iSpeak Polling Finds Polls Wrong

iSpeak Polling Finds Polls Inaccurate Quite a Lot

iSpeak Polling (formerly We Listen Polling) has released a report over 50 or so years in the making. The report tracked pollster’s predictions from 1962, when polling probably began, and found they are ‘inaacurate’ 10 or 11 times out of 10 with a margin of error of 9.767 or 20 some points or percents.

Since 1962 or so pollsters have offered ‘scientific’ ‘data’ on which way voters were likely to vote in elections if they showed up to vote. In the 13 or 14 elections since, pollsters have predicted the outcome of elections incorrectly 12 or 13 times out of 13, or, in even more words, correctly predicted the outcome one times or almost never.

“We probably know or might think there’s maybe some problems with the so called ‘accuracy’ of our polls but we’re paid more money than average, if average is enough to own a vacation home in Whistler, British Columbia, to produce numbers that may or may not be so called ‘accurate’, and there’s always a chance we’ll have a so called ‘accurate’ result. After all, it happened once or twice in 13 or 14 some elections so we can likely probably expect another so called ‘accurate’ result easily within the next 13 elections or so, so of course polling remains the most valid and trustworthy barometer and or thermostat of how an election may or probably won’t turn out.” Explained iSpeak President, Shelly Ann Sanderson.

But Sanderson also took the opportunity to speak out (or as she likes to say ‘iSpeak out’) on the lighter side of polling to remind people of the, “Really fun type polls we conduct almost regularly a couple of times or so every year or two. They have a high to low entertainment or amusement value which might or might not help take people’s minds off depressing stuff in politics which is making like 1 out of 2 or less people suicidal. So that is our community care or arm or wing, if you will.”

“Like we did: ‘How many pizza slices a week would you eat if only pepperoni was offered or Hawaiian or Greek? And it wouldn’t make you fat or gassy even if you are lactose intolerant?’ And ‘How much beer would you drink every day or week if you got drunk but there were no health effects from it, like none, no beer gut or anything and you could drive safely while drunk and operate heavy machinery or ride a horse?’ And, ‘If Candy Crush was real and candy came out of your phone when you crushed it how much would you eat if you didn’t get sick or fat or have to take insulin?’ The answer to all of those polls was ‘A LOT!’ or ‘Many, many!’.

People would just eat pizza and candy and drink beer every day all day if it didn’t cause them any problems. That was a most startling finding. We were not prepared for that because our past polling never indicated how much people love pizza, beer and candy and would consume it constantly if there were no consequences because we never asked before. So, with our regular polling, because people don’t get sick or gassy or diabetes from not voting we find they don’t want to vote as much as they would like to keep scarfing down pizza, candy and beer.”

Sanderson looked almost thoughtful for a moment. “What if you did get fat or split ends or acne or cankles from not voting? Would more people vote then?”

She grinned, “I think I just found our next question. Or, wait. No, our next question should be, “If they gave out free pizza, candy and beer at polling stations would you vote then?”

Her look turned wistful, “I know so much about this country. God, I should be running this country.”

A little gasp came out of Sanderson then, her eyes rolled heavenward, “God? If I could get a hundred percent of voters or around 80 percents or less out to vote by offering free pizza, candy and beer would you make me President? God? God? God…oh, he hung up.”