Why I am supporting Liptember

Welcome to Liptember!

This is my first year supporting this wonderful cause and I want to share my ‘why’.

Liptember is all about supporting Women’s Mental Health and when you look at the statistics from the current research, it’s easy to see why we need to support women and their mental health.

So why am I supporting Liptember?

It’s not just because I think mental health is important or because I used to work in health promotion and this is the kind of work I love. It’s far more personal than that.

It’s because when I look at the statistics around women and their mental health, I see myself. Those statistics could be talking about me.

I grew up in what I now know was an abusive home. As a child, a teen, and even a woman in her 20s and 30s, I didn’t see the truth. If you ask my family, even now, even though I am no longer in contact with them, you will tell you I wasn’t abused, that I was provided for. And yes, there was always food, always a roof over my head, always clothes but there was no love, no nurturing, no care.

My home was one filled with emotional, verbal and financial abuse. It was a home where name-calling and criticism was a daily occurence. It was a home where my mother reminded me daily that I was her biggest regret, biggest mistake, a burden. I was raised to believe that not only was I worthless, a burden, and lazy, but that my job was to pay my parents back. I was to take care of my mother, to do the housework, to be the responsible one. It was a home where my mother was often passed out drunk when I was a child or high on codine.

I do not say this for sympathy, goodness knows that I grew up knowing that it was only my mother who deserved that. I share this because it took me until my 40s to realise how my mental health was impacted by my upbringing. It took until my 40s to realise that my ‘laziness’ and ‘lack of ambition and initiative’ was not laziness but a trauma response. It was the fear of making a mistake, of doing the wrong thing. I spent far too many years giving up on my own happiness and dreams because if I was happy, it meant my family wasn’t. If I was doing what I wanted, it meant I was ignoring my family responsibilities. If I put myself first, I was selfish. Even after the birth of my children, I was still expected to fulfil my responsibilities to my parents, to the point where my mother once told me choosing my children over her was a mistake.

I have struggled most of my life with mental health issues without knowing or realising it. I am one of the 57% of teenage girls who suffers from body image issues (to the point of developing an eating disorder). I am one of the 45% of women who suffer depression. I am the one in five teenage girl who struggled with suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I am the woman who struggled with the traumatic birth of my children without support. I am one of the women who doesn’t ask because I was taught that there was nothing wrong with me, that I was just being dramatic or lazy.

I am thankful that we now live in a world where mental health is part of the conversation. I am thankful that my children can get help if they need it. I am thankful that even though I struggled for over 40 years believing everything was my fault and that I shouldn’t complain because others have it worse than me, I can now see the truth and am free to seek help and support.

This is why I am supporting Liptember. This is why I’m raising money for the Liptember Foundation. This is why, this month (which also happens to be my birthday month), I’ll be wearing lipstick every day and sharing my experience so that others know they are not alone.

Want to support me this Liptember? Donate via my donation page.