26/08/2019 - Boris Keeps Changing the Odds, and Parliament Has a Gambling Problem

A tired man, down to his last tenner, pauses in the sea of umbrellas after a miserable day at the races. He's bored of seeing the same odds, presented by the bookies who all look the same, but just have different names.

In the distance, however, he hears something interesting. He walks over to find a really odd bloke standing behind an empty betting stall, shouting. The man doesn't really understand what he is saying—it's a version of English, where normal words are replaced with alien-inspired gibberish. But it's got a certain charm to it. Moving in closer, the man notices a torrent of light blonde and messy hair that is barely contained by a flat-cap, which still has the tag on from the shops.

The man, we'll call him Bob, looks to his right, and sees a newly-polished, electronic screen displaying the odds for the final race of the day.

Bob knows that there's a couple of non-runners in this race. "Second Referendum," trained by A. Soubry, is one. Most are unsure whether or not "Theresa May's Deal" even showed up to the racecourse.

All that's left are two horses: "Crash Out," and "A Fucking Miracle."

Interestingly, most people seem to back the latter. "A Fucking Miracle" has been running as a steady option recently, mainly because it's such an average horse, and nobody ever expects it to do well. Nobody really believes in it.

The other contender, though, has always been played-off as the most hopeless. The horse is old and lethargic. Of course, you've got those who speculate about the possibility of "Crash Out" winning.

"Would it be so bad?" you hear them ask. "Maybe it would just make people stop, and take it seriously. For too long, that horse has been taken advantage of, and it deserves to be at the forefront once again."

The bookmaker's screen shows the odds for "Crash Out" as a remarkable 10000000-1. Seeing this, Bob's eyes flicker with excitement. Sure, he's only got a tenner left. But, think about what he could do with 10 million? Would it be so bad if he committed to "Crash Out?" Why is nobody else realising the distinct advantages of this offer?

Nervously, Bob reaches into his back pocket. But, as he does this, he notices a wry smile appear on the face of the bookie. Confused, Bob pauses for a moment, which is just enough time for a button to be pressed, changing the odds on the electronic screen. "Crash Out" now shows as Evens.

Bob dejectedly returns to the stands. He's gambled wrong all day. Now, all he wants to do is go home.

With only five minutes to go until the race starts, Bob considers the benefits of staying to watch the two horses go head-to-head.

But, Bob begins to comprehend the scale of this final race. An old, lethargic horse is challenging an average, uninspired horse. Neither can compare to the winners he saw earlier.

Bob leaves, because he knows that either way, this race is going to be dreadful.

"No-deal Brexit is more likely than ever."—Financial Times, 26/08/2019