What An Abusive Ex Said About Me.

We all have disagreements in relationships. However, toxic relationships also involve a pattern of abusive rumors; the worst?

Everyone who only sees the nice side of those partners believes them.

The following is a list of lies that an Ex concocted about me during and after I left that relationship. I have added the truthful statements, to show you what I mean:

"Carol can only cook out of packets and Jars."

I was taught domestic science throughout the whole of high school. I was taught how to bake, cook with pans, sew, and clean and I was assigned a role as lead organizer and baker for the school tuck shop.

I baked bread, buns, and biscuits and made sandwiches for break times. I also cooked full meals such as stew, shepherd's pies, pasta dishes, etc. I was also taught how to make hot puddings and cakes from scratch.

I became graded as top of my class for cookery at one school, and my now fully grown children, husband, mum, and friends have witnessed me cook from scratch, alongside a variety of professionals, including some chefs.

Some of these people love my cooking, and my grandchildren now enjoy my cooking today.

"Carol can't budget."

Yes; I confess I did develop an addiction due to my past mental health problems

I had some mental health problems before I got into my first serious relationship, and the other addictions occurred a few years after I left the relationship.

However, some of my addiction was brought on by childhood trauma.

I never had an addiction whilst with my exes. They came out after the trauma was explored later when I was around 23-25 years old; around the time I was healing from domestic violence.

The truth is, I have always been able to budget, but I have been too ill to be able to manage in the past. I still have some PTSD, though I recovered from my addictions over 10 years ago.

I do most of the food/household budgeting myself, and I budget my self-care and our holiday needs.

I have always been able to do these, using tools to help me manage my dyscalculia. However, when you are in the grip of mental health problems it can cause an addiction cycle which took me many long years to break.

"Carol is violent."

The truth is, I have never been violent.

The people who know me well, and love me know this.

However, there were times in my past when I was faced with a lot of horrific violence in front of my children, and I had to defend myself for the safety of my children and myself.

No man or woman should ever have to stand there and put up with being abused in front of their children, or alone.

No child should have to witness their parents getting hurt.

Nobody, not even the professionals who were told about the violence several times were helping us in the way they should have done.

My acts of self-defense saved my children's lives plus my own life.

"Carol is argumentative."

Let's get straight to the point.

If your ex and his family called you an unfit parent, useless, told you that you had to clean up and bring up the kids their way, the exes parents walked into your home and started doing things such as taking your curtains down without asking, called you names, told you who you could and couldn't talk to, told you that you couldn't spend your money on your own children, and the grandparents tried taking your authority as a parent away; what would you do?

There were some situations where I had to speak my mind like my ex-girlfriend once said,

"You're a vulnerable parent, but you are a person and not a door-mat."

I was being treated like a door-mat and a punch-bag.

I was treated like a punch-bag, emotionally and physically.

Conclusion

None of the above events are happening in my life today.

My life is a very happy one, that is free from the torture and the torment of abuse. I am in a very happy, safe, close, and stable marriage, and I live an unconditional life where I can just be myself.

Years ago, I would have said,

"I can't change my situation."

An abusive relationship can take many years to leave, and your emotions will be in turmoil.

However, in order to change your life; you must make the first step which is to leave,

Leaving isn't easy, especially now that we live in a world in crisis, but remember there is support out there. I have left resources below.

Remember abuse does not just come from partners. It can come from family, friends, and the community.

If you are faced with abuse of any kind. Please remember that you didn't cause it and that you are worthy of getting the help you need in order to rebuild your life.

• As difficult as it may be; never silence or hide the violence because that can trap you, and/or your children in a very dangerous situation.
• Remember emotional abuse is a form of violence too.