Reed Alexander's Horror Review of 'Frankenstein's Army' (2013)

Okay, the very concept of this movie is fucking silly but... This movie was FUCKING AWESOME! Look, don't exactly expect a great plot. Hell, I'm not sure this movie even had a coherent plot. In fact, it was so thin they might as well have not bothered. But, FUCKING INDUSTRIAL MECHANICAL NAZIS!!! This made every portion of the teenage metal head inside of me squee with delight. If you played Wolfenstine, Doom, Blood, or Quake, this was just part of your horror scene growing up. Horror, Metal, and Video Games defined my generation. I'm actually shocked it took the horror industry this long to pander to us as adults.

Really this move is just a gore spectacle, like splatter punk, not quite Dead Alive (Brain Dead), but really it was still pretty fun. The acting was actually pretty good. I was fucking shocked how good it was, even for horror. You know, the funny thing is, it was done shaky-camera style, which gave me a huge chuckle. They did this whole thing where these Russian troops during WWII were taking a propaganda film with new sound technology. I mean, I did say the plot was paper fucking thin, but c'mon, how fun is that? Does it really matter how thin the plot is? THERE ARE FUCKING MECHANICAL NAZIS!!! Man they're all cool too. One even kinda looks like a Big Daddy from Bio Shock.

You know, the director must have been a Quake II fan, because the mechanoids in this movie remind me very much of my own "Shrektor's Army" from my book, The Flagellant. My influence was Quake II, and these monstrosities are everything Shrektor's Army is supposed to look like. I mean, I could likely sue for likeness rights, that's how close they are. I'm not going to, but if I ever get my book optioned for a movie, I'm hiring this guy, no fucking question. Besides, 'Industrial Punk' is not a new concept. The creators of Quake II didn't just pull the idea out of their ass, it's been around since the days of Dic Tracey.

If you're interested in buying a copy and comparing mechanical fascists, you can buy The Flagellant at the link below.The Flagellant: Suffering is 9-5

Anyway, if Industrial Mechanical Nazis don't sell this movie to you, you're definitely not going to enjoy it. They were FUCKING AWESOME, but they're literally the only reason to watch the movie. I guess that means Hardcore Horror Heads only.

SPOILERS!!!

Is it weird that I'm almost offended they tried to add a plot to this gore spectacle? I know that sounds silly, but it's almost like "Why bother." No one is going to be taking this movie seriously, so the writer and director likely shouldn't either. But I'd be a hypocrite for saying it should have no plot. You should read the ham-fisted nonsense I wrote to have mechanical Nazis in my book.

But I guess you need a why, outside of just who and where. So, it becomes obvious that the soldiers in this movie didn't just randomly stumble across mechanical Nazis. They find out that the 'propaganda film' they're shooting is actually bullshit. Their propaganda officer knows they're heading into a factory where the Nazis are suspected of creating a secret weapon. The propaganda officer knows this has something to do with Victor Frankenstein, and knows it's basically a super soldier program.

Here's what I don't understand: The Soviets didn't exactly need to lie to their troops like that. They were pretty brutally honest when they were sending troops to die in the name of the motherland. Remember, anyone retreating got shot. That's some hardcore shit, and the Soviets were some hardcore troops. Their CO would have just been like, "Stalin says we have to go capture Victor Frankenstein, and he's likely made super soldiers." And they would have just gone.

Lying to the troops was really more of a German, American, British, thing. But hey, we have mechanized Nazis. Are we really going for historical accuracy? Enjoy this brutal, violent, bloody, death-march.

Cheers!