What's better than a slasher horror? A slasher horror with multiple slashers! Jesus fucking Christ what a dumpster fire. This is another beauty from my childhood years. I believe I first saw it on USA Up All Night. I really miss the USA channel. Duckman, titty flicks, cheep ass horror. Man those were the days. They'd edit out all the good parts, but it was the only way for a little kid to get R-rated stuff back before the internet was a thing.
With The Color Out of Space soon to be released, I figure I'd give Cage one last chance, and see if he has what it takes to pull off Cosmic Horror of the likes of H. P. Lovecraft. I wrote an article a little while back, skeptical of Cage's ability to do the genre any justice. You can read that article at the following link: Nicholas Cage: What Does He Contribute to Horror?
I haven't watched this movie recently, but I watched it so many damn times that I know it intimately. This movie is the first time I really identified Sid Haig as an actor and paragon of horror. I'd likely seen him before, maybe first in Planet Terror, but Captain Spaulding firmly cemented Sid into my memory. I'd see him along the way in things like Creature (2011), and of course every fucking thing that Rob Zombie ever does. We have to give Rob that. He rescues forgotten actors from the dust bin. Sid was the best find, I think.
Toad Road invokes an urban legend about a place where the seven gates of hell can be visited right here on earth, a place right in your own home town. It's the sort of stories you hear about that trail that use to be a utility road for an insane asylum, or a place like a sewer tunnel with labyrinthine ducts like the one in New Jersey. We had one in my home town in CT, the Norwich asylum. It's the sort of place you hear about when you're in high school; not coincidentally the place you likely went to do drugs. Or maybe that was just me and my friends. It starts with the sense you're being watched, then touched, then assaulted metaphysically, and so on. And here we find ourselves, of all the idiotic ideas, engaging in drug culture for a cheep thrill and a little sense of adventure. If you identify with that, you will love this movie. Even if you're just a ghost hunter who digs urban legends, you will love this movie.
You know, this movie wasn't half bad. I'm not sure what it had to do with White Noise, as there was almost zero connection to the original movie. The first movie dealt exclusively with EVP, and this movie basically didn't deal with it at all. I mean, it's kinda in the background, but I feel like the director just didn't understand what white noise EVP phenomenon is.
Jesus fucking Christ Rob... you sure do know how to pull every god damn trope out of the box that annoys the fuck out of me. This one opens with a talking head, and continues with an unnecessarily long exposition on how annoying all the fucking characters are. It was actually pretty quick, no more than 10 minutes, but it felt like a goddamn hour. Fucking seriously! I hate it when a movie challenges me to break my 30 minute rule. And just so you know how bad it has to be for me to break one of my own rules, one of the few movies where I did was The Bay.