Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Man-Thing' (2005)

So, I should start off by saying, this movie was released a full three years before the MCU really took root with Iron Man (2008). It seems like they were exploring concepts and how seriously fans might take the material pulled from the comics. I guess they figured it couldn't hurt to throw Man-Thing on the table just to see how it would be received. But this movie never got any spotlight. I mean, Man-Thing is one of my favorite Marvel Creations and I heard nothing about this movie. I didn't even know it existed until the day before this review. It's like Marvel's dirty little secret, and I can tell you why. It's BAAAAAAAAD. Ho-Ly-Fuck is it BAD. It's like a series of laughable tropes strung together in such a way you'd think a 12yo wrote it. It's kinda like Frankensein's Army (2013). That movie was like if 12yo me was given the clearance to write a script for a movie, and this movie was no different.

So it's BAD. But here's why you should watch this... It's so much damn fun. I mean, you're probably gonna end up riffing this movie for how bad it is, and it almost seems like that was the point. There is nothing serious about this movie. It feels like Lloyd Kaughman was given the greenlight to make a Marvel movie and they just edited out all the splatterpunk in post. Hammy acting, ridiculous tropes, hamfisted sexual tension, shit CGI that was completely aware of itself. This movie had EVERYTHING a Riffer could want. It almost seems like it was intentionally bad. Like this is what the writers and director were going for. Frankly, I fucking love it.

So yeah, the acting is hammy and all the characters are cut and paste tropes. They're fucking supposed to be. And it's not like it isn't good enough for horror. It's actually about on par for what we expect from horror. That's one of the things that makes horror so much damn fun. You got the city sliker Sherif who came to the bayou for a change of pace. You got his big dick deputy (and I mean Jesus H FUCKING Christ this guy is packing heat) as a plucky sidekick who we all know is gonna buy it. There's a strong independent woman activist who we all know is only here to be a love interest to the Sherif (so much for strong and independent). My only real complaint is that the Native characters are a little exploity, but hey, at least they hired actual Native Americans. Fuck, they even got ridiculous mustache-twirling villains.

And I got to give them credit, they did a great job with the bad FX. The setting is on point. The lighting and filters are on point. Sure the Man-Thing CGI is terrible, but they knew that and hid the bad CGI behind practical FX like smoke machines and shit. So it was a decent job, over all.

You know, they did everything wrong the right way. It really is a fun little movie and the MCU should have been proud. Riffers definitely need to see this.

SPOILERS!!!

Yeah, the big dick deputy dies. Me and the missis were so disappointed. That's like killing off a character with a special gift. We knew it had to happen, but damn it we were really rooting for the guy (pun intended). But yeah, he gets ripped limb from limb.

I have to say, I'm fond of the fact Man-Thing sodomizes a whole bunch of his victims. They get a root right up the ass and BAM, they're a plant now. Fucking brilliant and perfect for the tone of the movie.

And Jesus fucking Christ was the romance between the Sherif and the Activist forced. They have absolutely no chemistry but constantly try to execute proper sexual tension. And their kissing scene is just so damn silly. It seriously is the kind of romance scene a kid playing with dolls would write.

Seriously, you gotta see this. It's so much damn fun.