Would One Person Calling You 'Ugly' Destroy Your Self-Esteem?

It is always hard to take criticisms or to deal with the negative reaction of others. But there is an important point to bear in mind for your own mental wellbeing. If just ONE person (like a date, etc.) calling you ‘ugly’ destroys your self-esteem, then you didn't have much self-esteem in the first place! After all, if it takes just one individual in our whole wide world to make you feel so bad about you, what kind of self-esteem did you have, except a low one? You have nothing to support your emotional health, so it gets easily knocked at the slightest negative action. As you're not feeling very good about you in the first place, the minute someone says something you don't like to hear, you feel ‘destroyed’. That really does not suggest any firm foundation of self-value or self-love, if other people’s comments count more than what you think of yourself.

In such a situation, you cannot rebuild or restore what you didn't have! You actually need to begin to appreciate yourself much more, because that person who labelled you probably believes HE (or SHE) is ugly and doesn’t like himself very much. He has realised how thin-skinned you are and has projected his bad feeling on to you, knowing it would hurt you, in order to make himself feel better. Sadly, you would have behaved as expected with your obious hurt and negative reaction.

It is all about self-belief, and when we represent those negative beliefs with our thoughts, then transmit them to others through our actions, people can only treat us the way we treat ourselves. Please realise that your THOUGHTS make your world. If you only dwell on negative things, and feeling sorry for yourself, they gradually become self-fulfilling prophecies. For example, if you believe the person that you are ‘ugly’, you will act in an ugly way to repel people, because your actions will confirm it! So you have the key to your quality of life through your own thoughts and beliefs which will either confirm, or ignore, the actions of others.

If you are really affected by one person's opinion, time to work on yourself and stop worrying about what they say. You have no power over what people think as they are entitled to their opinion. Beauty is also in the eye of the beholder, so just as one man or woman might say you are ‘ugly’, there will be many others who will think you are beautiful or handsome. However, if you accept what that individual's negativity, you will wear that ugliness like a mask around others, and potential dates will reject you, too! So working on your self-esteem is they key to feeling better about you.

If you accept that you have low self-esteem, you need to recognise WHY you have it to begin the remedial process. Low self-esteem comes from one of these three areas:

• (Belonging) How have you been treated by your significant others, like parents, friends and colleagues? Have you been undervalued, rejected, and neglected by those you have cared about? Perhaps subjected to impossible demands and expectations, or denied your goals? How could you get out of their orbit, or reconcile with them, if there has been an estrangement?

• (Achievement) Have you accomplished the things you want so far, or have you had your exectations dashed too many times? Just getting disappointing feedback because of those negative beliefs? Have you been comparing yourself to others when you are a unique person and unlike anyone else on earth? How could you achieve the things you want to start feeling good about yourself?

• (Self-Acceptance) What, exactly, don’t you like about yourself, and why are you unhappy when just one person says something negative? Why do you value yourself so little so that just one person can make you feel so bad? Where is your self-appreciation? What could you do about it in a practical way to make you feel better?

Everyone is handsome/good looking in their own way. We all have advantages and weaknesses. It sounds to me that, because you don't love yourself, you depend on others to validate you, to pay you compliments and make you feel good. That is why, when the compliments are not forthcoming, or someone says something negative, you feel ‘destroyed’.

But others cannot love you to compensate for your lack of self love. It all begins from you. Stop focusing on what other people say and start valuing what YOU think and say about you. Time to start appreciating your blessings, and stop fretting on things that bear little relation to the actual truth about you. You will gradually start to feel better about yourself, and begin to see the real you. Once you put your feelings into other people’s hands you leave yourself open to have those feelings trampled. Build your own emotional reserves through self love, self-belief, self-acceptance, and positive thoughts.

Every person in this world has something about them they might not like. The difference between them and you is that they do not make it the focus of their life, or let it destroy the quality of their existence. They try to put things in perspective, learn the lessons in it, value themselves and their efforts, and move on to appreciate and enjoy their daily existence.

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