Reed Alexander

Okay... NEVER base your ENTIRE FUCKING PLOT on something that is considered to be a huge no-no in writing. And what I speak of, is running your plot in circles. Bold effort, I give them that! And I have to admit, there was a lot to like about this movie. But it was—and this really isn't a spoiler—specifically designed to go round and fucking round in giant plot circle. How is it okay to write a plot that is literally intended to go round in fucking circles?!

As a horror head, one of the most interesting things I ever heard about horror was from my father. When he was a kid, the idea of Godzilla scared the shit out of him. Today, we crave something more out of modern horror. The idea of being scared by Kaiju sounds kinda cute, really. Even with the advent of Shin Godzilla, going back to the roots of the evil king lizard, it's not what anyone would really consider scary.

What's better than a slasher horror? A slasher horror with multiple slashers! Jesus fucking Christ what a dumpster fire. This is another beauty from my childhood years. I believe I first saw it on USA Up All Night. I really miss the USA channel. Duckman, titty flicks, cheep ass horror. Man those were the days. They'd edit out all the good parts, but it was the only way for a little kid to get R-rated stuff back before the internet was a thing.

With The Color Out of Space soon to be released, I figure I'd give Cage one last chance, and see if he has what it takes to pull off Cosmic Horror of the likes of H. P. Lovecraft. I wrote an article a little while back, skeptical of Cage's ability to do the genre any justice. You can read that article at the following link: Nicholas Cage: What Does He Contribute to Horror?

I haven't watched this movie recently, but I watched it so many damn times that I know it intimately. This movie is the first time I really identified Sid Haig as an actor and paragon of horror. I'd likely seen him before, maybe first in Planet Terror, but Captain Spaulding firmly cemented Sid into my memory. I'd see him along the way in things like Creature (2011), and of course every fucking thing that Rob Zombie ever does. We have to give Rob that. He rescues forgotten actors from the dust bin. Sid was the best find, I think.

Toad Road invokes an urban legend about a place where the seven gates of hell can be visited right here on earth, a place right in your own home town. It's the sort of stories you hear about that trail that use to be a utility road for an insane asylum, or a place like a sewer tunnel with labyrinthine ducts like the one in New Jersey. We had one in my home town in CT, the Norwich asylum. It's the sort of place you hear about when you're in high school; not coincidentally the place you likely went to do drugs. Or maybe that was just me and my friends. It starts with the sense you're being watched, then touched, then assaulted metaphysically, and so on. And here we find ourselves, of all the idiotic ideas, engaging in drug culture for a cheep thrill and a little sense of adventure. If you identify with that, you will love this movie. Even if you're just a ghost hunter who digs urban legends, you will love this movie.