satire
Politicians provide us with all of the comedy gold. We're only mere curators.
iSpeak Polling Finds Polls Wrong
iSpeak Polling Finds Polls Inaccurate Quite a Lot iSpeak Polling (formerly We Listen Polling) has released a report over 50 or so years in the making. The report tracked pollster’s predictions from 1962, when polling probably began, and found they are ‘inaacurate’ 10 or 11 times out of 10 with a margin of error of 9.767 or 20 some points or percents.
Diane RandlePublished 4 years ago in The SwampGetting a Chinese with the Kids
I don’t understand politics. I’ve absolutely no idea what any of it means and what is actually going on with this country half the time. Brexit? Oh yeah, I’m going there. Up until recently I didn’t understand it what with the whole deal/No deal situation. Like, is Noel Edmonds gonna pop out from nowhere in a minute and say ‘psych, you’re actually on my gameshow!’? People can literally have a debate about Brexit in front of me, even shout about it in my face, and I will stand there with dead eyes and a blank expression taking not one single point in.
Ellie youngPublished 5 years ago in The SwampBuffet
He jauntily popped the last breakfast sausage between his thin and oily lips, chewed quickly, and swallowed a little too soon. As he rose from the table with a slight grunt, he placed his dirty plate with crumbs and untouched broccoli on the designated spot on the large table that would let the server know it could be taken away, winked at his wife, and strode with vigor towards the stacks of clean white plates. With a sneer on his lips and a half-formed insult in his mind, he rumbled past the salad bar with its bowls of plain lettuce, Caesar salad, vinaigrette salad, chickpea salad, corn salad, and other assorted raw vegetables.
Britain Shall Not Go Hungry After Brexit
“I disapprove of what you say but I will defend... etc, etc, etc” I wouldn’t, as Voltaire is believed to have said, “defend to the death” the positions taken in this letter, even though I would still defend the right of someone to express their opinion. This letter smacks of an era in Britain’s history when the population was encouraged, albeit under significantly different circumstances, to roll up their sleeves, dig for Britain by growing their own food and showing that Johnny Foreigner character the stuff we are made of.
Alan RussellPublished 5 years ago in The Swamp26/08/2019 - Boris Keeps Changing the Odds, and Parliament Has a Gambling Problem
A tired man, down to his last tenner, pauses in the sea of umbrellas after a miserable day at the races. He's bored of seeing the same odds, presented by the bookies who all look the same, but just have different names.
Reed Alexander's Patriot Review of 'Detective Heart of America: The Final Freedom' (2015)
This movie—this epoch—represents centuries of culminating cinematography and screenwriting efforts of the world's greatest minds. Together, they singlehandedly fed their creative muses into the mind of the great master, Jason Steele. Only he could siphon the powers of such amazing intellects and slush it into a singularity of the greatest movie of all times. Only he could interpret the collective unconscious of the super-unknown!
Reed AlexanderPublished 5 years ago in The SwampWright Political Couple
Mr Wright had considered himself an important member of the party. Among many of his peers, he saw Margaret Thatcher as a Goddess—a true dominatrix. As a boy, he had a postcard of Winston Churchill, who he considered the greatest politician who ever lived. Taking what seemed to be another week of annual leave, he was sworn in by the prime minister to attend another one of those meetings regarding Brexit. Like in the last few letters, Mrs May insisted that the fate of the world depended on it. And like the last one, it ended up as a practice run for Strictly Come Dancing.
Chloe GilholyPublished 5 years ago in The SwampBrexit Is Like Watching Your Uncles Have Sex – Johnny's Brexit PC Suicide Watchtower
Happy Brexit everybody! So this what the future looks like. I was promised pink hoverboards and killer cyborgs but instead we’ll be arguing about Brexit as our crazy little island sinks into the rising tides.
Johnny VedmorePublished 5 years ago in The SwampA Parable of Brexit
Once upon a time, there was a baby-faced man named Doofus Dumdum. He was the darling of his wealthy parents' eyes, and they sent him to a great school, EatOne. The school was named thus because it cannibalized academia, luring all the brightest teachers and paying them well to ensure that all the Dumdum boys and their friends got their degrees, even if they knew not one blessed thing when they graduated.
Laura McBridePublished 5 years ago in The SwampTrump Wants a New Storyline
"This Mueller investigation is so boring!" Trump complained loudly one night at the White House, forgetting that he was on the phone with bestie, Sean Hannity. Indeed, the Mueller storyline has been playing out for many moons, and the main attraction, POTUS himself hasn't even made an appearance in the story. Second rate players have all been indicted and gotten their screen time, but other than decrying mainstream media outlets as Fake News, Trump has been forced to the sidelines. Worst of all, those pesky midterm elections took all the attention from him.
Edward AndersonPublished 5 years ago in The SwampWhy Are You Ranking: The Best Ways Capitalism Aligns with the Morality of Life Listed From Death Sentence to Dying with Dignity
With the deaths of celebrities, politicians, authors, and other figures of note, the main reason why we see such outpourings of grief and emotion is because of the wonders of capitalism. It is because of the only moral social system that such figures are emboldened to live beautiful, bountiful lives. For the most part, people of renown live well past their seventies. A few exceptions due to overdoses, suicides, and other calamities remain. But the vast majority of the people who make impressions on the world the most experience longer, healthier lives. The most prosperous amongst us have the means to seek the care of the best doctors in the world to heal them of their ailments. Due to the capital that is pumped into life preserving medicines, treatments, and operations, great amounts of the people that make news headlines when they expire could’ve thanked the semi-free market system for carrying them all those years. Cancer can strike at any age. From childhood to senior citizen, the disease is still just as deadly as it was when it was first discovered as early as 1600 B.C.E. In an era where diagnoses can be made in advance and where people don’t have to suffer as much as past generations, illnesses can be discovered, treated, and possibly cured or at least go into remission. So many celebrity deaths are marred with murder, car and plane crashes, and other faces of death that younger people experience. As far as the more advanced in age, they have experienced longer lives due to whatever remnants of the Enlightenment persist to this day. So get your Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal books for Why Are You Ranking: The Best Ways Capitalism Aligns with the Morality of Life Listed From Wealth Can Buy Health to Dying with Dignity.
Skyler SaundersPublished 6 years ago in The SwampDelusional Illusions
John Calvin (Jehan Cauvin, 1509 - 1564). What a guy! A guy for his times but perhaps not for ours. His disciples turned his doctrines on their heads and one result was the Protestant work ethic and capitalism, something that once promised a better world here and now for everyone and of course, for the “elect,” a better world forever (although, if you were not among the elect, well… sorry about that, no hope as you crossed the portals that require that all hope be checked before entering). Kind of like today’s “capitalism” (really more an extreme form of corporate welfare).
Guillermo CalvoPublished 6 years ago in The Swamp