Why You Should Stop Forgiving Others

The most heard phrase that pops up once you escape any sort of trouble from others would be:

“Forgive and forget…”

Yeah yeah, it’s easy to say!

You’re more likely to hear blissful words about forgiveness from religious leaders, motivational speakers, etc.

So basically from someone who is more spiritually inclined.

My advice to you is:

Stop listening to the dreamers, right now!!

Almost 99% of these people either haven’t gone through what you’ve been through or have reacted in such situations, contrary to what they’ve advised you.

Although it sounds very empathetic, in reality, forgiveness doesn’t come easily!

When they say they forgive, what most people do is that they force themselves to forget the situation by feeding themselves with false hopes of coping with their past…

Forgiveness is a long healing process

If you’re spiritual, you may think you have enough strength to forgive the ones who’ve hurt you.

Well, ask yourself again…

Recall the how the person put you down, and all those bruises they’ve left.

If you were to contemplate on it, I’m pretty sure that you will not feel content that you’ve moved on.

Rather, the pain and anger towards them would taunt you.

Now ask yourself, “Have I really forgiven them?”

You’ll realize that the answer is simply, no.

What you’ve really done is forgotten, not forgiven.

To forgive the brutal pains inflicted by someone is a long healing process which includes therapy, self-reflection, and meditation.

Forgiveness is taken for granted

In religion they say, when you forgive someone, you weigh them down with guilt. However, it doesn’t work that way in most cases.

When somebody harms you, they carry a lot of grudge towards you. And this cannot be erased soon.

What happens when you let them know that you’ve forgiven them is that they simply would be more conscious about their wrongdoings against you for a while.

Importantly, they let their guard down when it comes to you.

After sometime, they might cause you harm again. And say, you forgive them again.

And this cycle continues…

Each time you forgive, they become more confident about harming you again, because now you’ve let them know that they can get away with whatever they do to you.

Forgiveness exposes the weaker side of you.

Not only would they harm you again, but also would lose their respect for your space!

To forgive or to forget?

While forgiveness is mostly never the best option, forgetting certainly helps in dealing with past trauma.

You should utilize your time to help yourself heal from the incident, while learning to forget, and to move on with life.

Never let the abuser know that you’ve forgiven them even a bit.

Never let them enjoy seeing you vulnerable either.

You need to project that version of you, who has moved on putting the past behind, and taking better steps for a brighter future!

Also, revenge isn’t an option either.

The thought of vengefulness not only kills your peace of mind, but also hinders your healing process of forgetting your past.

Instead, channel your anger into building the better version of you.

The painful revenge is letting your abuser know that you’ve moved on from their grip, and is doing much better than they are at the moment.

This way, the pain of the past can be a catalyst to empowering yourself; to create a turning point towards an improved existence!

My advice to you is (if you want to take it, or leave it) to never let anyone lose their respect for your dignity as a societal being.

But more importantly, never let yourself down by undermining your worth; don’t put your life out there to be played around by others.

It doesn’t matter if you would lose the perks in exchange for your suffering, because at the end of the day, it is each one to themselves!