive but I’m on birth control” she laughed and said Yanna that is positive you’re pregnant. After staying on the phone with her for a little bit I called back my sister, we were both still stunned because she was coming up on the last couple weeks of pregnancy herself. The next person I knew I had to tell was my husband. At the time he was a truck driver, so he was not going to be home for another week or two. I was so anxious, but I wanted to wait to tell him face to face so I took a deep breath and kept the news between me, my mom, and sister. After the overwhelming rush of shock passed, I started to become very nervous, scared, and anxious. Life was already seeming like a downward spiral and now I was pregnant with an IUD and no medical insurance. What the hell am I going to do was all I thought about until I closed my eyes that night. I remember holding my stomach thinking wow, just wow. When I got to work the next morning, I immediately told my boss I need to go to the emergency room because I tested positive for pregnancy and I was on an IUD for birth control. Nonchalantly she said we did not have anyone to cover my shift and if I could wait 2 days until they knew they would have availability. This is when I knew that if it is not happening to them some people can show lack of interest for what is going on in your life especially with work. I was so upset because I was terrified, looking up stuff on google constantly was freaking me out because I knew I was not supposed to be pregnant. There were so many risks and my job want me to wait till it is convenient for them for me to take off and see a doctor. It was hard trying to explain to someone that I was pregnant but on birth control because no one took me as serious. When my job finally gave me time off I went to the health department first and the lady I spoke with didn’t even know what to say because I was telling her I was on birth control but testing positive for pregnancy. I did not have a lot of options because I did not have money or medical insurance so despite the bill medical bill, I knew I had to go to the ER. That night when both my kids were sleeping, I told my mom in law I was not feeling well and needed to go to the ER, and she agreed to watch the kids. It was about 9:30 at night already, emergency rooms take forever and although I had to be up at 6am the next morning I needed to get this figured out. Fast forwarding throughout my night I surprisingly did not have to wait to long to be seen, I took another urine test and blood test. Once again, I spoke with the doctors and I got “this girl is wasting our time” vibes because no one seemed to be taking me seriously. After an hour or so the ultrasound technician came in and the next thing I hear is “there’s your baby”. It was so surreal I remember saying “omg I can’t believe it; I knew I was crazy”. I was a good 7wks into my pregnancy and did not even know it. Leaving the ER felt so different because I knew for a fact, I was pregnant it was official. There was still a lot of confusion and stress involved because I had no way of getting in contact with a doctor the ER doctor gave me someone to follow up with but because I didn’t have insurance I wasn’t able to pay for the appointment. This part of my pregnancy was so scary, I was that 1% who was pregnant with an IUD still in place. There were so many risks for my health and the baby’s. Everything that did not matter before mattered so much more to me. I was scared to walk, scared to jump, scared to play with my daughter because I did not want to make stuff worse. I finally got help 2 weeks later after coming across a clinic that could help me at no cost until my application for Medicaid was approved. When I saw the doctor, she immediately took my IUD out but warned me that there could be complications of a miscarriage. Apparently, my IUD was close to falling out on its own, so I guess that was easier access to being fertile and becoming pregnant. At this point I am like ok I am having this baby I know it is not the best time, but it is what it is. Hearing the word miscarriage made me so scared, I did not want to lose my baby. Unfortunately, my husband was not able to make it home when he was supposed to, so I ended up telling him I was pregnant over the phone and boy was he shocked. After a long back and forth talk we of course decided that no matter what we were going to see this pregnancy through despite how unfortunate our finances were. I had my ultrasound appointment to confirm I was still in fact pregnant and once I saw the baby I walked out with ultrasound picture in my hand like damn here we go again, but I was happy. Despite the risk of having an IUD in the earlier stage of my pregnancy I had an amazingly healthy pregnancy once it was removed. My daughter’s due date was Sep.1st and I had her Sep.6th, she was 8lbs and 4oz of perfection. The thing that gets to me is how crazy life is and it really makes you wonder why things happen. All my kids give me purpose and I believe that therefore I had my daughter she was giving me another purpose to live and be the best mom I can be. My experience with getting pregnant while on birth control is different from others but the fact is that it is possible. It is one of the most intense fears when your body reacts differently than even doctors have predicted. My journey of motherhood just got a little harder but being able to fall in love again with a life I made was so worth it.
By Maelyn Jeffers4 years ago in Families
Healing
Lately, I have been having a lot of things weighing heavy on my mind. Weighing in on the scale at one million pounds is my childhood trauma. When this weight takes over, I begin to think about how life never really gave me the chance to dwell on my pain because it does what it’s good at doing, “it moved on.” I started to think about how my sisters went through a lot of traumatizing things as well, and they never got the chance to dwell on the pain, we never got to heal. After other thoughts, I began to think about how people go through so many things in their lives. Whether it’s from your childhood or adulthood, and they never get the chance to heal from it. The process of healing takes time, whether you are improving alone or with a support system. Regardless healing must happen; one of the reasons I feel like it is hard to heal is because of life. Many different versions of life happen for people; some people’s trauma is distracted by moving away, new job, new additions to the family, new friends, or even new relationships. When all these things happen, the trauma is pushed back, and the wound is still open. In my situation, after my trauma was acknowledged a big move occurred for my family and me, then at the age of 16 only two years after my ordeal ended, I was pregnant with my son. All the horrific things I had gone through were pushed back, and although it was still affecting me every day, I was so busy I was never able to bring it up again. Another reason I feel like people push back their trauma is that other people aren’t supportive of their healing. Both family and friends have a role in the healing process. Being supportive starts with communication, reaching out to someone and asking them how they’ve been doing after various situations is a start. There are adults now that have been through things as children, and they never healed from it because family members or friends weren’t supportive of their healing. Their mother, father, grandma, or uncle, etc. never talked to them about things they’ve been through, so they felt like it didn’t matter. The process is even worse when you’re an adult because you’ve been carrying the pain forever and other’s might not take what you’ve been through as traumatizing as it was then because it happened so long ago. As an adult, I can honestly say if I would’ve got the acknowledgment of what I went through in my past from a healthy support system I would be more healed at this point in my life. It is not okay to hold in the things you’ve been through because you feel like it is a waste of time talking about it or it happened so long ago that it doesn’t matter. It does matter, any pain that you’ve experienced matters when you haven’t healed from it. Whether it’s trauma from abuse, neglect, losing a job, finances, being robbed, it matters. A lot of people push their mental health to the side based on how people react to what they’ve been through.
By Maelyn Jeffers5 years ago in Psyche
Unless You've Been in My Shoes
There are many situations when someone has been through something, and as they are telling their story someone goes, 'well, I would’ve done this, or it couldn’t have been me, etc...' Although it doesn’t seem offense as it’s coming out the person’s mouth, it very much is, depending on the situation, especially when it’s something traumatic. Since the age of six to 14, I went through years of sexual, physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. A lot of the things I have been through are horrific and I wouldn’t wish these things on my worst enemy.
By Maelyn Jeffers5 years ago in Psyche
